A Public Smock Announcement.

(With many thanks to DirecTV, for their magnificent and inspirational commercials, and my Mother, who allowed me to borrow a few choice articles of clothing.)

If you dress your son in smock for Easter,

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He may feel dejected, embarrassed, and angry.

Smock On Boys

If he feels dejected, embarrassed and angry, he will get in a fight on the playground at Church on Easter Sunday.

If he gets in a fight on the playground at Church on Easter Sunday, he will get labeled as The Bad Kid.

If he gets labeled as The Bad Kid, he will feel the need to live up to his reputation.

If he feels the need to live up to his reputation, he will spend many years becoming adept at the craft of fighting.

If he becomes adept at the craft of fighting, a girl with a stud in her tongue and an eyelid tattoo will convince him to try out for professional wrestling.

If a studded-tongued eyelid-tattooed girl convinces him to try out for professional wrestling, he will begin to answer to the name Uncle Meathead, The Alchemist Of Bloody Disco Death.

If he begins to answer to the name Uncle Meathead, The Alchemist of Bloody Disco Death, he will garner the attention of Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen.

If he garners the attention of Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen, he will tie the knot with Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen.

If he ties the knot with Madame Nicolette the Vixen, the 2026 Miss Texas Jell-O Wrestling Queen,  you will end up with a grandson with a dog collar.

Grandson With a Dog Collar

Don’t end up with a Grandson with a Dog Collar.

Male Smock

 

Instead, perhaps try full-leather Lederhosen.

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Then again, the results could be just as poor.

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This public service message is brought to you by The Council on the Eradication of Male Smock.  And full-leather Lederhosen.