The Simple Joys of Being Observant.

I get it, Hot Wheels. You want in on the hype, too. But a white car with extra large rear hubcaps does not a Princess Leia make.

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Speaking of female role models with buns (the hair kind…and also the other kind now that I think about it), watching American Idol this year made me realize that I’M NOT SO AWFUL AFTER ALL.

Ladies. Even J.Lo herself has Bra Strap Back Fat.

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Which means that our Bra Strap Back Fat makes us as hot as J.Lo. We ALL are Jenny from the Block.

Take a moment to bask in your newly heightened self-esteem.

Then go buy this fabulous dress.

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Because nothing says high neckline full length drab gray dress like having a belly button peep hole.

I saw this shared at 11:30pm on January 8 or I would have shared it at the time. Sadness. The National Day of Denim Mourning will forever happen on my daughter’s birthday.

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Speaking of Denim Mourning, I saw these for sale not long ago.

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I’m nearly positive that Ali had this exact pair of denim when she was 18 months old…except that her diaper filled out the butt infinitely better.

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But if you prefer to look like a 90’s teenager got tangled up in their mom’s kitchen valance, this is the look for you.

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Whoever said “Let’s sew THIS right THERE!” needs to be fired immediately.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Breastfeeding has become a bit of a Thing lately. I would love to blog about it but am afraid that I’d be hunted down and drowned in a vat of breastmilk by a group of bloodthirsty lactivists. I’ve seen it described as “The Best Gift I Can Give My Child,” and many other slightly superlative things.

I’m a fan of breastfeeding, when and if it’s possible – really, I am. Breastfeeding is great.

However, I do not think that my breastmilk was so prized that it should be turned into a gemstone…to be worn to remember forever the beautiful secretion of my magical bodily fluids.

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But hey. If you do value your secretions to that level, then by all means go order yourself a boob ring. Speaking of…it would be more fitting if it could be turned into a piercing piece…

Oh never mind.

Pretty sure I was behind Uncle Joe’s Tot Locker Bus the other day.

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Which, incidentally, was TOTALLY also this casino-fronting-as-a-daycare that got raided the other day. There’s no way Uncle Joe wasn’t behind that.

I asked Noah to bring me a paper towel. Apparently he believes paper towels should be the length of CVS Receipts.

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These .gifs have been mesmerizing me for weeks now. If I could find the creator I’d give them all the props in the world and then some, but enjoy…

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The subtlety of the head bobbing on the girl in the back is genius. Pure Genius.

Never have I ever had my childhood days spent at Hancock Fabrics desperately waiting on my Mom to finish shopping for patterns so beautifully brought back to mind.

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Just pause and watch them for a while. It will improve your whole day – and possibly your week.

Now that you’re relaxed…

If you haven’t seen the Vladimir Putin Wall Calendar, YOU MUST.

Guys. I need you to understand what this is.

Vlad is not being ironic.

He is not being silly.

V-Dog Seriously thinks his people desperately want to see him working out and also….shirtless.

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And…he was right. These calendars were a sell-out.

But do not dismay!

There are a few available on e-Bay. They’re coming from the Russian Federation and unfortunately V.Put spent all his money on modeling instead of a trusty postal service, but you might get your copy in time for 2017. It won’t take you too long to mark out all the dates for the new year. And it will be totally worth it for inspiring shots like this.

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Sorry I made you sweat, ladies.

Finally, Not-Crazy-Renee spotted this sign and photographed it for me.

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Wherever this magical place is that anonymous parents are responsible for my children at all times – I WANT TO GO THERE.

Leave your comment below!

Comments

  1. As the kids would say, I CANNOT EVEN with those pants.

  2. This post is jam-packed with awesome, but the standout is a ring comprised of two things that gross me out above pretty much all else– disembodied hair and bodily fluids. Seriously, who thought of that? How many people buy them? Is there a competitive market for crystallized effluvia? I am about to go to bed and my mind is racing with questions about these little bands of horror. I may not sleep for days. At least I have dancing Butterick’s models to ease the pain.

  3. those pattern gifs! i had the same growing up experience as you. waiting seeming hours and HOURS for my mom. great stuff.

  4. I think my favorite Putin shot is the one of him snuggling with a puppy.

  5. I love those pattern gifs! I also remember sitting around the fabric store being bored and looking at all the patterns and through the catalogues.

  6. Heather Neufeld says:

    breastmilk rings?? breastmilk “gems”??? what on God’s green earth will people come up with next??? never mind. I don’t even want to know. I even find a locket with a wisp of hair a bit creepy (though i do get the sentiment), so a breasmilk ring with hair encased over top of it is just… gah. weird.
    “oh wow, thats an interesting stone… what is it?”
    Oh its not a stone, just a hunk of my dehydrated and pressure pressed boob juice with a prematurely cut lock of my darling little ones hair encased in some epoxy for all to see and appreciate”
    “oh”

    i suppose those of us adoptive mommies who couldn’t breastfeed should make on out of our favourite formulas!??

  7. Those pattern .gifs are magical. Thanks for sharing!

  8. The patterns are my favorite. My mom would bribe me by letting me pick out a pattern too.
    And Im breastfeeding my 3rd… No jewlery here – that’s just weird.

  9. That ring. No. NO.

  10. Sometimes I look at things and wonder what anthropologists will make of them in a couple hundred years…like that ring! Actually pretty much everything in this post, now that I think about it.

  11. How did you get to be soooooo funny! I was almost crying I was laughing so hard! Love this sight – dancing sewing pattern ladies and metallic lurex pants for your man! Wonderful stuff.

  12. Ok, I am catching up on my reading tonight and this post HAD me!! I loved the .gif ladies! So many memories…

    Side question, since you brought up AI. What do you think of this last season’s contestants?

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