Disclaimer: Not for the faint of heart. Or men. In fact, I don’t recommend reading this post at all. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I have finally completed the weaning process. This was harder than I expected – not for Noah, but for me. The reality that he is most likely my last child […]
Price As Marked.
Friday night… “You should get the Grouper. You love Grouper, and it’s the catch of the day!!” I scowled at him. “Are you kidding? It says ‘Market Price’!! I totally don’t know how much that is!” “Oh come on. You can ask if you’re that hung up about it. I’m sure it’s about the same […]
So We Meet At Last.
Why hello there, Thirty. What’s that? Is that loathing I hear?? You already detest me? But we just met! Ooooh…you’ve heard about all of the nasty things I’ve been saying about you. If you thought that was bad, you should have heard all the nasty things I’ve been thinking about you. But nevertheless, I apologize. […]
On Being All Set.
The following inner dialogue occurred Friday morning, directly after my second trip in three days to the Pediatrician’s office. I drove around to the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru window for like the ninety-dozenth time in the past three weeks…she gave me my order and then perkily chirped, “Here’s your large coke and your small lemonade! You’re all […]
The Police: Not Just for Bad Tickets.
As I was laying in bed pondering life a couple of weeks ago, I rolled over to Chris and shared a troubling thought. “I don’t think that Ali has the right idea about police. Did you see that wide-eyed look of fear in her eyes when those policemen walked into Chick-Fil-A tonight? I’ve done a […]
Because Confession is Good for the Soul…
My Mother felt so cleansed of guilt and shame after my post on Friday that she brought me more evidence of my childhood mistreatments that very night. (That and she’s been cleaning out her basement, but that’s beside the point.) As it turns out, The Atrocity wasn’t a one-time offense, nor perhaps even as bad […]
The Atrocity – A True Story.
She was young when she committed the crime, a crime that would scar me deeply and shape who I am today. She was so young that I’m sure she didn’t realize the full breadth and consequences of her actions – no one had taught her any better, after all. Guilt subconsciously crept in and flooded […]
Mommy Is Not Your Servant.
“Hey Mommy – Can I have some more apple juice? My cup is empty.” “Sure, honey! Just a minute and I’ll fix it for you.” “Okay! I’m going to go play in the Living Room. You can bring it to me in there.” SCREEEEEEEEECH “OOOOH no you didn’t, girlfriend. Before you were born, I endured […]
Yard Bunny
We have, despite our suburb-dwelling ways, what Ali calls “A Friendly Outdoor Pet” named Yard Bunny. YB can be seen in our backyard, side yard, and occasionally even front yard nearly every single day. We have a beautiful symbiotic relationship with her – we love watching her, she loves eating our weeds-that-are-pretending-to-be-grass, and she acts […]
The Decaffeination Report.
I know that many of you Mommies out there – Mommies that are clearly better, more loving, more devoted Mommies than I – cease and desist the ingestion of all caffeine the minute you find out you’re pregnant, and with miraculous levels of self-control, don’t resume until you finish nursing. I salute you. I, however, […]