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Stepping Into The Light.

June 12, 2017June 12, 2017 Rachel Callahan I Love Birmingham, I Play at Photography, I'm a Glutton for Adventure, The Blissfulness of Life

Trigger Warning: Dear Mom, don’t read this post.

(I made the mistake of telling my Mom the some of the details of this adventure on Sunday. She asked me to please never ever tell her if I did this or anything like it again.)

Stephens Gap Callahan Cave Preserve (no relation to any Callahans or Stephens I know) has been on my mental bucket list for a few years, from the moment I first saw a photo of it. It is one of those surreal natural wonders that I a) couldn’t believe existed and b) certainly couldn’t believe existed only two hours from my front door. But it requires a permit, you must travel with at least one other person, and there was no way I could take my kids, so a full day where I could take on such an adventure requires a bit of planning to pull off. I tried last year while the kids were in camp, but Noah got strep. But this would be my year.

Oh and also – the whole thing is super dangerous. This is the “real” kind of cave – unlike the thoroughly safe DeSoto Caverns I visited earlier this year, this one is not lit or guard-railed to make it safe, does not have staff to show you what to do, and you have to sign all the waivers acknowledging that you may or may not survive. I very specifically did not Google how many people had died there until after the trip (the answer is three – that I found articles on, anyway.)

I recruited three people to join me – a photographer who interned with me last school year, Jake Marvin, his mom Kim, and his sister Anna. Kim came prepared. A backpack full of water and a bottle of liquid Benadryl – basically what every cave expedition needs (I mean, helmets and a flashlight would’ve been real nice, but Benadryl was just as well.) It was a mile hike to the cave, along which I got a text from my dear husband.

“I’ll always remember you.”

The cave is set up as such: there’s the “pit”, which is a 143 foot drop straight down with a waterfall running through it. The pit faces upward in such a direction that it catches light beams in a most magical way. To the left of the pit there’s a climb-down entrance. We arrived at the climb-down entrance first, and it was so steep looking that I said, “Okay – here’s the pit.”

…until we found the actual pit. At which point I realized that other hole had indeed been where we would have to climb down. This is the pit:

After Jake and Anna completely freaked their mother out by getting way to close to the pit, we headed back to the climb-down entrance.

We began our descent, which wasn’t as steep once we got started. It was, however, quite slippery. There were streams and waterfalls in several places along the entryway, making rocks slippery and unstable. Just as I said “look at all these jagged rocks just waiting to break a tailbone!!”, I managed to slip and fall onto my tailbone. Thankfully I have enough cushioning back there to break the fall with no damage.

As we got lower into the cave, the dancing sunbeams took our collective breath away. As we rounded the corner where we could truly see the scene, we were all in awe.

This is what we saw.

The sunbeams were alive, getting brighter and dimmer and sometimes completely disappearing, leaving the cave instantaneously dark. Sometimes they would fade just enough to allow the waterfall behind them to be seen.

As water and waterfalls were coming from multiple directions (you can see another waterfall in the right of the above picture), it was impossible to keep our camera lenses dry, hence the droplets on many of the shots.

Since Kim was The Mom of our trip, I sent her to investigate the pedestal – the large round rock upon which the light beams were shining. It was perched on the edge of the pit, about 50 feet up from the bottom. Everything was wet and slippery, and we’d pre-agreed that no one would be going onto the pedestal unless we felt it was safe, even though that was the shot we had come for.

Kim and Anna inched their way around the top edge first, looking for a step down. There wasn’t a viable choice.

Jake and I were busy setting up our cameras and getting our angles just right when they finally reported (or yelled, as all of the waterfalls made it extremely loud): the only way to the pedestal was from below. Which meant walking through a stream/waterfall, then climbing up the rocks leading to the pedestal.

Anna tried it first. I give Kim full credit for her allowing of this endeavor. But she made it look easy – somehow. And Anna was the first we got in The Shot.

Starting in the bottom left-hand corner of this picture, you can see the rushing water that she had to navigate down. That rushing water goes straight into the pit, so slipping is not advised. She stayed up there for a few shots, then climbed down and back up to us.

Kim went next – she wore her Wonder Woman shirt for the occasion.

She couldn’t hear our photographical instructions over the roar of the waterfall, which led to this gem of a picture.

