Hi! Noah Here.
And welcome to Baby v. Food!
I’m a food fanatic who’s only been eating for about two months, but I haven’t yet met anything I didn’t like to eat – food or otherwise.
Now I’m on a mouthwatering journey to pig out as often as possible, and take on the Mommy’s most legendary eating challenges.
I’m no competitive eater, just a regular baby with a serious appetite.
Today, I’m visiting The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy’s kitchen. They serve gigantic portions of miniature goldfish, fruit, crackers, and pretty much whatever food scraps The Servants decide to share with me.
I am constantly astounding The Servants with the portion sizes that I can put down. So today, The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy has prepared a massive food challenge for me.
It’s ginormous.
It’s epic.
It’s bigger than my head!
That’s right, people.
5 Club Crackers,
50 Goldfish,
2 colossal Strawberries,
21 Blueberries,
and a whole fruit cup of Mandarin Oranges!!
Of all of the babies that have taken on this challenge, ZERO have succeeded.
If I can finish this whole meal in 30 minutes or less, I will get my picture put on the wall of fame, will get a T-Shirt stating that I Survived The Baby Challenge, and most importantly, I will win a new high chair cover so that I can get rid of the awful girly toile left over from The Sister!
But there are rules to this challenge.
1. No milk.
2. No diaper changes.
3. No mid-meal napping.
4. No hiding items in my bib.
5. Paci use allowed only for brief intervals to aid in swallowing.
6. And, again, I only have 30 minutes.
With a plate of Baby Euphoria stacked between me and eternal food glory, I’m ready to take on this challenge!
This is my ultimate hunger quest. This is Baby v. Food!!!
Start the clock, people, and give me my first bite.
Ohhh YUM.
… the crunch of that goldfish is just right, the delicate mixture of gold and fish prepared perfectly. It just makes me want to sink my teeth into it!!
…if I had any.
Now. It’s time to get to business. The first strategy I’m going to employ is to eat an even mixture of all of the foods, letting the juicier fruits help me break down the drier crackers.
I also will liberally employ the Not Chewing Technique – which The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy will discover tomorrow in a most gruesome way.
I feel great. The Club Crackers are fresh, crisp, and delicious, and those pre-packaged, preservative-pumped Mandarin Oranges just can’t be beat.
Ten minutes in, and I’m already making huge progress!
…But those crackers are beginning to catch up with me.
I wanna puke,
I wanna poo,
…but I manage to hold it together and demand that The Servant give me another bite.
Oh, that bite went down hard.
But I press on.
…as do all of those goldfish on my stomach lining.
Twenty minutes in, and I’ve had all I can take. The thing I was afraid of is actually starting to happen – I’ve hit The Wall.
Here comes The Sister Who Calls Herself Ali! Just as I thought I was going to let all of those goldfish swim free,
She is cheering me on!
She believes in me!
I can do this!! For her, and to finally rid myself of that embarrassing toile!!
Four … more … bites …
Three … more … bites …
Two … more … bites …
ONE!! MORE!! BITE!!!
I DID IT!!!!
In this epic battle of Baby v. Food,
BABY WON!!!
I will now be taking questions from the audience.
Yes, the young lady to my left.
Baby, what do you think about the fact that The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy forgot that she wasn’t supposed to be feeding you strawberries until you’re one year old?
Well, I appear to not be allergic to them, but I’ll let you know for sure in the morning.
Yes, you over there to my right.
So Baby, how do you feel right now?
I feel like I need to be wearing about eight Pampers.
That’s all we have time for, so thanks for joining us for today’s episode of Baby v. Food!!!
If you want to see the extended edition, where I reenact a backwards version of Jonah and the whale,
Go to my travel blog…or don’t. No one wants to see that.
This is so great! We love Man v. Food. You captured this perfectly!
Thank you! I knew I’d need some diehard Man V. Food viewers to really appreciate it!!
Oh my – I don’t envy you your grocery bill :) Particularly when he hits puberty…
Yes, me neither. He’s already going through the food like a teenager…
What a good little eater! His plate did look pretty yummy!
