The Pumpkin Patch Field Trip of your Nightmares. Yield: 15 Exasperated Mothers and 58 Screaming Children. Prep Time: Longer than you can possibly conceive. Calories: Certainly enough will be burned to justify mass chocolate consumption for the following seven days. Directions: 1. Wake your children from their restful slumber in order to arrive on time. […]
The World’s Greatest Infomercial Suckers.
Let’s talk. So despite the colossal changes in our world due to the internet, infomercials still exist. Which means, they must work. And not only do they exist, but the phrase “As Seen on TV” somehow adds enough credibility for marketers to print it on the packaging of an entire aisle of drug store paraphernalia. […]
How Not to be a Doctor.
Dear New Doctor, Hi! I’m Rachel. You should know that, but since you didn’t read my chart, I guess you don’t. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve been seeing a wonderful doctor all summer, but he wasn’t in the correct specialty to continue treating me. So, he referred me to you – for your […]
You’ve Gotta Start Somewhere.
So yesterday, we began. Noah was slightly perturbed about being labeled as a troublemaker on the first day, But he couldn’t deny that there was just cause for that assumption. And no, I didn’t take a “first day of school” picture last year with which to compare these. And yes, that fact does indeed eat […]
An Explanation Of Uncomfortable Sorts.
Leaving off from yesterday’s story, Chris’ Mom arrived and took over for me so that I could go to my doctor’s appointment. At the end of my visit, they sent me down to the lab to get several vials of my precious blood stolen from my arms. Two lab techs met me at the door […]
Mortal Kombat, Mommy-Style.
We were having a perfectly lovely morning at home, doing the usual routine of “I wanna go outside!”, “I wanna go inside!”, “I wanna go outside!”, “I wanna go inside!” (my kids haven’t internalized the oppressive heat and humidity of an Alabama August and are always so surprised when confronted by it), when, upon one […]
Theories Behind Tire Explosions.
I got sideswiped by The Knight Bus yesterday. And really, it had to happen to someone. Have you seen its ludicrous speeds and maneuvers? No, I guess you haven’t, since it’s invisible to Muggles, and I’m pretty sure that Hermione and Harry aren’t regular blog readers. (But Luna Lovegood totally is.) So. I was coming […]
The Rest of the Trip.
I wrote about Disney (or the lack thereof). I wrote about LegoLand. But there was a lot of space on either ends of those experiences that deserve documenting. So here is, albeit late, my last accounting of our trip to Orlando. The best purchase that I made before we left was this method of transporting […]
If You Give a Girl a Stress Test…
There’s really nothing that starts a doctor’s visit with more flourish than to get to answer this question on your paperwork. And no, I wasn’t consulting for a boob job. Or an anti-boob job. Or even a Mammogram. It was for a stress test. And, I suppose, making a woman write her bra size in […]
In Which I was Rejected By Disney.
It all started with the Orlando Airport. We had every intention of taking all of your fantastic Disney advice, but Orlando’s airport did us in. Okay, really it started with the Birmingham airport, but I have fonder feelings toward my own airport than those of other municipalities, so I think I’ll begin the blame at […]