No seriously. I know I ooh and aah over her sunsets and clouds and skies and stuff, but DANG she hates me. Mainly in the form of living creatures with eyes and noses and mouths like bats and squirrels and llamas and shower bugs. When we bought our house, there were many things that needed […]
How to End a Plague of Bats.
November is a costly month for our family. In 2012, on the fifth day of the ill-fated eleventh month, Ali had a slight bathroom flood. That created 184 days of construction, renovations, and water damage mitigation. In 2013, on the seventeenth day of the eleventh month, a mutantly giant bat invaded my son’s room, alerting […]
The Home Invasion.
Sunday afternoon. Noah was lazily waking up from his nap, I was finishing a couple of blog posts, Ali was having quiet time, and Chris was out running. It was a calm, lovely day. Noah started moaning, so I went to retrieve him. He was crying by the time I arrived, which led to cuddling. […]
I’m not Crazy. My Mother Had Me Tested.
Spoiler: I won’t find out the results until Wednesday. Sometime after that point I’ll give y’all a full update. I got my head examined last week. It was a lovely procedure, really, shoving me into a capsule only slightly bigger than an extra-strength Tylenol and using experimentally psychosis-inducing cacophony to peek into the depths of […]
Dear Martha: You’re Right About Bloggers.
Martha Stewart, who was quite the charismatic and humorous speaker at BlogHer 2012, where she said that she was honored to share her birthday with us, had some choice words to say about bloggers this week. Really, you absolutely must watch the video to fully grasp the fantastic derision in her words. But let’s review. […]
How Not to be a Doctor.
Dear New Doctor, Hi! I’m Rachel. You should know that, but since you didn’t read my chart, I guess you don’t. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve been seeing a wonderful doctor all summer, but he wasn’t in the correct specialty to continue treating me. So, he referred me to you – for your […]
In Which I was Rejected By Disney.
It all started with the Orlando Airport. We had every intention of taking all of your fantastic Disney advice, but Orlando’s airport did us in. Okay, really it started with the Birmingham airport, but I have fonder feelings toward my own airport than those of other municipalities, so I think I’ll begin the blame at […]
Birmingham from Within.
Yesterday, I headed back downtown to get my heart monitor. I wasn’t remarkably excited about the errand, but I was distracted from that when I found everyone’s favorite word to hate, in graffiti form. A few weeks ago, I had seen “Moist” on an interstate overpass, but I wasn’t quick enough to get a picture. […]
Swimming Onset Insanity.
A week ago from tonight, I found myself losing my mind in the shallow end of a pool. Questioning my ability to be a parent, and doubting my purpose in life. What had led to this travesty? How could my life be so complicated when standing in a swimming pool? Let’s go in reverse order. […]
As I Enter The Asylum,
this will be the last story that I ever tell. It all started a couple of weeks ago. I had promised to meet two friends at The Wish Collection to do some shopping. I was excited, because I hadn’t been back since my original score (and had been hearing about the beautiful finds that many […]