As Kim made her way back up, I got a bad video of her navigating the water:

It was my turn. I would hate myself forever if I didn’t try this, no matter how frightening it looked from my angle. I set my camera up on the tripod and left it in Jake’s trusty hands. I brought a dress tied to my backpack – I untied it and draped it like a scarf around my neck. And I slowly began my descent through the waterfall. I shimmied from side to side, trying to find the driest rocks and the safest hand-holds possible, but still fully immersing my feet in the rushing water several times. There were thankfully some really polite rocks that offered perfectly contoured handles on the way down. But still, I admit it: I was a bit terrified.

I made it to the bottom of the pedestal and began climbing up. The rocks were of a size that made it fairly easy at first, aside from the fact that they were all covered in mud that was most likely comprised of 24 different types of bat guano. When I got to the final rock of the pedestal, I realized that there was no way up without a full marriage between my legs, hands, and butt and the fairly thick pile of guano mud. So I went for it. I received a full-body mud treatment, but I made it to the top.

I unfurled my dress and threw it over my workout clothes that were now covered in a wet layer of slop. My long dress dusted through the mud. I took out my ponytail and shook my hair loose. I heard cheering from the other side of the ravine – I’m sure it was for my super-glamorous model preparation.

And then I posed. And Jake got The Shot for which I had waited so long.

As I looked up to the sky, it was every bit as surreal as one would imagine. The sun twinkling above me, waterfalls dripping and rushing from multiple directions, and rainbows dancing in the beams and mist – all only viewable from my current location. I wanted so badly to have my camera there with me – but the wet and muddy journey combined with the extreme moisture of the air around me prevented that option entirely. However, experiencing the moment – staring into that rainbowey, waterfalley, sunburstey canvas – it was about as close to heaven as one can experience on this earth.

This absolutely should be one of the most notable wonders of our country.

Getting down was actually more terrifying that getting up – the foothold I’d used to get onto the rock was not accessible from a front-facing position, and I was not willing to slide down on my stomach. After sitting there for a few minutes not knowing if I’d ever leave the pedestal, I gave myself a pep talk.

C’mon Rachel. You’ve been doing planks and push-ups all year. You’ve even been lifting weights, albeit the lightest ones. You need to put some belief in your arms and lower yourself down. It’s the only way.

I planted both my palms solidly through the mud and onto the platform, then slowly lowered my body down to the next rock I could find footing. For a tenth of a second I thought I would surely slip and slide off into the pit, but I didn’t. My level of adrenaline was off the charts.

I had done something. Something that felt entirely unsafe, at least in my narrow construct of life.

Jake went last. I felt bad because by the time his turn came, my camera was hopelessly moist (something that was giving me no small amount of anxiety, considering I’ve already lost one camera to moisture), and all of my pictures of him had a slight smudged quality.

Once even my camera decided to turn him into a ghost…which, honestly, is a pretty awesome mistake.

The sunbeams “went out” once when he was up there – you can see what it looks like here with just the waterfall:

But the beams returned, we got a few more photos, and then he began his descent back down.

When we finally all climbed our way back out of the cave, I immediately texted Chris and proclaimed our survival. He was overjoyed that he would have more than just a memory of his wife.

As we walked back on the trail, the full extent of my personal moisture began to take hold. I very much realized what it must feel like to be a toddler walking around with a dirty diaper. Had I thought to bring a change of clothes? Of course not. And so, I drove two hours back, waited around an hour, picked up my kids from camp, and headed home – and a full five hours after emerging from the cave, still a good bit damp, I finally was able to begin the process of de-guano-ing myself.

I’m positive that the long-lasting effects on my skin will be amazing. And I can’t wait to do it all over again (but don’t tell my mom.)

The Resurrection of Long Butt: Finding a Better Swimsuit.

May 22, 2017May 21, 2017 Rachel Callahan Actually Possibly Informational, Don't Listen to my Fashion Advice

When a fashion trend troubles me, I find myself studying it intensely, attempting to mentally work out a solution. How could we keep this look but ditch everything that makes it absolutely horrendous? These questions plague my mind in dark, subconscious corners until I concoct a solution. That’s how, in 2009, I found myself publishing the first of many posts about the terrible plague of Long Butt caused by the wrong blue jeans.

And, in many ways, those problems have been solved. (And in many ways the fashion industry is trying to convince us that Long Butt is back in style. But it’s not, y’all. IT IS NOT.)

