The state of Alabama is now officially under the trance of the upcoming football season. And the teensy-tinesy detail of Alabama being the defending National Champion AND coming into the season ranked number one nationally is making the hysteria just a wee bit more deserving-of-straight-jacket-insanity than usual.

Unfortunately, this football hysteria causes some people to do really dumb things.

(And that’s BESIDES the people that have named their babies boy babies Saban and girl babies Crimson, or have gone out and added to their collection of Alabama Football tattoos.)

Like, for instance, not spellchecking the tickets before sending them to the printing press. Apparently, whoever WAS in charge of making 101,000 tickets apparently forgot the mnemonic that we all had to learn in third grade…

M, I, crooked letter, crooked letter

I, crooked letter, crooked letter, I

humpback, humpback, I.

And so, we all received our fancy-schmancy holographic tickets … with Mississippi spelled wrong. IMG_0354 copy


National Champions in football though we may be, National Champions in spelling we apparently are not.

But wait! There’s more!! The crazed football hysteria makes other people do even dumber things…. like photoshop ones’ own body over Nick Saban’s wife’s body and claim that he endorsed your Mayoral Candidacy:
SabanB copy
Saban A copy

I’m SO proud of my state right now.

But, in an attempt to show that some people are channeling their football hysteria a wee bit more bizarrely intelligently than others, I would like to present to you…

My Husband’s Annual Football Bonnet Bee.

Last year, Chris used his pre-season football energy to create a portable satellite system for tailgating.

This year, the football bees created an entire hive of tailgaters.

You see, we tailgate in the front yard of an on-campus Church. Although we pay by the season for our spots, they’ve never reserved specific spots.

And, apparently, tailgating just isn’t the same if you don’t have your specific spot.

After all, we’ve been putting our chicken wing bones in the same crook of the same tree and watching them get eaten away by ants as the season progresses for 9 years – what would we do with our chicken wing bones if we weren’t parked by our chicken wing bone tree?

So every game day, Chris’ Dad is one of several people who arrive before the sun comes up to reserve precious spots. Chris and I used to meet him there before the sun came up, but thank-the-blessed-stars, the birth of Ali precluded us from being able to keep such insane hours.

So. Because of the crazy arrival times to reserve spots, this year, the tailgating crowd decided to take matters into their own hands.

They have requested that the church reserve specific spots for years.

However, the Church wasn’t too keen on keeping everyone out of everyone else’s spots – it’d be a lot of trouble, after all.

So, the Voluntary Committee of Reservations asked the church if they would allow reserved spots if said committee could convince the entire group of football fans that park in the lot, all 112 of them, to agree to a diagrammed reservation listing of everyone’s spots.

The church agreed.

So, Enter the Engineering Delegation.

Kristina, another lot-tailgater, good friend, and also-pregnant-tailgating-buddy, used her Engineering prowess to get the city tax maps and “planimetrics” of the lot:Tax Maps - Detail
(The irony is not lost on me that we all park on “The Nutlawn”. Quite fitting, IfIMaySaySoMyself.)

Jerrod, Kristina’s husband-and-also-Engineer, along with Dax, a co-worker of Chris’, took a trip to the lot and quite professionally surveyed it – taking measurements and marking up where every single tree, statue, sign, and shrubbery was located.

Chris then took their survey information and Kristina’s Nutlawn Planimetrics and AutoCadded out the entire lot, shrubbery and all, and the exact number and location of all available parking spaces:
Tailgate AutoCad
Jerrod negotiated the final arrangements with the church, updated the AutoCAD, and then the official copy was emailed out with an edict of “claim your spots or forever hold your peace”, and the mass hysteria began.

(If you want to come visit us on game days, drop by space #27.)

Within 3 days and batrillions of emails flying about, nearly all 112 spots were claimed, with a surprising lack of disagreement. Being #1 can bring a lot of collateral peace, love, and harmony.

If you’re wondering, 112 season tailgating passes is a grand total $31,360 of 2010 revenue for the Church that owns the lot. That’s one pricey Nutlawn.

…but something tells me that there will still be people in that lot before the sun comes up.

Football Hysteria. It affects hundreds of thousands every year. Have you been vaccinated?

