A Homecoming Revue

home·com·ing (hom’ kum’ ing) n.

1. A coming to or returning home.

2. An annual event at schools, colleges, and universities for visiting graduates.

3. A seasonally ridiculously cold football game that had to be scheduled ridiculously late so that taking a toddler into the game as had been planned would be completely foolhardy. However, being that there is a parade and much to entertain said toddler, it is still a worthwhile event at which to spend part of the day.

re·vue (ri-vyoo’)
n. A musical show (or blog post) consisting of skits, songs, and dances (or just pictures), often satirizing current events, trends, and personalities.

Although the cold weather was a bit off-putting to ME, Ali was thrilled for her first opportunity to try out her new girly winter coat:

In ever-so-fitting of a manner, Cousin Eli was QUITE busy making sure that he didn’t look girly in ANY way:I love the mud-mixed-with-snot look.

Ali, not so much. She was too busy daintily holding her cookie so as to not get even a crumb on her prized coat.

Although she didn’t approve of Eli’s facial fashion sense, she WAS quite impressed with his hot ride:

As soon as they started moving, she looked up at me and squealed, “Is this a special treat?!?!?!?”

We sat up camp on the parade route early this year to ensure a place to sit. However, that gave us QUITE a bit of time to entertain three kids and keep them from walking one inch forward into the road.

So I let Ali do a bit of photography. If Ali had a blog, this is what her photographs would look like:Her comment as she critiqued this picture: “I got a picture of a PART of Daddy….”

Ali’s Gymnastics Idol, Rachel, was sitting with rest of the Alabama Gymnasts across the street from us. Ali was thrilled to be in their presence. So I taught her about zoom, and let her photograph them:

She also got Uncle Joey…
And Aunt Lindsay…
And even another shot of a PART of Daddy…

But no interest in photographing Uncle JC or her cousins.

The parade was FINALLY getting close, so the excitement was building: …as was her need to pee.

But I chose to ignore that. My parenting philosophy: If she can hold poop for six days, then she can hold pee through a parade.

She took the parade very seriously, critiquing the band:

And dutifully waving at all of the Princesses with Crowns. (Although some were “Queens”, according to her. I sincerely hope not.)

Of course, you get to see the obsessed fringes of Alabama Football society on homecoming day, like the person that would pay untold amounts of money to get licensed artwork transferred onto a car:

or would take the time to create a whole amusement park truck, with fully animated rotisserating opponent mascots:

or would have specific plays airbrushed onto their motorcycles:

Because you just know that in fourth grade on career day, Tyrone Prothro said “I wanna be such a good football player that I get painted on motorcycle wheel wells!!!”

I started noticing the overwhelming fashion trend in all of the sororities:

But I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Ali said, “They’re ALL wearing boots, Mommy!!!”

JC replied, “Yes, ugly boots.”

Lindsay explained, “Actually, they’re UGG boots.”

Ali: “They’re all wearing UGGGGly boots, Mommy!!!”

(Those pieces of fashion commentary brought to you solely by JC and Ali. I can’t be blamed or associated with their opinions, although if I were, it might not be inaccurate.)

There was a very tiny taste of Dragon*Con at the parade, except with FAR inferior costumage than D*C:

These tastes were mostly brought to us by Chris’ Alma Mater Dorm, The Mallet Assembly:

Chris was tearfully proud of his heritage:

But one thing you can’t get at Dragon*Con: The Stormtrooper, QB edition:

The law school was in tails and jeans as always, but it looks like someone is going to be getting sued for tearing off their banners before the parade: Somehow I’m thinking that they didn’t win best float.

And don’t miss the guys in the back of this second royally fancy float with the cut-off jeans to accompany their tails:

Speaking of, it’s time for a bit of fashion revue. Although I usually stick to the female variety of fashion critique, today is a special edition: How to achieve the Tacky Male Fan look.

Remember me talking about toddlers in clown pants earlier this week? Well, there is one exception to adults not wearing clown pants, and that is if you are going for – you guessed it – the Tacky Male Fan look: If we ever change our mascot from Big Al to Bozo, we’ll know who to call.

Secondly. I love Houndstooth. It’s a great accent piece to any Alabama outfit. It adds class, variety, and is a nice, neutral print. Especially on girls.

(such as Ali on Friday:)

HOWEVER.

Men’s Pants were NEVER meant to be in a super-jumbo houndstooth print:But the red and white striped belt and matching tie – that’s what REALLY completes this outfit as true Tacky Male Fandom Glory.

And finally, the classic embroidered-elephants-on-the-trouser look:

Unless you are going for said Tacky Male Fandom, here’s a Rule of Thumb: On the male body, the only place that embroidery is appropriate is less than an inch in diameter on the chest area – maybe an alligator, an eagle, or even an elephant is acceptable.

A man should NOT look like his over-excited-mother-who-just-got-a-new-embroidering-sewing-machine got ahold of his nice dress pants and WENT TO TOWN.

Now I know that I said that it was all about men this time, but I did discover one eye-opening nugget of fashion information: I always wondered how thigh-high boots worked. How did you bend your knees?

I now know:

Thigh-high boots are just FAUX-boots above the knee. Kind of like those vest-shirts I had in the 80’s. Vest on the front, T-shirt on the back.

But you know what? I bet her legs were warmer than mine.

*** End of Fashion Revue ***

Finally, back at the tailgate party, Ali put to use all of the good football skills that Daddy has been teaching her to impress an Older Man:
However, no matter how much one prepares to catch the ball,

Sometimes it’s hard to keep your head in the game:

Finally, after much homecoming fun, Lindsay and I filled her back seat with cousins and headed to our warm and cozy homes, leaving the menfolk to turn into fansicles while enjoying the game.

p.s. – I just realized that my husband would be so ashamed of his wife’s lackluster fandom if I didn’t mention SOMEWHERE in this post that Alabama is now ranked number one in the country. Consider it mentioned.