However, there’s a new long butt in town. And it is seducing both moms and non-moms, convincing them that it can solve all their problems.

But they lie. To solve one problem, they create two more problems in their wake. Do not believe the lies.

Let me introduce you to the Dastardly New Long Butt, and then give my proposed solution to fixing it.

It is…The High Waisted Swimsuit Bottom.

Oh sure.

It’s vintage.

It’s mod.

And most importantly, it tempts viciously with the promise to conceal our post-baby-having pooch (or our pre-baby-having pooch – I’ve had both.) Furthermore, those of us who suffered through all of our abdominal muscles and tendons being shoved and severed for our c-sections especially appreciate the value in having a pooch smoosher.

However.

I just got back from several days at the beach and have seen many of these suits in person, and here’s what I’ve observed.

1. Even in front view, the bottom half of the woman in question always looks awkwardly larger than the top half, even when it is clear that the woman’s bottom half isn’t actually larger. The funhouse mirror optical illusion graciously provided by the super length (when a wearer hasn’t been airbrushed) is not delightful.

2. The butt. Oh, the butt. The problem is, you cannot fully tell in an unmoving picture what horrors the rear of this swimsuit does to ones backside. It’s when the backside is in motion that you can assess with wide-eyes, watching as the three-foot-long butt waggles back and forth. And, since it’s generally considered rude or at least a little weird to stare at another woman’s backside for a prolonged period of time, I’ve done all the staring for you. And no matter what the woman’s body shape, the butt is never flattered by the high waisted bottom. It’s not the lady’s booty’s fault – it’s the swimsuit.

In fact, most of the time you can’t even find an honest enough swimsuit company to show you the full view of their high waisted backsides – because even on the size zero model, that booty lengthens into a full-on Grandma-Butt. Even from this side view, though, you can see that they’ve taken her butt (which I’m sure is lovely) and stretched it long then pancaked it flat like they were rolling a pizza dough out of a full can of polka-dotted play-dough.

Here’s one that showed the entire backside tragedy, only multiplied by the ever widening polka-dots:

And here’s another that was even a bit more honest to the actual shape of an actual woman:This delightful lady’s butt deserves so much better, y’all.

Also, don’t fall for the high-waisted front gimmicks.

More Coverage! More distractions from your belly!

You know what this artsy little tie-waist becomes on a normal human? A pooch hammock.

You know what this trendy vintage buttoned look becomes when it’s not on a perfect model? Mickey Mouse pants. And I know you do not want every toddler at the pool running up to you for autographs.

And the ruched look, in real life, is a pooch beach ball. Play with the beach ball, don’t become it.

So. What, you ask, is the solution to this obvious fashion conundrum? Can we have our high waists without the long butt and maximization optics?

Yes, I believe you can.

Note: I’m not willing to try these on myself and show you the comparisons on the same body as I did in my denim posts – blue jeans and bathing suit bottoms are two VERY different animals. So you’re just going to have to trust my intense staring at the women I’ve seen and my dedicated study of the products on the internet. (Unless one of you wants to volunteer your assets for the sake of this post – I’ll gladly photograph you in all the bathing suit bottoms. No? Okay then. Let’s continue.)

Here’s the solution: a wide waistband.

A big butt may be in style right now, but a long butt is not. Nor is a long butt a naturally occurring feature – it’s only a lie of clothing that creates the catastrophe of long buttedness. So give yourself a waist instead. Wide waistbands in all areas of clothing have long been known to minimize width, provide support, and give a defined separation of butt and waist, thereby eliminating the eternibutt that high waists can cause. There aren’t many high-waist-wide-waistband swimsuit bottoms on the market yet, but my prediction and hope is that this is where the trend will head – because it’s the perfect solution.

Here’s a great example. Even though the waistband is subtle in the back, look how flattering both the front and back are when there is clear separation of waist. Study her butt and see how it doesn’t elongate it at all – it just cinches her waistline and offers an hourglass figure.

Note: white has to be the most dangerous swimsuit color for a myriad of reasons and I am not recommending the color, but there are other colors available – they just don’t show back views.

Let’s look at a couple side-by-sides and admire the ability of the wide waistband to limit the amount of butt perceived.

Here’s another great example. It is admittedly cheekier than I’m willing to be, but the extra-extra wide waistband is such a nice look. Notice how it cinches and provides that visual separation that is so vital to the proper length of our backsides.

How wide is wide enough?

