I wasn’t going to post one this year.
I know, I know – it’s tradition.
But I live-tweeted it instead on a particularly fun gameday, and I thought that was good enough.
Apparently it was not.
I had people who missed it. Or wanted it all again. And some that even said “it’s all they wanted for Christmas.”
I am not one to let people down, regardless of how bonkers their requests are, or how disappointed most fans may be that Alabama is “just” playing in the Sugar Bowl tonight.
(When I was a kid I pictured a gigantic bowl full of sugar with dozens of tiny football players running through it like maggots. Everyone else did too, right?)
At any rate, I present to you: The 2013 Collection of Gameday Sightings.
And those sightings were not limited to humans – even the Wall-Es in attendance got dressed up real nice.
(Who brings their bulldozer tailgating with them?? The same people who name their kids Krimson Tyde, if I had to guess.)
But aside from heavy machinery outfitting, It doesn’t have to cost a fortune to be gameday-appropriate. Sometimes it might even cost suspiciously too little.
Don’t expect those boots to make it in AND out of the stadium before unraveling.
But shoes were a big deal this year – after all, they can make or break the cohesion of your look.
Shoes can also be useful in identifying your body if you get caught up in a stadium trample.
Shoes can keep the flow of your outfit going from your hips to your toes,
And shoes always set off the sexiness of your jeans.
Oh. And did I mention how much Toms loves Alabama Football? Because they do.
But remember – the walk to the stadium is long and tedious. Although team colors are important, comfort is much more so.
But if you just can’t find that perfect pair of gameday shoes, you can always wear them on your chest.
Legwear is also vital to consider on gameday.
Or rather, the lack of legwear.
Because it’s Alabama, where pants are always optional.
Even in boot + knee sock weather.
But that’s okay. Because God approves of all forms of Alabama Fandom.
And He doesn’t mind AT ALL when His favorite football team’s fans take his Holy Scriptures and turn them into cheers.
But God isn’t the only notable Alabama fan.
On gameday, you can spot Johnny Depp and Zach Galifianakis,
random dudes that find Flora-Bama wife-beaters to be perfect Alabama attire,
And Vin Diesel. Wearing HexBug-sized Houndstooth.
So clearly, like Stacy’s Mom we’ve got it going on.
Also, we have overalls and we know how to use them. We’ll do stripes.
We can rock Houndstooth up one leg and down the other.
We can even do random farm animals and make it look awesome.
When monograms are for us, who can be against us?
Hurting our chances of winning, however, is the fact that we believe leggings can be pants.
And that we assume chevron can be worn vertically. While straddling a chain fence.
But our ability to successfully layer houndstooth and houndstooth TOTALLY makes up for that.
To mitigate that possibility, just show up to the game in your bathrobe.
Or, if you prefer, in Mom Jeans or custom-shredded leggings.
And if you want your Mom Jeans to be your own dirty little secret, there are festive solutions for that, too.
But we must always remember.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, people.
LSU Fans are weirder than Alabama fans.
Thank God for LSU.