18. If my kid is going to pass notes in class, they’re going to have to be to me. And I DO love getting a good note – especially if it’s creatively folded and contains at least twenty hearts.
17. I like being able to answer the question “When are your kids starting back to school?” With “I have no idea – whenever we get around to it.”
16. Because I never want to get a Lice Letter. The paper it was written on would make me itch.
15. Because I don’t believe in alarm clocks. Or brushing a seven-year-old’s hair first thing in the morning.
14. If I don’t like how my kid is progressing, the entire school changes curriculum.
13. Back-To-School shopping means new pajamas for everyone! Because school uniforms should always have stretchy waistbands.
12. A trip to the mall can count as math – “Find Mommy the best deals, students!”
11. No one is getting duct-taped naked to a flagpole around here (because that happens at every school and not just in Veronica Mars, right?)
10. It’s super easy to pick out who gets to be the Teacher’s Pet.
9. Because evenings are for eating, playing with Daddy, and going to bed promptly so the teacher can clock out – not for homework.
8. Because I never find out about a class project the night before it is due. Or have to take home the Class Tarantula for the weekend. Or feel guilty because I have absolutely no desire to be a Class Mom.
7. The Teacher/Student Ratio is an efficiency bomb: we spend approximately 75% less time doing school.
6. Because I find sleeping with the principal to be fun.
5. Because I can go to a coffee shop by myself anytime I want and call it a PTA meeting. And “Meet The Teacher” consists of me treating myself to a Mint Chocolate Chip Sorbet.
4. I never have to wonder what kind of junk my kids are buying in the Cafeteria. All their junk comes STRAIGHT FROM ME. Nor do they have to wonder about the ominous lunch lady or the equally dubious mystery meat.
3. Because packing lunches is, on a misery scale of razor burn to abscessed tooth, a solid C-Section without an epidural.
2. If the classroom feels claustrophobic, I can decide that it’s time for a Science Day and we can take a Nature Walk. Also known as a walk.
1. If I get really fed up, I can declare it PE and tell my kid to clean her room – with vigor.
Nine Reasons Why I Sometimes Wish I Didn’t Homeschool.
9. QUIET. There could be quiet. Like real, live, honest-to-goodness SILENCE.
8. I’d have a totally legitimate reason to put my kids to bed even earlier.
7. Someone else could take a turn at answering my daughter’s 500+ questions a day.
6. I could get my hair cut and colored. Without having to find a babysitter.
5. Long division.
4. Laundry could be a task that could be focused on and completed, rather than shoved into every empty second of the school day.
3. I’d get a break from the Mommy Guilt of “Am I doing it right? Am I doing enough? Am I making my kid stupid?” …. just kidding, then I’d just have Mommy Guilt of “Is this school the right choice? Am I spending enough time with my kid when they get home? Is someone else making my kid stupid?”
2. My kid could make all of those cutesy crafts and I wouldn’t have to be the one with glitter up my nose.
1. Did I mention that there could be quiet? Without even hiding in my closet.