I know that many of you Mommies out there – Mommies that are clearly better, more loving, more devoted Mommies than I – cease and desist the ingestion of all caffeine the minute you find out you’re pregnant, and with miraculous levels of self-control, don’t resume until you finish nursing.

I salute you.

I, however, am not one of those angelic beings.  I have made that clear.

However, as of late, Noah’s napping practices have been tragic.

…Which is creating a severe time shortage, which is causing sub-par blogging, which is causing great personal angst.  And for that, Noah seems completely unapologetic.

(Good thing he’s so cute.)

I tried everything I knew and a few things I didn’t to help the kid get a bit more nappage in, but nothing worked.

Finally, I had to face the truth: it could be my fault.

I don’t drink that much caffeine – especially since I cut out (most) coke drinking when we started our diet – but my morning cup of coffee and I are fairly intimate.

But naptime – it’s sacred.  It must be guarded, coddled, and maximized at all costs.

With my sanity hanging in the balance, I decided it was worth a try.  I promised myself that I wouldn’t touch a drop of caffeine ever again…or for a couple of days, whichever came first.

And so, herein lies the journal of decaffeination.

Day Zero

Last Day of Caffeination: Noah napped twenty minutes in the afternoon.  And only an hour and a half in the morning.  And, since Ali only naps in the afternoon, that made my alone time equate to all of… twenty minutes.  I get more smoke breaks at the office than that – or I would, if I worked in an office and if I smoked.

Day One copy

I woke up rather wide awake – first thought was “maybe this won’t be too hard after all.” I made it through the morning without any Nectar of Energy AND without harming any living being.  The only slight hardship came that afternoon when I realized that I couldn’t do my usual drive-by of the Ghirardelli Chocolate Covered Espresso Bean canister – a tragedy indeed.

Noah did sleep better…ish.  Not at the levels I desired, but there were blessedly no 20 minute naps.

Day Two copy

Day two was regrettably a Monday.  I did not wake up so wide awake.  In fact, waking up itself was nearly impossible, as my eyelids staged a nasty strike.

Also, a painful dose Coffee Deprivation Depression set in at about … 9 AM.

Coffee Deprivation Irritability quickly followed.

…Which was only magnified with the power of ten bolts of lightning when Noah only took a forty minute morning nap.

I’m doing this for what?!?!?!

Luckily, he saved himself from eviction by taking a 2.75 hour afternoon nap, his best in weeks.

Day Three copy

The sleeeeepies hit.  The daily afternoon storms did not help.

Nor did Noah’s ridiculously non-napping practices, continuing unmercifully despite my saint-like sacrifices.

Day Four copy

Two thirty minute naps nearly put me over the edge, almost making me guzzle an entire gallon of coffee in protest.

Also, I may have learned how to breathe fire.

(If only I could have learned how to breathe caffeinated fire…)

I did accidentally have caffeine at lunch – I ordered unsweet tea without even thinking about it.

And oh, it was good.

Day Five copy

After mediocre naps, I rebelled and had caffeine at dinner.  But apparently, my body had adapted to a non-caffeinated lifestyle – sleep eluded me that night, leaving me nothing to do but mutter nasty things under my breath.

Day Six copy

Noah and Ali went to spend the night with Gramamma, leaving me alone with my pump and no naps to maintain.

I absolutely let loose.

All of my caffeinic self-control completely vanished, and I devoured every smidge of energy-bringing item in the house.  My bliss was literally palpable.

(And, for the first time in a week, I had the mental energy to come up with words like “palpable”.)

And no, I didn’t spend a single second of that blissful caffeine high worried about the effect of the Red Bull Breastmilk I was pumping, because it wouldn’t get used until the next visit to Gramamma’s house.

(Sorry, Gramamma.)

Day Seven copy

A week had passed – the absolute maximum length of experimentation in this sensitive area.  I reviewed my napping logs and levels of angst for the week.  No patterns or improvements could be found, so I decided that caffeine, maybe in slightly more moderation, was going be granted clemency for the safety of everyone involved.

Then I immediately began forming my next napping theory.

(Without a theory, there’s no hope left in the world.)

New Theory: In order to not wake him between eating and napping, I hadn’t been burping him (I assumed, of course, that I was providing burp-free substances).

This week’s journal: The Belch Report.

I lead a fabulously glamorous life.

30 thoughts on “The Decaffeination Report.

  1. I m going through caffiene withdrawal for an entirely different reason (Dr. Meanie chiropractor requested) but am experiencing the same problems. Only differerence? Yay for me, my kids are older and if “I” need a nap, they go play quietly in their rooms. Pretty sure yours are light years from that, and for that I am sorry.

  2. Lol, sorry for the poor napping situation but as always, I love your take on it. :) I have to have a little bit of caffeine every day, coke only. But we are like 80 year old people over here. If we have caffeninated soda after about 4 in the afternoon we are up till midnight staring at the cieling. It’s highly irritating!!!

  3. The napping woes get every mom at one time or another. My girls have fought nap time forever. It’s just been since I started having Hazel sleep on the couch that I have been getting a decent alone time. Thanks for the laugh!

