The following is a true story. Unless there are any segments which you find to be terrible acts of parenting. In that case, those parts aren’t true.
3:29 PM: Mommy settles into laundry closet, with Baby in tow, to attempt to fold one load of laundry.
3:30: Baby picks up and eats a piece of lint, requiring Mommy to drop the clothes, root around in his mouth, and pull out remains of said lint.
3:31: Being as how the laundry closet is also the family janitorial closet, Baby finds a hard, dry sponge. Sticks corner of sponge into mouth. Responds to “no”, pulling sponge away from mouth. Then resumes resticking corner of sponge in mouth. Mommy takes it away from him, blocking from her mind what might have been dried onto that sponge at one time.
3:32: Baby picks up and eats paper that was washed and is now a different, more tasty variety of lint, requiring Mommy to drop the clothes, root around in his mouth, and pull out now even more shredded paper particles.
3:33: Baby launches attack on the Swiffer Mop. Attempts to place any and all parts of it into his mouth. Forcing Mommy to cover the base of said Swiffer Mop with towels, hopefully acting as a germ barrier.
3:34: Baby attempts to dig Swiffer out from amidst the towels. Gets leg hung awkwardly on said towels. Begins to cry for deliverance. Mommy considers leaving him – at least he’s stuck.
3:35: Baby finds the fix-your-own-toilet innards that Daddy stuffed in the closet after attempting and postponing a fixture attempt. Tastes said parts, starting with the directions, then on to the pump. Mommy takes away and attempts to hide toilet filth.
3:36: Baby finds a plastic hanger. Aaaaaahhhh – a moment’s peace.
3:37: Poke. Waaaaaah. Mommy takes hanger away from Baby.
3:38: Mommy finally stuffs Baby in an empty laundry basket.
3:38: Baby reaches over side and into another laundry basket and messes up the very few folded garments that Mommy has managed to have victory over.
3:39: Mommy gives baby a toy. Baby looks at toy, throws down. Not interesting.
3:40: Mommy decides that unfolded laundry is good enough for her. Moves Baby into other room and sits down with him to play.
3:41: Baby sits oddly still and perfectly content, not interested in playing or doing anything except taking a quiet break.
3:42: Mommy spontaneously develops a twitch.