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Under Lock and Key.

July 17, 2015July 16, 2015 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Kids: The Experience.

Ali spent an entire Saturday morning planning and creating an extraordinarily intricate blanket fort.

Like Fort Knox itself, her construction boasted of all of the necessary building components to create the highest security possible – chairs, every blanket in the house, random objects like hammocks and toys to fill in the gaps left by the blankets, and a road rug. So that if you try to crash your car into the fort, you’ll just drive up that rug road and off to the right. A perfect deterrent.

There was even a watering can in case of emergency flower moisture needs.

I was allowed inside the fort on a heavily curated tour once and only once – to survey the fine architecture and high security measures housed therein.

Deep within the bowels of the fort, there was a Guard Rabbit, armed with a mighty light and aided by a Teddy Deputy. They were responsible for carefully hiding and protecting the entrance to The Vault.

To get to this most important secondary room, both guards, a pillow, and two backpacks had to be moved in just the right order so as not to set off any Indiana-Jones-style snares or trap doors into a room full of snakes (I’m assuming – although Ali has never seen Indiana Jones to glean from their wisdom.)

Carefully, Ali moved them to allow me to visit The Sacred Vault. To feast my eyes on what lay beneath.

The most guarded and precious room in the fort was a treasure indeed.

It was a library.

As it should be.

Have a nice weekend curled up in a fort vault somewhere.

22 Things Learned From a Year of Running.

July 8, 2015June 28, 2019 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Running

Today is my One Year Runningversary. In the past 365 days, I’ve run nearly every day, totaling 1,258 miles and a calorie burn (supposedly) of 135,000.

I was determined to run to fight my dysautonomia, was finally able to get motivated enough to start running by the below “before” picture, and became obsessed with running every day because of how much it did help my dysautonomia…and because my FitBit demanded it.

(Despite what the before/after picture might suggest, I have not gotten rid of my husband in the past year. Without him to encourage me, keep the kids for me, and offer running advice, I would have given up running within the first month.)

You might say that running has changed my life. A bit. So here are the list of ways – strange and wonderful and disgusting – that you, too, might find your life changing from running.

1. Your minor toes could change shape, becoming less cylindrical and more cubic. You will marvel at the new, bizarre angles that your toes possess.

2. You will become very shower-confused. Previously, you might have showered at the same time every day – say, when you woke up or when you went to bed. Now, you shower after you run. If you don’t run, you will walk around in a daze, confused as to when or if you should shower. You might even ask the people around you if they can detect a reason that you should cleanse yourself.

3. You may not lose weight. You may even gain weight. But you’ll feel so strong and so much better about yourself for your ability to run miles at a time that you won’t care nearly as much about those numbers. And also you’ll be convinced that each calf weighs 50 pounds in muscle mass.

4. But since your scale OBVIOUSLY didn’t get the memo, you might never step on it again. Stupid numbers.

5. Running numbers, however, are unbelievably motivating. If you’re Type A and maybe even if you aren’t, they’ll motivate you on days that you don’t feel like running, and will motivate you to go further on days you do feel like running. (My motivations of choice are MapMyRun for actual running and FitBit for tracking every step I take.)

One Month on MapMyRun

One year on MapMyRun

One Year on FitBit

6. You will need a system to handle your running laundry. It stinks, it needs a way to dry both when it is marinated in sweat and after you wash it, and you don’t want to get confused as to which items are in which stage of the cycle.

7. You cannot run away from C-section bellies or thigh cellulite. But you can have pretty smokin’ definitions around your thigh cellulite. Just find that right lighting and the correct angles and OWN IT.

Not a before and after. Photos taken within two weeks of each other. This also proves that it’s better to have an eight-year-old take your photo with the camera looking up than to have your husband take a photo with the camera angled down.

8. Speaking of definition, you will regularly catch yourself admiring your calves in the mirror.

9. Which is good because those calves will prevent you from wearing half your skinny jeans and three quarters of your cropped jeans.

10. And the jeans that aren’t prevented by your calves will be prevented by your new butt. Because running will absolutely give you a butt. A butt you’re not quite sure what to do with, but that you will grow to appreciate.

11. Your new calf size and your new butt size will create a great despising of waistbands in general, and you will become a dress-wearer.

12. Except when you’re running, of course, at which time you will wear leggings as pants.

13. Running in leggings as pants will make you feel like a superhero instead of a schmuck. And you will be okay with that.

14. The difference between how solid your thighs feel in running leggings and how jiggly they feel in dresses will be extremely disconcerting. It is not recommended to change straight from leggings to a dress – only from a dress to leggings.

15. You might adopt weird and gross habits like sanding your foot callouses away. Especially if you’ve had two foot surgeries that grow scar tissue at an alarming rate when running daily.

If you delete me from your life because of this photo, I understand. I deserve it.