  4. Ah, memories. “Why won’t you sleep? Oh today you slept, therefore I shall do my best to relive this exact day forever. What, it didn’t work. Now what!?! Pray, I will pray and beg for my child to sleep.” Here’s hoping you find the magic solution or a baby hamster wheel to wear him out. Those afternoon breaks are so important!

  5. Oh, I know your pain. My son was not a good napper….I felt blessed if he slept longer than 45 min for any nap. But, he was adopted and so on formula so I could intake any amount of caffeine. I kept my pepsi drinking habits through pregnancy…1 can a day which is safely below the official “guidelines”. I quit when she was tiny as I figured I wasn’t sleeping anyways and I might not notice the withdrawal as much. It worked! I barely longed for caffeine at all and felt great. Then, after I quit nursing, I resumed my addiction…and am still at it! :)

    I actually did feel better when I wasn’t drinking it and I think the sugar is probably worse for me than the caffeine, however, I just love the “treat” of a coffee or a pop and it seems I am either all or nothing!

    Praying your sleep charting helps, that you get some rest and “me” time!

  6. The first thing I ordered as soon as my kids were pushed out (in one case hatched) was coffee and I drank two carafes full and resumed my daily morning cup/s. I don’t know if it’s just my kids but the caffeine I drank had no apparent effect on them.

    1. Glad I’m not the only one! It never seemed to bother Ali in the least, and I don’t think there’s any correlation to Noah’s napping, either.

  7. i know you’ve said before that he seems to disdain any solid food. is that still going on? my middle gave up his awesome naps once and i tried everything i could think of until a nurse friend suggested i start solids. he was 6 mths old at the time and the first day i gave him solids he resumed his wonderful nap habits and has never looked back. just a thought?! those naps are a must have!

    1. He is actually eating TOTALLY solid foods wonderfully! Goldfish, crackers, noodles, french fries, even meat!! He just couldn’t get the hang of swallowing purees, so my doctor told me to skip them. And sure enough, he’s eating like a pro now! Weird, huh?

  8. I went off of it for four+ years, while my two (14 months apart) were gestating and nursing. I felt better, mostly, but my migraines were awful. I had reflux-y babies who couldn’t tolerate any caffeine though. Or dairy. Or anything that wasn’t bland and white.

    Now my kids are five and six and I am back on the good stuff, big time!

    I have also gained a bunch of weight back being on the good stuff! Maybe I need to go back onto my “nursing” diet!

    Good luck with the napping!

  9. Ugh, non napping baby AND no caffeine? You are a saint, lol! The last few days my almost four month old has started waking up again at night and went from 2.5 hour naps to 45-60 min naps. I suspect my problems are related to teething as there are copious amounts of drool and finger chewing as well. But I won’t give up my caffeine. In fact, I drank 1-2 drinks (coffee or my beloved Dr Pepper) all through all three pregnancies. Shhhhh, I’m a bad mom too ;)

  10. When I first saw the title this morning I thought it said “The Deification Report”. Obviously I need to ingest more caffeine before glancing at the blog roll :-)

  11. I love theories! Not that they do any good, but at least they help me feel a bit more in control:) I think I went off coffee (my only daily caffeine source) for a week when I was pregnant with Sara because I felt guilty… the crave overcame the guilt rather quickly though.

  12. Oh wow! I feel your pain on the trying to find a solution or I’m going to go insane! You may have already read this, but have you tried letting him cry and settle himself a bit when he wakes up at 30 minutes? I had read that sometimes they stir in their nap but aren’t truly ready to get up.
    Hope he settles in a routine for you soon! :) I am ALL ABOUT that sacred naptime, and it’s always too short for me!

    1. I let him cry it out at night, but haven’t as much for nap. I probably should, but sometimes he cries so much that he wakes himself up way too much to go back down at all. It’s just finding that balance that’s hard…

  13. I am currently fighting a headache cause by caffeine deprivation. I’ve tried to tell myself that Rooibos tea is just as good as a European cappuccino. After reading this blog I have come to a realization…I am young, single, without children and living in Europe. I’ll drink coffee if I want! Someday I may truly be required to give it up. Maybe addictions aren’t really that bad?

  14. So sorry napping isn’t going too well, I know how invaluable that time is!
    I don’t think a little caffeine every day does much harm to a breastfed baby…I drink 1 cup of fully caffeinated coffee every morning & usually have 1 glass of tea or coke sometime later in the day, doesn’t seem to have a negative effect on Levi’s sleep patterns, but he’s a much better napper than Aubrey ever was, so it could just be him :)
    Hope Noah learns to be as good of a napper as his big sister very soon!

  15. I read your “report”, with shock and horror, as I sipped my own can’t-function-without-it morning coffee. I hate to admit it, but I quietly failed you from the start – there is NO. WAY. I could give up such a beautiful routine that seems to keep my *fragile* self…untangled.

    The (lack of) belching has plagued both of my little men from time to time and, so, I must continue to caffeinate so I have the strength to pat and rub that little back…

    Cheers (raising my mug)!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *