I know that you’ve all been waiting with intense anticipation for an update on the fallout of Noah’s stomach virus. I am here for you. I am gleeful to report that, although it did last through the night and he woke up Thursday morning with his bed in such an abominable state that if I […]
Toddler, Interrupted.
I woke up yesterday morning holding a handful of vomit. I quickly took in my surroundings, trying to orient myself as to how I had come into possession of someone else’s stomach contents. There was a screaming toddler sitting on his bed in front of me, his carpeted floor was dotted with stepping stones of […]
When Children Are Like Salt in a Wound.
Ali lost her fourth tooth in a month on Thursday night. Okay, “lost” doesn’t accurately portray the traitorous and forceful separation of tooth and child that had to take place. Unlike the three previous teeth, this one wasn’t eager to turn loose, and I didn’t exactly achieve stellar parental ranking by a) insisting on removing […]
“Life is Hard,” Say Kids Everywhere
Tuesday’s plans included the grocery store and the pool. When I told the kids this news, Ali said with a sigh, “Let’s go to the grocery store first. I like to get the hard things over with first.” “Oh really, honey, is going to the grocery store so hard for you?” “Yes, it’s just not […]
Hosepipe.
If I understand the differences in regional dialects correctly, some of y’all don’t call this a hosepipe. You call it a “garden hose” or just a “hose” or some other type of gibberish. In Alabama, we call it summer entertainment. That is, unless you’re not the one holding the hosepipe. Then it’s called a source […]
Parenting By Manipulation.
For those of you who were around last year, you will remember that Ali got fired from Private Swim Lessons. And rightfully so – she doggedly persevered in her 6.5 year rebellion against allowing water to come into contact with her face. The child doesn’t have a strong-willed cell in her brain – except when […]
School Completion Badge: Unlocked.
Let’s talk about what changes between the beginning and the end of the school year. 1. The transition from fully Pinterested-Out, pre-printed and thought-out signs to OHDEARCRAPINEEDTOMAKEASIGN moments that happen approximately 30 seconds before the photo is snapped. (I wouldn’t have even remembered to notate the last day of school with a picture except that […]
Modern Communication with Men.
I prefer texts over all forms of communication. (Except for the fact that iPhones won’t let you mark texts unread. This might be the most glaring failure of technology in our society today.) Besides all of their other benefits, sometimes texts can tell you so much more about a person’s belief system than conversation. Because […]
Mother’s Day Wishes and Dreams.
I do hope you all had a fantastic Mother’s Day and were overwhelmed [like physically overwhelmed – literally covered up with cards and stickers] with your children’s unconditional love and kindness [bursting through your door and waking you up first thing in the morning] – just like I was. I’m not exactly sure what she’s […]
A Triad of Short Stories.
Thank You: Private Eye. I received a thank you note in the mail last week. It was addressed to “Mrs. Callahan” and was signed “Mrs. [insert last name I’d never heard before here.]” It was a rather generically written thank you card for a wedding gift that I did not remember giving. In fact, I […]