Welcome to the final stretch of your stay in GestationLand!!!
Requiring a nine-month stay, GestationLand is a theme park that may get you treated like a Princess, but guarantees that you won’t feel like one!!
By this time, you’ve already ridden on many of the thrill rides that the park has to offer, including:
- The Puking Pitfalls
- Foodophobia Fantasy Land
- Sleep Deprivation Pinball Slam
- Pee Splash Mountain
- Reflux Roller Coaster
- Brain Blank Riverbank
- Rib Kick Railroad
Now, if you can only make it through a few weeks of constantly riding on the Contraction Cyclone followed by Labor Longer Lighthouse and the Recovery Haunted Mansion where you will experience the Nightmarish Jelly Belly Syndrome, you might be able to leave our theme park in one piece!!
And, the added fun of being in this theme park is that your stay will create to the absolute most glamorous part of your life! After being here for a few months, you have …
- The Bodily functions of a 500 pound man,
- The snoring capabilities of a bear halfway through hibernation,
- The dietary fiber needs of an 88 year old lady,
- The Emotional Well-Being of a 14 year old girl,
- The flexibility of wearing a full-body-cast,
- The speed of the love-child of a sloth and a turtle, and
- The energy of a dead and eroded battery.
What’s that?
No, you can’t leave early.
No, you can’t get off this ride.
No, we don’t offer Fast Passes.
No, all arms and legs, both yours and your baby’s, must stay inside the ride at all times.
And yes, the minute you leave GestationLand, you will be escorted straight into SleeplessScreamingNewbornWorld!!! Two parks for the price of one!!!
…But don’t worry, you’ll have a long, glorious break until Six Flags over Teenage Hormones!!
You have outdone yourself. That has got to be the most original funny post I have ever read. I will have to read over and over.
Oh my goodness you crack me up! Love it. So true!
You forgot terrible two land, my sister is currently in that one. Cute post it made me laugh.
ROFL!
You are to funny!!
You are hysterical with your pregnancy commentaries…love it. Now I picked tomorrow for the little man to appear, he better not disappoint. LOL
LOL, that is too funny. I just recently found out I got on this ride again. It should be interesting. How do I subscribe to your blog by email?
You always crack me up Rachel!!!
These are many reasons why we are adopting our 3rd one! :-)
You are a genius my friend. Pregnancy has not taken away your creative juices!
This is hilarious! I definitley feel like I’ve been on these rides. I recently watched an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, and there was a video of a lady on some kind of ride — she was screaming, “Let me off! Make it stop!” I told my husband that that is how I feel about pregnancy sometimes.
I’m 4 months away from most of those lands, wow it’s amazing how quickly you forget, & how quickly something takes you back. As always thanks for the humor, sometimes you just have to laugh!!!
I agree with what Beth said: genius, my friend. I believe I’ve told you that a time or two. I’ve been to this park 4 times because it’s so much fun and during that 4th time, it was double the fun! There are no discounts for frequent visitors either.
bwahahahaha….so funny!
clever and funny!
Priceless!
That was hysterical!!! Blake just said it is like Hotel California – You can check out but you can never leave. Still laughing at this post.
Argh…I hated the Rib Kick Railroad. I swear my oldest boy had legs as long as my arm while I was carrying him!
Take heart … it will be over soon! Not much longer to go. But yes, those days at the end are so uncomfortable and hard! Thinking of you. :)
Too funny, but I know you are pretty serious about all the crazy rides you are on.
Hahaha! Super fun! (I mean your post, not Gestationland!)
too funny!!!
Geez, a person might get the idea that you are a little tired of pregnancy….
:D
Hilarious for us, probably not so much for you.
Yes! Yes! Yes! I didn’t see Puking Pitfalls, though…curious…