This next one is not wide enough. A narrow waistband makes everything worse, giving the impression that your swimsuit is desperately trying to cinch your butt into a velvet satchel but can’t quite get it closed.

You’ve got to go as wide as possible to get the benefit. Wider than yoga pants. Wider than palazzo pants. Wider than the English Channel.

If you have to sacrifice one or the other, I’d recommend trying a slightly lower waisted bottom that still has a wide waistband rather than a narrower waistband on a longer waist. Most of us have the pooch low enough that these would cover it, and it still gives a flattering look without any cinching or long butt hangover:

Option 1:

Option 2 – the printed waistband offers an even more defined and lovely butt cutoff.

…But don’t get craaaaaazy with your separation – this is not the bottom we’re looking for, ladies.

So. Treat your butt nicely this summer. And gift it with a waist.

FAQs:

– How about a swim skirt? I personally love a good swim skirt, and I do not think that they elongate the butt, if you find the right one. Of all the shapes of swim skirts I’ve tried, I prefer the fitted side scrunch cut. I recently purchased this one and love it:

– What about fitted swim shorts? These usually tend to cut off on the widest part of the hips, giving an unattractive hip line unless you are blessed with slender hips. Not recommended.

– What if I pair my high waisted bottom with a tankini top? Will my butt still look endlessly long? No – as long as the bottom of your tankini comes to the top of your butt, it will work as a surrogate line of separation. If you’re going tankini, Land’s End has the most flattering ones out there, in my experience.

I receive no compensation or affiliate credits for any of the links provided in this post. All research is done out of my desire to advance the cause of flattering the already beautiful female form.

Things I’ve been Enjoying.

March 29, 2017March 29, 2017 Rachel Callahan Stuff I like

I have not cared to blog AT ALL the last couple of weeks because I have just finished my first re-read of all seven Harry Potter books. One of my favorite book series, I’ve wanted to do this but never felt like I had “the time” to dive in. But Ali finished book 4 (Goblet of Fire), and I wanted to make sure our encouragement of letting her read the rest at her current age of 10 was a good decision. This was the perfect excuse I needed to immerse myself into Hogwarts and beyond – “For the child. I do it for the child.”

Here are my thoughts from re-reading:

– Upon my first reading, I did not enjoy book 5 (Order of the Phoenix). It was too dark, and Harry was too moody. But after having the entire picture of why Harry was grumpy and what was going on and what important information was gleaned in that year that was necessary later, I actually quite enjoyed it the second time.

– Books 5-7 are in a league of their own. They are the most gripping, engaging books I’ve ever read. I’m almost mad that the movies exist because of how much richness they leave out. I took 45 days to read the first four books, but only 6, 5, and 4 days respectively to read books 5, 6, and 7 – despite them being exponentially longer than the first four. They’re simply stunning works of art.

– My first reading of the books (before watching any movies, of course) happened when I was pregnant with Ali. Only books 1-6 were out during that time. Book 7 came out the next summer, when Ali was 6 months old and I was in the depths of post-partum depression (unmedicated at that point.) I did not remember this timing, but once I started book 7, I looked up the publishing date, sure that something was amiss, and it all made sense. My memories of 1-6 were very clear and mostly positive, but I remembered not liking book 7 and thinking it was a total drag. This time around, there were parts of book 7 of which I had zero recollection, and I enjoyed the book immensely. The moral of this story is: don’t read excellent literature for the first time while you’re depressed. Or if you do, read it again later.

– The books were infinitely richer on the reread, and lost none of the appeal because I knew how they ended. There are so many hidden nuggets throughout the books (even starting in book 1) that you cannot understand until you’ve read them all. Seeing all of these brilliantly included foretellings takes away any sadness over the lack of surprise.

– I’ve been simultaneously reading The Wingfeather Saga (by Andrew Peterson) out loud to the kids while reading Harry Potter to myself, and The Wingfeather Saga did not pale in comparison. If you’re needing another series to read that has many of the special elements of the Harry Potter series (lots of surprises, a fascinating and unique world, finding out more and more about how that world works as the series goes on), I definitely recommend it. It’s no Harry Potter, but it’s not too far off.

– Yes, I did give Ali permission to go ahead and read whichever Harry Potter books she wants.

Next on my reading list that will keep me from wanting to blog again: Harry Potter and The Cursed Child. I start tonight.

