Hey – you know what?
It’s almost Christmas.
Or at least according to Zulily.
And you do not want to miss out on your one chance all year long to have “Ho Ho Ho” embroidered on your daughter’s butt.
Also. I get that Santa is this nebulous somewhere-between-human-and-angelic-hosts kind of guy, but I still don’t want my daughter professing love for him or anyone else on her hind regions.
And then there’s this piece. There is so much about it that confuses me.
In case you can’t read that lovely font, it says “Santa’s Lil Diva Loves Couture.”
The only explanation I can come up with is that the back says “But my Mommy will only dress me in this so SEND HELP NOW.”
So I guess I won’t be doing my Christmas shopping at Zulily.
However, this would make an awesome baby shower gift.
Can you even begin to imagine the flocks of creeptastic strangers that shirt would magnetize?
This one is much more reflective of the expecting mother’s soul.
I just hope that he spontaneously starts conversation with passerby.
The Rooster’s severe neck-cramp is the least puzzling thing about this accessory.
In other news, if Honey Boo Boo were to attend Abby Lee Miller’s dance studio, she would most certainly be wearing these shorts.
My favorite Zulily find ever, the Crotch-Munching Ladybug, is back and cheekier than ever,
I’m not sure which is worse – those teeth or their insistence of bringing happiness.
The only thing I can assume is that some of these clothes are imported from Venus and they have a very different child-fashion-scene there, where protruding elephant trunks are highly regarded.
And where it’s normal to get your toddler to run on a treadmill, or hop, if they follow the footprints.
(Which includes a calorie counter. Because all toddlers should be tracking.)
I am positive that the panel of smock on this piece was an afterthought to increase the selling value of the item in question.
But on this one, the smock left no room, so it required a side-monogram. Just in case you forget who that right thigh belongs to.
If you’re looking to get the least bang for your buck on complete and utter un-resaleability of your kid’s items, then by all means – go with a personalized kitchenette.
But of course you’ll need one for each individual kid – after all, only one name fits.
And for the little men monogrammees out there, you’ve always got the option of completely illegible fake ties.
(For the record, I actually am ordering a monogrammed item this week. This cape with an N will be Noah’s.)
But in case you prefer lace over smock and monogram, I found you this.
And this, which includes $43.01 of free lace!
So go dress those babies. And dress them well.