Alabama Bloggers

To read more football-related posts from Alabama Bloggers or to participate yourself, go to the Alabama Bloggers Score For Your Team Football Carnival.

21 thoughts on “The State of State Hysteria.

  1. Okay, I live in Bessemer and I have not heard one thing about Saban and this woman. That is CRAZY. I have never….

    How do people think of this stuff? It takes a lot to get me to be wordless, but I think this might be the one. I can't wait to send this to Mark to read.

    The parking lot thing-crazy too. Wow, I had no idea all this went on. I am a little confused though. So you tail-gate in the church parking lot and then walk to the game? Or do you watch the game in the church parking lot? If that is the case then how come you have tickets? Just wondering how it all works.

  2. We tailgate alllll day in the parking lot, then walk to the game. It's actually not a long walk, hence the steep price for tailgating. The Church is on-campus…

  3. As Far as Spelling goes… U Of AL is on the Party School List!! LOL
    I didn't know all this went on. I just sit in my home in front of Big TV and watch in a Temp Controlled enviroment.. LOL Have Fun !!!

  4. holy nuts. all of that is a bit hysterical! was entirely confused about the tail-gating thing. essentially you are paying for a parking spot right?
    And I can't believe the photo shopping. that's just wacky! and so funny that she thought she'd totally get away with it!

  5. I really like the post, which is so true. And the trouble they have gone to to have "their" spot. Now what if John Doe gets there and parks and refuses to move. Who is in charge of monitering? I think we will just walk over when we get the chance.

  6. Okay we were LOVIN' the fake Saban endorsement story!! Please tell me you saw her and her "campaign director"?!?! It was priceless. I was totally going to blog it. I can't believe my dear Aunt MamaHen hasn't heard about it. It's too good to miss.
    P.S. A lady that works at our bank named her daughter "Crimsyn". And she never even attended UA. Not one day. I just. don't. get it.

  7. Oh! I'm so excited! I'm mentioned in your blog!!!

    I'm really proud of the guys for working out all the details for the parking. FYI…I believe there will be signs posted informing others of reserved lot, violators will be towed. Or something like that.

    I'm getting a pass this year and won't have to be out there before daylight. So grateful!!

    Roll Tide!!!

  8. I always have to wonder when something is so obviously misspelled … is there no one working quality control?!

    Anyway, great post :)

  9. I think it's hilarious that Alabama misspelled Mississippi, and I CAN NOT BELIEVE that woman actually photoshopped her picture in with Saban and said he was endorsing her candidacy, I think she may have a few screws loose :)

    I have the same question as Kitty, what happens if some one parks in your spot, who is monitoring it?

  10. Christen and Kitty – I think the idea is that it will be somewhat self-monitored. All the tailgaters have the diagram, and all of them know the ones right around them, so they'll all help out. But the Church agreed to be the ultimate authority in such matters. And, as Kristina said, there will be "Violators will be towed" signs.

    We'll see how it goes. :)

  11. Oh, and April: We are paying for a parking spot, but we're also paying for nice bathrooms, a big living room with a large tv, and even classrooms that I use for Ali's naptime. So there are, at least, some amenities that come with our plot of dirt.

  12. My best friend and her husband and family are there at dawn and setup not far from you guys. If we get to go to any of the games this year, I'll be sure to meander down y'all's way and say "Howdy!" :D

  13. Wow, that's all I can say when you post about the football hysteria. It's like a whole other world! Taligating is just not that popular up here…I mean it has it's place, but definitely, definitely! not up to this level! It sounds fun though…if it was warm enough I'd go for it. :)

  14. You know, you really do have to live here to understand. My Alabama fanhood defines me… how bloomin' weird is that? But I'm totally OK with it :)


  15. As an Alabama fan who was born in Mississippi, I choose to believe UA misspelled Mississippi on purpose, just to get under their skins. It would have been even better had it been Ole Miss!

    Another delusional UA fan:)

  16. Great post! I'm so glad that I have a sister and brother down there so we can park at their house. We have some friends that tailgate in that lot too. I love the fact that not one story in you post suprised me. I guess I'm just used to the hysteria that is Alabama football and I can't wait till Saturday! Roll Tide!

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