I’ve made many humiliating parental admissions on this blog. You guys know that I only bathe my children twice a week. You are aware that I never make their beds. You have been apprised of my issues with Sippy Cups and Mold. So you probably won’t be shocked that I’m not the best teeth-brushing mother, […]
Tales from the Porch Swing.
The kids were playing outside while I was lounging flat on my back on the porch swing. (That happens more than it should. But Motherhood as an introvert is exhausting.) (And I’m exceptionally good at lazy when I want to be.) Noah needed to go to the bathroom, so he headed over for me to […]
Things that Blow My Toddler’s Mind.
Every time we bathe, dear child, I will wash and rinse your hair. This is not some sort of water torture I have forged break your will and make you scream. There is no reason to fight me on leaning your head back – I am trying to save your sensitive little eyes from soap. […]
Taking Issue With the Compliance Department.
Dear Noah, We took a break from our potty-training failures so that I could take you to the dentist last week. It was only your second trip ever, and your first time to get x-rays. And you were an angel. I need you to know that I am not okay with this. First of all, […]
McQueen Will Get Us Through It.
I have two problems with potty-training Noah. No, three. One. Noah doesn’t want to. That’s kind of a biggie. You can not force bodily fluids out of a kid that doesn’t want to play along. Two. Last time we tried (in August,) Noah had a crippling fear of letting any output from his body fall […]
A Series of Unfortunate Events.
He’s stinking cute. But he thinks too much. And also? He’s a toddler. And toddlers break things. He’s actually always been a rather careful kid, though – bred from the highest of OCD stock, he had no choice in the matter. He carefully closes every door, turns out every light, sorts his toy boxes when […]
My Kinda Funny But More Like Really Awkward Valentine.
“Boys and their mothers have a different relationship than girls and their mother. It’s just…special. You’ll see.” Mommies everywhere began telling me that in their most misty-eyed, cherish-every-moment voices when we found out that we would be having a boy. I was skeptical, because I understood girls. I “got” girls. And I was nervous about […]
The Origins of the WWE.
I’ve never understood wrestling. Why grown men enjoy watching other grown men sling each other around and place each other into questionably intense positions has always been beyond me. However, now that I have a son, I think I might understand. It’s because wrestling reminds them of their mother. Call it good memories. Call it […]
The Power of Restraint.
There are certain unwritten rules of our parenting. We all have them. Yours might not be the same as ours, but you definitely have them. Such as, No caffeine for babies. (Except for small, unavoidable doses of coffee.) Limited sugar intake. No poorly applied tattoos – just the good stuff. And no baby leashes. You’ve […]
Self-Esteem and Sons.
Noah and I are close. Very Close. My friends were right – there’s a particular bond between a mother and son that is like no other – his adoration of me is quite taking. Although I am equally close with Ali, there’s a different feel to how Noah appreciates me. While she is quite independent […]