“Because you don’t want to be alone in the woods and run into some random guy with an axe….” These are the things girls say jokingly to each other when setting out for a trail run together. However, I run in the woods alone fairly regularly, and when I do, my mantra is more like […]
The Incident at Walgreen’s.
We were on our way home from dinner. The weather was abhorrent, but we needed two things from Walgreen’s. I went in on behalf of the whole family, because I’m sacrificial like that and also because one cannot trust one’s husband to pick out an eyebrow filling pencil. He probably doesn’t even know I fill […]
A Letter: From the Cat, To The UPS Man.
Dear Bringer of Brown Squares, Hi. I am the cat that calls the porch of the blue house my own. They call me Thomas, but others call me Midnight, Snape, Voldemort, and That $%*#& Stray Cat. You brought a couple brown squares and left them on the porch today, as you usually do. I always […]
An Education of the Wild Yeasts.
In my thirty-six years on this planet, two things have completely eluded me: Jury Duty and Sourdough Starters. Although not even being considered to sit on a John-Grisham-worthy international espionage trial did bother me, being left out of the sourdough club disturbed me at a more intrinsic level. I was beginning to think that all […]
Rage against the Feline.
Thomas The Porch Cat. I despise him with all of my physical and metaphysical being. When he first started hanging around full-time, he (our assumed pronoun – we’ve never checked) was shy, thoughtful, and timid. He was grateful for the food we gave him and was never demanding or rude in any way. That was […]
On Proving that The Mayflower > The USPS
November First. That’s where this story begins. It was the day I received an order from England for one of my Roadkill Calendars*. I have shipped plenty of things overseas. I’ve shipped to China – with the endless label written in Chinese. I’ve shipped to Africa. I’ve shipped to England. I’ve shipped to many random […]
Surgery, Snow, Smoothies, and The Senate.
All The Laws of Physics were contradicted this past week. 1. It snowed, in Alabama, in early December. Significantly (for Alabama) – 4-12 inches. 2. Said snow stuck, stayed around an extra day, and some snow is still on my yard as I type. 3. I had my uterus removed yet came home looking four […]
On Being Absolutely Delicious.
Our family has two distinct branches. There’s the Chris Branch. Chris does not recall a time when he had a run-in with any poisonous-plant-caused rash, and does not have the pleasure of experiencing bug bites of any kind. Sometimes he feels a bug on him and is annoyed by the biting sensation, but does not […]
Mom’s Worst Adventure Ever.
Sometimes Moms make mistakes. Sometimes Moms have inadvertently terrible timing. These things could both be said of me on Wednesday, but I’m going to choose to blame Noah instead. You see, we had to do an errand. And he decided to wear his extraordinarily dapper hat that Chris and I bought him last year when we […]
Let Freedom Spew.
It was the Fourth of July. I had woken up at some crazy early hour to check out of our Girl’s Weekend rental house (more on that later), drive to the Detroit airport, and fly home. That night, we had our annual fireworks watching “party” planned, for which thankfully Chris had made the preparations and […]