Hi! Noah here.
So. Since I last blogged, everyone has been all over my case about eating healthy. You know, organic and well-balanced and stuff.
Personally, I find this fairly offensive.
I mean, if you can’t live without food guilt when you can count your age on one finger, when can you enjoy your life?
And anyway, it’s not like I’m not trying. I make significant efforts to help increase the fiber in my diet on a daily basis.
(Toys are a form of fiber, right?)
But alas. The onslaught goes on. One thing I’ve been seeing come up a lot when I peek at The Servant Who Calls Herself Mommy’s Facebook feed is the horrors of breakfast cereal.
So what if breakfast cereals have more sugar than a Twinkie – even the supposedly barfably bland ones like Special K??
All I can think about when I hear the word cereal is … TAS–TY.
But alas – the pressure got to me, so I traded in my favorite beverage to enjoy with cereal…
For a more healthy alternative.
Yes. Coke Zero and Corn Pops – it goes together like Peas and Carrots – only healthier!!
And anyway, I LOVE THIS STUFF!!!
What? It’s good for you. Duh.
What’s that you said?? It’s going to rot my five teeth and poison my tiny liver???
I guess I need to resort to more drastic health measures. I’ll demand a better alternative from The Servants and see what I get.
Whoa. You want me to eat …. what??
Okay. Okay. It’s for my longevity and the opportunity to have nice looking man calves one day. I can do this.
Maybe they won’t notice if I spit it out, set it back down, and spread it out…
OKAY already. I’ll try it one more time…
No. The puky feeling is still there.
Come on back out, little broccoli…
What?? I have to try it … again???
Fine. I’m divorcing you servants as soon as I can legally do so anyway.
Watch me as I eat this bite with every bit of sarcasm and revulsion possible pouring out of my eyes…
I just want you to know that you people are cruel.
Waitta minute… that bite wasn’t half bad!!
Let’s try another just to make sure you’re not playing some sort of cruel joke on me…
What the…. ??? That one was good too!! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!?!?!
OR ELSE !!!
What?? A kid’s allowed to change his mind, isn’t he?
And anyway, broccoli shrapnel gives me a nice, manly beard. Clearly, it’s a win-win.