Other things that I’ve enjoyed lately:

– The Skimm – a free news newsletter (literal NEWSletter?) that catches me up on the news in a delightfully sing-song, lighthearted fashion. They write wonderful things like “meanwhile, Trump is trying to ctrl-z that budget item…” Y’all – replacing “ctrl-z” for “cut” in a news article is speaking my love language. It’s been a good way to keep up with what’s going on in the world without freaking out about it – and it’s the first daily email that I actually look forward to. Whether or not you get your news elsewhere, this is sure to entertain.

– dotted journals (sometimes referred to as bullet journals.) I discovered these journals toward the end of last year (much thanks to my dear friend Carla Jean) and ever since, they’ve been helping me organize my life. They’ve made me much more productive, and have helped with this year’s resolution, which is to have monthly goals rather than yearly goals. Working on something for 30 days is so much easier than a year, and I’ve often created a new habit by the end of 30 days, so I don’t need to track it any further.

I currently have 3 bullet journals in regular use (two Northbooks and one Miliko), and an extra bullet journal as a scratch pad. They are:

1. My to-do list/catch-all notebook – it contains a universal to-do list that I rewrite about once a month or whenever the page gets full, plus all sorts of other lists, planning pages, and information – keeping an index in the front of the book and numbering the pages makes this doable and possible.

2. A bible journaling notebook – I use one side of the page for bible study, and the other side to artistically write/draw a bible verse – it’s a way I can take part in the bible journaling fun without the stress of actually drawing in a bible and potentially messing up.

3. My monthly goals book (this one is the spiral-bound Miliko – I just leave the month’s page facing up and on my bedside table to make it easy to remember to track.) Each month I pick 5-ish things that I want to work on or track, and mark my progress each day, along with tracking how I felt that day and what I did that day. It’s a great way for me to track how things affect my Dysautonomia (a lot of my monthly goals are actually health “experiments” to see what helps make me feel better), along with keeping a short one-sentence journal of each day. I’ve found that it’s surprisingly fun to read back over.

In the back of this notebook, I’m also keeping up with mine and the kid’s mileage for the year. (I know mine in MapMyRun, but don’t track the kid’s miles anywhere else.)

There’s something magical about the dots in these journals that makes journaling and to-do listing so much easier and more fun. I really enjoy the manual part of it – I still keep my calendar on my phone, but written lists and tracking just feel right. Of course, a set of colored pens are necessary to truly make it this much fun. Oh – and a natural anal-retentive nature. But if you think I’m crazy, go search #bulletjournal or #bujo on Instagram. You’ll be lost for hours, mouth agape, at what crazy levels people go to bujo their lives.

– Yoga With Adriene – I needed to do yoga to help some back pain I’ve been having (still left over from 2015’s wreck) but the idea of going to a class felt like another thing that I didn’t have time for. It took me about a week to have a eureka moment and realize that there are probably yoga classes on YouTube. Sure enough, I found Adriene. She’s not too cheesy and has hundreds of videos to choose from – I like searching for topics and being gleeful that she’s covered them (“back pain”, “for runners”, “in a bad mood”, “left pinkie pain”) (Okay I don’t know if she has one for left pinkie pain but if anyone did, she would.) She also has videos of every length – 6 minutes to 50 minutes. Anyway. I kinda am in love with Adriene.

– Trader Joe’s – We’ve only had one for about a year and the first time I went in, I was so confused. Was this a grocery store? A snack foods store? A random collection of brand new products that I have to figure out how they fit in my life? But I’m finally starting to get the hang of it and finding the things I like, such as the dried peaches, dried sweetened mango, cinnamon pecans, frozen risotto, some of the soups (some are just terrible – it’s a real hit-and-miss kind of game), triple ginger cookies, dried okra (no seriously it’s interesting and good), and their refrigerated pastas – especially the butternut-squash-filled pasta. But I’m still learning so let me know what you like.

I have an embarrassing amount of workout clothes. But I’ve finally found my all-time favorite tank, the Brooks Go-To Racerback Tank.

More importantly, there are a few of last year’s model on sale for $12.60 on Amazon (and also here, size large in a different color, but this one’s not showing up in any searches so it might be gone soon – especially since I just bought two.) It’s long and thoroughly covers the butt, it’s not clingy, it’s comfortable, and it’s flattering. But definitely buy it a size too big.

What have you enjoyed lately?

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