3am: Jumping out of bed from dead sleep to go comfort crying baby: 10 calories burned. 3:05am: Jumping out of bed again to give crying baby a paci, praying feverishly that it sticks this time while imagining inventing elastic ear loops to hold the stinkin’ paci in: 10 calories burned. 4am: Jumping out of bed […]
A Mid-Life Crisis, of the Feline Persuasion.
My cat has gone crazy. Not to say that I haven’t had my issues with her in the past, but this time is different…odd…and a bit unsettling in an eerie sort of way. It all started last week when she disappeared. (And, might I add, she is an indoor cat.) We saw her the night […]
Gateway Cursing.
Everybody remembers their first curse word, right? I remember mine. I was probably about six years old… We were headed out to our cousin’s house. They lived in the country, with miles of trails to explore. We arrived at their house, and I saw their bikes and my brother’s bike (which he had left there […]
The Complications of Budgeting.
I do all of the budgeting, bill paying, checkbook balancing, and money laundering in our family. Okay, not money laundering, but I tell Chris that I do, because he never checks behind me to see how I’m handling our finances. He says that he trusts me implicitly. Some combination of my accounting degree, the fact […]
The Stench of Boys.
He stinks. His lovely new baby smell lasted for exactly four months. And for the past month, he’s stank approximately 70% of the time. He somehow marinates in his own sweat every time he sleeps, and he wakes up smelling like an entire load mildewed laundry. And the smell doesn’t fade while he’s awake, either […]
Millions of Updates, Updates for You.
My blog posts of late have been a confusing tangle of rabbit trails that lead to nothing but loose ends. And I despise loose ends nearly as much as I despise continuity issues. (Such as, why can Tinkerbell make anything fly in the rain but herself? Even if her wings are wet, couldn’t she just […]
Pointless Parenting.
There are moments in every parent’s job that they wonder what good their efforts are producing. How any positive impact could possibly come from all of their hard work. …Trying to logically reason with a teenage girl, for instance. (Sorry, Mom.) …Or perhaps trying to convince a ridiculously cautious four year old to try something […]
The Post that Proves I am an Idiot.
We went on a walk Tuesday night in our suburban neighborhood. As we were coming down a hill about a block from home, Ali suddenly stopped walking and silently stared at the ground in front of her. A snake! (That exclamation point was in excitement, not fear.) I happen to be completely fascinated by snakes. […]
How Geeks Lose Weight.
For the past four months, I’ve been eating whatever I jolly well pleased, under the OBVIOUS assumption that all of the calories were going straight to Noah. And really, it worked for me. …for a very short while. Then I quit losing…and I actually started to gain weight. Wait. What?? I just had a baby! […]
Parenting 101: Little Ears have Big Memories.
With an innocent, offhanded little voice, she asked… “Hey, Daddy?” “Yes Baby?” “Why does Mommy say that it’s not nice for Noah to stare at women’s chests?” Chris falls on the floor and dies. Later that night, after his miraculous recovery,he remembers the cursed conversation with his daughter (although he blocked out his stuttered response […]