16. These weird and gross habits might become oddly satisfying. But you would never admit to that.

17. Running will teach you not to rely on always having a purse with you, causing you to become less attached to your purse in general, and will eventually make you wonder why you carry one at all. Then you will begin to accidentally leave it at home and will quickly remember why you need it.

18. You will become intensely aware of your psychological need for sunshine.

19. Pops and crackles will become normal sounds your body makes. Even when your knees sound like sand between your toes feels – you won’t worry. They’ll get over it.

20. 5 Hour Energy becomes your best friend. You fully bask in its magic and keep a spare in your car at all times.

21. You cannot, will not, and should not aim to run your way into having thigh gap. Those thighs have work to do – they don’t have time to gap.

22. You don’t have to get all freakishly healthy and change your eating habits to go with your running habit. So I’m off to eat a 135,000 calorie cake to celebrate – and then promptly pass out.

You may also find this post helpful…

Ten Types of Runners.

June 17, 2015June 17, 2015 Rachel Callahan "Deep" Thoughts by Rachel, Running, This is TONGUE IN CHEEK People - Don't take me Seriously.

I’m no trailblazer when it comes to running – although I’ll take a new path for an adventure, on my normal runs, I prefer the most favorable locations. Minimized elevation changes (difficult to find in Birmingham), close to my house, running trails or sidewalks, and a clear route.

As such, I pass and am passed by an abundance of other runners and walkers. And I’ve begun noticing trends in runner behavior. Some are just boring runners running by, but a few have quirks. And it’s watching for the quirks that keep me entertained.

1. The Leap-Frogger. This runner cannot, or chooses not to, run at a steady and reasonable pace. You will first see him (or her) because you will run by them while they’re walking. Then, 60 seconds later, they will fly past, nearly knocking you over with their upsetting of the air around you. 90 seconds later, you will pass them walking – perhaps even limping. 60 seconds later, you will get sprayed with their sweat as they abuse the trail with their elephant-like sprint-thuds.

You cannot escape this runner. You might as well quit or forge your own path.

2. The Phone-Talker. This walker can only walk while carrying on animated phone conversations. And apparently, phoning while walking makes one extra-gossipy. Be sure to catch whatever phrases you can as you run past – they’re always juicy.
”With the PRESIDENT!”
”Then she found out he was also her step-brother!”
”He stole my favorite copy of 50 Shades of Grey!”
”Then returned it – highlighted.”

3. The Boobouncer. This vigorous running lady is either too largely gifted to be contained by or has never heard of The Sports Bra. As she comes running toward you, you will witness her receiving approximately 94 chin bruises (left and right sides) and you will weep when you think about how excruciatingly sore her chest will be tomorrow. Avoid the temptation to stop her and hand her the sports bra off your back. But feel free to run with extras to hand out en masse.

4. The Red Rover. This group of runners or walkers feel the need for togetherness and camaraderie. As such, they will run or walk in a beautifully straight yet completely impenetrable line. They will take up the entire trail as well as the passing lanes on either side, and their conversation will be so loud and in depth that they will not acknowledge your presence. You will need to know (and scream) the secret password to earn your way through.

5. The Thigh Gapped. You will look at this woman in envy – not because you necessarily want thigh gap, but because of how nicely her thighs are not destroying the inner seam holding together her leggings. Wait – Leggings?! Then you will become infuriated because the only reason you’re wearing legging capris on this blasted 99 degree July day is to save the skin on your inner thighs from being chafed into raw steak (Body Glide or no Body Glide.) If you had thigh gap you would SO be in shorts right now. Why isn’t she celebrating her lack of curves and wearing shorts?? Avoid the temptation to rip her unnecessary leggings off of her media-applauded body.

6. The Dog Tangler. This person has already been discussed at length here, but they’re worth mentioning again. She (or he) is unable to run without their dogs, and are careful to obey leash laws. However, they don’t mind at all when their dogs use those leashes to create, just for you, an instantaneous hurdle. Or worse, completely wrap their leash around your legs as you run by in order to make you fall to certain death. Dog Tanglers are one of the greatest perils to running – right behind unforeseen cliffs and poisonous dart frogs.

7. The Announcer. This guy (it’s always a dude) quietly runs up behind you and yells, right in your ear, “PASSING ON THE LEFT!!!” right before he passes on the left. With plenty of clearance to do so. One can only assume he enjoys being responsible for making you pee a little in your leggings.

(This dude is also often on a bicycle. And you better believe he uses correct arm turn signals as well.)

8. The Loudspeaker. This person enjoys running to music. They do not, however, enjoy headphones. Each time you pass him (because he’s also often a Leap-Frogger), you’ll get 3-6 more words to random lyrics stuck in the head.
“Cause Baby You’re a”
”So we’ll set the world on”
”Took effect to Ferg”

9. The Odiferous. This person stinks. Badly. But you’re running and they’re running so the smell won’t last long enough to be annoying – you’ll just be impressed.

10. The Blogger. This person will watch all of the other runners and then secretly write about them later. This is the worst type of runner indeed.

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