Nancy Drew is called in to solve a startlingly shocking crime… The Case of the Mysteriously Disappearing Pacifiers. The Case: A ridiculously stunning number of OVER TEN pacifiers have gone missing, without explanation, in just three weeks!! It’s like taking candy from a baby. Except they’re pacifiers. But that’s basically baby candy. Oh – the […]
GestationLand!!!
Welcome to the final stretch of your stay in GestationLand!!! Requiring a nine-month stay, GestationLand is a theme park that may get you treated like a Princess, but guarantees that you won’t feel like one!! By this time, you’ve already ridden on many of the thrill rides that the park has to offer, including: The […]
I’ll Have a Presidential Christmas…
We have a new Christmas store in our mall this year, and it has every type of Christmas ornament that you could ever desire. And so, for a three year old little girl who absolutely adores Christmas, it’s the funnest toy store in the whole mall. But despite the glittery fairies and the pink princesses […]
C (hristmas) before E (aster) but NEVER before T (hanksgiving).
There are two types of people in the world: Holiday Liberalists and The Holiday Police. The Liberalest of the Holiday Liberalists consist of the people who choose to start playing Christmas music in stores, put the decorations out in malls, and start selling Christmas Candy, all on the day after Halloween. (Oh, and of course […]
Reverse Child Abuse: A Plight Ignored.
Every parent suffers abuse from their child on a weekly, if not daily, and sometimes hourly (depending on the child or number of children involved in inflicting said abuse) basis. This plight goes far too unnoticed. It’s time that someone took a stand for Reverse-Child-Abuse and brought those issues to the forefront. Besides the constant […]
Social Media Policy for Labor and Birth
When Ali was born nearly four years ago, I felt like a Social Media Pioneer (even though it would be a couple more years before the term “Social Media” was coined), because I was the first person I knew to nearly-real-time publish birthing information and baby photos on Facebook. And, really, it wasn’t a big […]
Now Hiring: Mom Caddie.
Men play golf. (Some men, anyway – not my husband. And some women, I know. Forgive the generalization for a moment.) And, men get caddies. (Some men, anyway – surely not every man that plays golf can afford to have another man follow him around all day while he leisurely plays a game.) But at […]
Curses.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about Eve lately. No, not because of that disturbingly bizarre Pomegranate juice commercial where naked-but-tattooed-with-fig-leaves Eve is laying on the ground with a huge snake coiled around her… (washing the mental image from my brain) But because of The Curse. It’s becoming more and more apparent to me that […]
I Adore My Husband, Even When He’s An . . .
Yes. That really is Chris that I’m sitting upon. You see, he’s always had this strange desire of wanting me to play the role of Mary when I’m pregnant. I avoided it when I was expecting Ali, but this year, he begged relentlessly. And so, I agreed. With one condition: that he couldn’t be Joseph. […]
Kiosk Warfare: A Guide for Survival.
The mall is a glorious place for Moms of young children. Akin to an indoor playground for both Mother AND Child, it is full of glee-filled places such as Toy Stores, hot dog trucks, carousels, and, of course, shopping. But it doesn’t come without it’s risks – without the dangers of attack. The Kiosk Predators. […]