You all did as I asked and chipped in your holiday tradition likes and dislikes. So now it’s my turn to fulfill my promise and provide excessively geeky charts and graphs to break down the holidays.

But first, I would like to draw some conclusions and propose some Holiday Protocol Changes based on our Highly Scientific Holiday Survey.

1. “Santa Baby” is, without one single disputing vote, completely despised by all who celebrate, or are even vaguely familiar with, the holiday that is Christmas. As such, it should immediately be banned from all airwaves.

2. “Christmas Shoes” was actually hated by more people than “Santa Baby”, but alas – there were three dissenting votes. So instead of completely banning it, we will allow it – but only on the island of Vanuatu, and you three can move there to enjoy it, hugging each other and crying sappy tears to your heart’s delight.

3. Unfortunately for me, 29% of people actually love “A Christmas Story”. But I would be willing to move to Vanuatu to escape it’s oppressing awfulness.

…if it weren’t for the small Vanuatan colony Christmas Shoes lovers. I guess I’ll have to find my own island.

4. There are some things we all agree on. So clearly, I now know how to throw the most fabulous Christmas Party in history. It will be in my lit-up house, and I’ll be serving Starbucks coffee with Christmas Flavored Creamers and home-baked cookies as we all gather around a real Christmas tree in our Christmas Jammies singing O Come O Come Emmanuel and watching the cartoon version of The Grinch.

Who’s coming?

Okay. Without further ado, here’s the data…

Christmas Traditions Grid

And, as I DID promise a graph, here it is, in all of it’s too-tiny-to-be-legible glory:

Christmas Traditions

Also. Since this post is quickly becoming a rambling array of holiday-related minutia, I must now give a much-deserved honorable mention to my husband, who proved that he did read my blog when he gifted my car with these:


… but unfortunately, after only one small drive in all of my reindeer glory, I became uniantlered. I still haven’t figured out how one could have fallen off, so to whomever stole the right antler off of a Pilot parked at CVS, I do hope you enjoy my involuntary contribution to your Christmas cheer.

And finally (I swear the rambling will stop soon), one tradition afterthought: I totally forgot about my favorite holiday movie of all, Noëlle.

(Mainly because it isn’t a tradition yet as we only discovered it last Christmas, but I plan on watching it tonight and thereby solidifying it as such immediately.)

We happened across it last year while browsing the On Demand holiday genre, and looked at each other sketchily after it started – it’s totally artsy and independent filmy and a painfully slow starter. But the ending is so worth it. It kinda reminds me of one of my favorite movies ever, Dragonfly (which apparently was hated by everyone else as it is also nearly unheard of by the general public), as it has that slightly-eery-culmination-type-ending.

Okay. Rambling over. May your holidays be lacking of Christmas Shoes and full of Holiday-Flavored Coffee.

28 thoughts on “A Holiday Breakdown.

  1. Funny story…my niece’s take on “Santa Baby” (she’s almost 4): “That is a scary song. I don’t want anybody coming down my chimney. What is a chimney?”

  2. I would come to that party! Oh, and I appreciate your color-appropriate graph. :)
    Adding Noelle to the Netflix Queue now.

    1. Did you find it on there? I couldn’t find it on Netflix this year. Of course, I was looking on my phone and I think they’ve changed the app to where you can only see instantly available movies….

  3. Um… I know I’m a bit late, but the song “The Happiest Christmas Tree” was playing in the bathroom at work a few minutes ago and I thought I might have to hurt someone for allowing such an idiotic, annoying song to play in a professional or even public environment.

    I’m going to search Netflix, when I get home, to find Noëlle. Sounds interesting, and I tend to like the artsy-independent films. Have you seen Amélie?

    Merry Christmas!

    1. I haven’t… but it sounds oddly like Noelle’s sister! I’ll have to check it out.

      And I’ve also never heard the Happiest Christmas Tree – but it doesn’t sound like I’m missing anything.

  4. Oh, I got in on this too late but I had to let everyone know there is someone who likes Santa Baby!!

    My Xmas Likes
    – The Music- puts me in a good mood, I love Santa baby and all I want for Xmas is you and baby it’s cold outside!! (as well as others!)
    -Xmas light looking
    -Picking and buying gifts that I think others will like
    -Surprise of a present (also love dirty Santa, prob for this reason- surprise of a gift)
    -Food- especially the items I only eat at this time
    -Cheesy tv specials
    -Family that I don’t see other times of the year
    -Love getting Xmas cards- esp picture ones
    -Watching Xmas movies at the Alabama theater
    -Fav Xmas movies- Elf, Rudolph, White Xmas 

    Xmas Dislikes
    -Baking Xmas cookies- do it every yr because my kids love it. Hate it. Specifically I have a deep hatred toward rolling pins. 
    -People who complain about Xmas- too much work, music too early- just keep it to yourself 
    -Any Xmas song by the eurythmics and depressing Xmas songs- Xmas shoes I count here and there’s no snow in Africa 
    -Xmas movies I dislike-Christmas story, Charlie brown, grinch (both versions)
    -Little drummer boy song- I have tried to like it, great message, the “rum pa pums” totally annoy me
    -Having a real tree in my house- watering, sweeping needles- who needs one more chore over the holidays?! :)

    My “like” list could go on and on! I had to cut it down. But I am also married to a Christmas lover- we begin watching Xmas movies in July! So when Xmas music and decorations in the store come out in October, we think it’s about time!!

  5. There’s a Christmas Shoes movie too! Ugh! Glad I’ve missed out on it. I just found the movie Babes in Toyland yesterday at the pharmacy and brought it home and made my kids watch it. I don’t really remember much about it except I liked it as a kid. I think we’ll all watch it together this weekend. Merry Christmas!

  6. I can not believe that National Lampon’s Christmas Vacation recieved a 77% dislike rating as it was a complete sell out (over 2,000 people) last Friday night at the Alabama theater. Maybe most cousin Eddie fans are unable to read and therfore could not respond and defend this Christmas classic since 1981. I hope Clark (Chris) was one of the three like votes as he was raised on this archetypal movie to end all Christmas classics. Merry Christmas to you and all your readers and keep the great pictures of the two most precious granchildren in the world coming in the new year.

  7. Holiday flavoured coffee – you guys are weird! But actually, I think some of your flavoured coffee is better than the stuff we get here. My mother in law brought back some hazelnut coffee that was actually nice.

    Anyhoo, hope you have a lovely Christmas (as I’m sure you will). :)


  8. I am not moving to any island unless your children go with me. After the survey I heard the worst Christmas song ever, ever—what’s his name Foxworthy’s 12 Redneck Days of Christmas, it should be banned.

  9. I would definitely attend that party. I think you should devise a way for the remaining antler to attach front and centered on your windshield, just like Max.

  10. I also loathe “A Christmas Story.” I had never seen it until a couple years ago, and felt like I was completely missing out on some great piece of American hilarity based on how other people raved over it. So then my husband and I watched it, full of expectation, and to this day neither one of us understands why it is so popular…

  11. Love, love, love A Christmas Story. And Christmas Vacation. Really hate flavored coffee creamers – totally fake tasting – to me anyway. Other than that, gotta agree on most of your findings. So sorry it’s all over for another year:(

    Just found your blog via the mom jean post. I am mortified…just bought 2 pair of mom jeans (they have both of the phrases you said to avoid – “tapered” and “sits at waist”) – they are either going back to the store (if I have the receipt) or Goodwill if I don’t. Thanks for saving me…esp. in such a hilarious fashion.

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