With an innocent, offhanded little voice, she asked…

“Hey, Daddy?”

“Yes Baby?”

“Why does Mommy say that it’s not nice for Noah to stare at women’s chests?”

Chris falls on the floor and dies.

Later that night, after his miraculous recovery,he remembers the cursed conversation with his daughter (although he blocked out his stuttered response to her), and accusingly asks his wife WHY, in fact, he had been subjected to such a painful question.

Um, oops.

You see, dear, it was all your Aunt Kitty’s fault.

A few weeks back, she came up from the coast to visit us for a few days.  On the day that she left, she spent a good amount of time with each of the kiddos individually.

And the problem was, she had on this fascinatingly bright, contrasty, newborn-attention-grabbing shirt.

And, although Noah did give her a couple of smiles,


He spent the majority of the morning staring at her extraordinarily patterned chest.


And when I say majority, I mean the kid took up at least an hour obsessively zeroed into what he must have thought was the most colorful dinner presentation he’d ever seen.




So because we’re HUMAN, Kitty and I just had to make some jokes about it, and I said, one time, in passing, very casually, and offhandedly, even quietly, with no emphasis on it whatsoever,

“Noah, it’s not polite to stare at women’s chests.”

And apparently, that was Ali’s one takeaway from the entire day.

Go ahead, crown me Mommy of the Year right now. I know I deserve it.

15 thoughts on “Parenting 101: Little Ears have Big Memories.

  1. That’s funny! My 3 year old tells anyone who happens to be holding Nicholas when he starts fussing that “He just wants your milk!” :-)

  2. Oh honey, you have no idea the things they are going to say. And just wait until he can grab the shirt and try to pull it up or down to nurse. And don’t worry, he will only do it in public places.

  3. I have to admit…I did smile at Ali’s question. However, I laughed out loud at Mary@Parenthood’s comment. That is priceless! and one to be recorded somewhere for when your children grow up. We have a few good stories in our house….can’t tell them…YET….

  4. Lol, that picture is HILARIOUS! So funny. And I totally understand what you mean. K has done that to us too. The other day S was fussing and she said, “Mommy I think she wants to eat from your chest-es.” Ugh.

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