3am: Jumping out of bed from dead sleep to go comfort crying baby: 10 calories burned. 3:05am: Jumping out of bed again to give crying baby a paci, praying feverishly that it sticks this time while imagining inventing elastic ear loops to hold the stinkin’ paci in: 10 calories burned. 4am: Jumping out of bed […]
Her Gymnastics Career Was Like a Candle in the Wind…
We’re nearing the end of our second season of Gymnastics. Despite a rocky start, she used to love everything about it… The friends… The fashion (of course)… And even swinging on the bar for fascinatingly long periods of time with her freakishly mannish upper body strength. But something happened one day. A former coach surprised […]
Covert Lactational Medication Operations.
Caution: Not for the faint of heart. Or men. Or DEA Officers. I’ve been in a state of utter nursing panic. …a panic which I absolutely promised myself that I would not allow myself to experience this time around. I’d been doing so well… even when, at three months in, I knew I wasn’t making […]
If Only I Could Live in a Skinny Mirror…
I first became aware of the phenomenon about a decade ago. It was in a CVS Pharmacy, of all places. It must have been Christmastime, because they had a plethora of cheap-Christmas-gift-Merchandise on hand. And there was a “full-length” mirror – or at least it was a long rectangular mirror about four feet high. It […]
Wardrobial Consequences.
As I was folding my jeans on Saturday, I saw a horrific sight. My favorite pair of jeans – the most cherished item in my wardrobe – had, unbeknownst to me, acquired quite the hole. And said hole was notsomuch in a place where holes are acceptable… My first reaction was mourning, of course. There […]
Common Crazy and The Talking Breast Pump.
There’s a phenomenon in life that I’ll call The Common Crazy. The Common Crazy are all of the things that the majority of us do or think, but are afraid to admit to, because we think we might be the only ones who do or think them, and therefore, everyone else will TOTALLY think we’re […]
The Princesses of the States, 2011 Edition.
As always, Ali and I had to watch Miss America last night, also known as “The Princesses of the States” – which were thankfully much more classy Princesses than the last pageant we watched. Besides my fast forwarding through the unbelievably-looking-like-bra-and-panties swimsuit competition (really, there ARE ways to make bathing suits so that they don’t […]
The Slimy Demise of Me.
Disclaimer: This post contains medical disgust. For all three of you who like such things, feel free to keep reading. The rest of you: be warned and run far, far away. Disclaimer 2: There are always a few of you who say you felt guilty laughing at my expense. If I wasn’t okay with you […]
Recipe For the World’s Most Bizarre Weekend.
Start with a Three Week Old Baby: Who, despite his preciousness, does not sleep good on Friday night, therefore also adding in one Very-Sleep-Deprived-Three-Weeks-Post-Partum-Mommy. On Saturday morning, stir in a Four Year Old’s Birthday, starting and ending with complete sugar overload: (Sugar Overload shown in recipe provided by Krispy Kreme and my amazingly talented friend […]
Noah’s Arrival
Spoiler: This post is a Long Birth Story interspersed and ending with Unbelievably Cute Baby Pictures to help detract from the traumasticity of the contents herein – at least for my sake. As I’m finally on a low enough dose of pain meds that I can type without the screen doing funky swirly things (and […]