Yummy!
As for the strawberry thing, I started looking up some kind of basis for that recommendation for a friend this week who wanted to give one to her 6-month-old. I read in an article that the American Academy of Pediatrics removed berries from their list of foods to delay to prevent allergies in 2008; however, without a membership to the AAP, I can’t look up the actual recommendation on their website. The only exception is if the parents have that allergy, but it would make sense to withhold or delay introduction of any food that the parents are allergic to.
Yes, strawberries are one of those iffy things. I’m not surprised they’ve removed them. Thanks for the info!
Oh this is hilarious. Just wait until he’s 11 and from what I hear a teenager!
I’m afraid. Very afraid.
Hilarious. Did he struggle to eat all of that ?
Not really – that’s the scary part!
You are so funny! And, Noah is adorable! And, Ali is such a good sport!! So cute!
Too funny! That one made me literally lol!
Love it!!! Alyssa Kaye is impressed!
Holy moly! That is a lot of food for such a little guy! I’m definitely impressed. :) My girls eat those mandarin oranges almost every day. They LOVE fruit cups! And even though they are probably more expensive they are just so handy that I buy them by the basket full. When we eat out I bring them along because I figure hamburgers and french fries are redeemed by fruit cups. Haha :)
I can’t believe how much Noah is changing! He looks so different in these pictures to me! I think it’s the hair. Is his hair growing? I don’t know what it is but he looks a lot older.
Mandarin Oranges are so awesome for kids – they’re perfect! He is growing up, and his hair is definitely getting longer. I keep waiting for it to make up it’s mind as to whether it’s going to curl or not (some days it seems like it will, some days it doesn’t) because he’s getting quite the mullet.
Ok Rachel … can’t get cuter than that!
I cannot believe he ate the whole thing. I love, love this post.
Noah is an amazing blogger and that was a lot of food for a little fellow to put away. I loved his rendition in Baby vs. Food – I can just see Adam making those same comments and facial expressions on Man vs. Food.
Great post!
P.S. How did you get the microphones on your photos?
Noah says Thanks!
The magic of photoshop helped me with the microphones and the show logo! :)
Wow Noah! 50 Goldfish??!!! Amazing.
I think this is one of your best posts ever!
He appreciations your declaration of bestness!!
Ha ha, that’s hilarious! My he’s looking so nicely plump and cute!
Thank you! Yes, food challenges on a bi-daily basis do definitely tend to plump one up…
I knew he could do it! And I bet he can do it again later today too :)
Yup – two times a day, every day!! His thighs are made from goldfish.
He is gorgeous.
Thank you! I think so. Some days, too pretty – he’s going to have to keep his knees skinned to give him a rough, boyish look in a few years.
Impressive, even though I know these certain three kids who could match his skills when they were his age. None of them had his awesome hair however! Also, I can save u from the new high chair cover purchase. Have a great reversible one here, blue on both sides, very manly!
Now I’m stuck wondering which one of your kids is the bad eater. And Noah would greatly appreciate the manly high chair cover!
I just love how much fun you are having with your baby! He really could be a star of a food network show!
AWE-SOME!
WOW, that is pretty awesome! Better start saving for your grocery bills during his teenage years!
So…I spent a lot of time making my first ever vlog today (and feeling really silly doing it), and it was a disaster.
My husband accidentally interrupted one video, so it was ruined. I then proceeded to unknowingly chop half my head off in the next one. And the last two have mysteriously gone “poof,” so I’m feeling pretty darn awesome in the blogging category right now, no longer have a post for tomorrow, and was having a pretty big blogging pity-party until I decided to do something super-productive and read your blog instead of figuring out a substitute for tomorrow’s post.
So glad I did.
After all, if Noah can manage to down that.much.food at the tender age he was in these pics, surely I can figure out how to salvage a post by tomorrow morning (okay, not so sure about that one, but I was trying to be positive).
Tell him, he’s truly an inspiration (and to the Servant who calls herself Mommy…this was awesome!)
Babies should be exclusively breastfed until at least one year.