Nobody buys a car anymore without first getting a CARFAX.



And nobody would buy a used baby product ever, EVER again if there were BABYFAX.

BabyFax v2

Imagine going to your favorite kid’s consignment sale… only every item had it’s BABYFAX attached….

Oh! Here’s an adorable Easter Dress!  And it has BABYFAX is attached!  It looks like it’s in great condition – it can’t be too bad, right?


BabyFax v2

Three Owners –

First owner had multiple poo incidents between the years of 2008-2009, one which was so powerful it landed on the collar that would lay right next to your precious blossom’s face.

Second owner suffered through the Swine Flu Pandemic of 2009 while wearing this dress.

Third owner had a serious case of reflux, causing this dress to be puked on approximately every five minutes throughout every wearing in the year of 2010.

BABYFAX rating: –20 and highly contagious.


Umm… an adorable Easter dress for someone ELSE’S child.

Oh! Look! A great deal on a stroller!!  It looks brand new! Let’s check out it’s BABYFAX.


BabyFax v2

One Owner – but said owner’s child was a serial booger-picker, wiper, and smearer-into-strollerer.

BABYFAX rating: Contamination Level 5.  Also, do not expose to rain – will become slippery.



Ooooookay.  Maybe toys.  Oh look! A brand new teether toy!! It still has the tag on it!  It’s gotta be okay – right?


BabyFax v2

One owner: Upon purchase of teething toy,  baby’s toddler-aged sibling took said toy into the bathroom and promptly dropped it in the toilet.  Of which his just-potty-trained self hadn’t flushed.  Baby’s Mom immediately threw toy into consignment stack, figuring she could get most of her money back on it since, after all, it still had it’s tag attached.

BABYFAX rating: Beyond the measurement of disgust.


“BABYFAX: Making another paranoid Mom feel justified every second.”

p.s. – You might want to think twice before ever shaking hands  with me – because if I had a BABYFAX, you’d probably see that I’ve had infant poo underneath my fingernails and caught newborn puke with my bare hands more times than you’d ever want to know.

10 thoughts on “BabyFax.

    1. I would never write about something so strange as used babies!! Eating placenta, maybe. But used babies? Okay I probably would.

  1. Lol, you come up with the funniest stuff. And unfortunately this is probably a little close to home when shopping consignment! It’s kind of funny…I have no problem garage sale shopping but consignment stores seem totally dirty to me. I don’t know what it is. Maybe I always had a Babyfax report running through my head. :)

    1. I actually DO buy at consignment sales and really am pro-consignment sales in general, these are just the dialogs that run through my head when shopping! :)

  2. I would certainly love to hear “the rest of the story” behind some of the things that I see in consignment sales. I just always trust in the power of bleach/lysol/clorox wipes/washing things 3 times…

    That was hilarious, I’ll probably second-guess everything from now on! Thanks… :)

  3. I’d rather not know….When I bought clothes and blankets at the thrift store I washed them all in hot water first with vinegar, then with baking soda and a third time with detergent….

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