As I was folding my jeans on Saturday, I saw a horrific sight.  My favorite pair of jeans – the most cherished item in my wardrobe – had, unbeknownst to me, acquired quite the hole.  And said hole was notsomuch in a place where holes are acceptable…


My first reaction was mourning, of course.  There were so many things that I never got the opportunity to tell those jeans…

Then the paranoia came.  Obviously, that hole had developed at some point when my butt was actually in those jeans, meaning that there was a good chance the someone – or MANY someones – knew about the death of my jeans (and, therefore, the color of my undergarments) before I did.

(If you were one of those someones, I do apologize for my immodesty.  Oh – and I’m no longer speaking to you for allowing me to continue on in that condition, blissfully unaware of my hinder issues.)

As I continued my ten steps of grieving, next came blame.

Okay, I can’t totally blame Noah for that hole.  He didn’t make me choose to cram myself into my jeans until I was seven months pregnant, therefore stretching the very soul out of that poor, unfortunate expanse of denim.

But now I know, first hand, that Sir Isaac Newton was no fool: Every action does indeed have an equal and opposite reaction.

So of course, I became consumed with replacing my favorite pair of jeans.

Which, of course, had been discontinued.

But, thanks to my best friend, Internet, typing the style number into Google found me the one pair left in the universe – that happened to be for sale on Ebay, and in my size.

(Seriously – how DID people live before the internet existed???)

Those jeans are now flying towards me from whence they came with the help of UPS, desperately hoping that they don’t suffer the same fate as their predecessor.

…But then on Sunday I watched the Grammys. 

And I realized that my wardrobe sorely needed to be updated, not replaced.

Because – Who Knew? Denim is totally out, and CARTOON clothing is the way to go.

Lady Gaga dressed as Madeline,

(Or, at least, she dressed as Madeline in the as-yet-unpublished book, “Madeline Meets Teen Angst”.)

Nicki Minaj was most definitely channeling Cruella De Vil,

Nicki Minaj Cruella De Vil2 
And Cee-Lo was strutting the style of Giant-Elmo-Eats-The-Entire-Cast-Of-Sesame-Street.

Cee-LoSesameStreet2 copy

But I didn’t feel TOO bad, because I wasn’t the only one who didn’t get the memo:  Poor Miranda Lambert thought the style was COMMERCIALS, not cartoons.

So she naturally dressed as Mud.

MirandaLambertMud copy

Swiffer would be so proud.

13 thoughts on “Wardrobial Consequences.

  1. I recognize those pockets! And mine to have met a similar fate. Although it was along the inner thigh, and very much noticed by me! These were my “everyday” jeans, which probably should mean you can wear them any day of the week but, in my case, meant I wore them everyday they were clean, which explains thier wear-induced demise. We had a good run though. Maybe your goggle-luck will wear off on me, and I’ll have a pair making its way to me soon! Thanks for the idea!

  2. C’mon now Rachel, a good old fashioned iron-on patch is all you need to make those work for you again! My mom is a pro, she once sewed up the entire leg of my very favorite pair of Mudd jeans after the EMT had to cut them off of me after a 4-wheeler accident in 8th grade :) Hehe, I’m about as stubborn when I find “the perfect pair!” I wore them a good while after that. Glad you found replacements though! Oh, or you could still wear them with tunic-length tops only!

    1. Oh I certainly plan on repairing my former pair as well, but their integrity is definitely compromised in the backside, so they’re not going to last forever. And, since there’s apparently only one pair left in existence, I wanted them!!

  3. A girl after my own heart! With the right information and the trusty internet, you can find ANYTHING!!! I’ll tell you tomorrow about the little black dress that is on its way to me.

  4. I am most definitely a jeans killer. I end up with that one perfect beloved pair, and wear then at least 80% of the time (which also means they get washed 3 or more times a week) until they meet an unfortunate fate and disintegrate on me, at which point I both morn their passing and lament about my lack of wearable clothing (something which neither my husband or mother have ever understood as they simply suggest I wear one of those “other” pairs of pants hanging in my closet without the slightest understanding of how those other pairs of jeans are so ungood).

    And I fully commend the awesomeness of finding a replacement pair on ebay!!

  5. Wow. I think I say that a lot on your blog. But that Sesame street picture is just CRAZY! Was that supposed to be a real outfit or was he doing some kind of Sesame Street play?? I cannot believe that! The Madeline picture cracked me up, totally looked like her!

    Sorry to hear about your jeans! I have one pair of jeans I love right now and I wear them ALL the time. T actually said to me, “Don’t you have some other jeans?” haha :) So I understand. Hopefully you’ll be able to fix the other ones so you’ll now have TWO pairs! That is a weird spot for a hole though. You must have snagged it on something but not noticed. I bet your Mom could make the hole disappear with her sewing talents! Or she could just smock over it. :)

  6. You are too funny. I love those picture comparisons.

    I used to have favorite jeans. Then the company who-shall-remain-nameless kept the name of the jeans, but totally redesigned them. They are now far too long and the fabric is too thin. Simply not the same pants. Still searching desperately for new favorite jeans.

  7. I know who Cee-Lo is…I know (unfortunately) who Lady Gag-Gag…I mean GaGa is…I don’t have a clue who the others are…

    I can finally fit into my favorite jeans again, but they decided I’d look better as a muffin now…sigh…

  8. I never would have noticed but you are SO right. The theme was cartoon characters. p.s. I am mourning the loss of your fav jeans for you.

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