The following is a true story. Unless there are any segments which you find to be terrible acts of parenting. In that case, those parts aren’t true.

3:29 PM: Mommy settles into laundry closet, with Baby in tow, to attempt to fold one load of laundry.

3:30: Baby picks up and eats a piece of lint, requiring Mommy to drop the clothes, root around in his mouth, and pull out remains of said lint.

3:31: Being as how the laundry closet is also the family janitorial closet, Baby finds a hard, dry sponge. Sticks corner of sponge into mouth. Responds to “no”, pulling sponge away from mouth. Then resumes resticking corner of sponge in mouth. Mommy takes it away from him, blocking from her mind what might have been dried onto that sponge at one time.

3:32: Baby picks up and eats paper that was washed and is now a different, more tasty variety of lint, requiring Mommy to drop the clothes, root around in his mouth, and pull out now even more shredded paper particles.

3:33: Baby launches attack on the Swiffer Mop. Attempts to place any and all parts of it into his mouth. Forcing Mommy to cover the base of said Swiffer Mop with towels, hopefully acting as a germ barrier.

3:34: Baby attempts to dig Swiffer out from amidst the towels. Gets leg hung awkwardly on said towels. Begins to cry for deliverance. Mommy considers leaving him – at least he’s stuck.

3:35: Baby finds the fix-your-own-toilet innards that Daddy stuffed in the closet after attempting and postponing a fixture attempt. Tastes said parts, starting with the directions, then on to the pump. Mommy takes away and attempts to hide toilet filth.

3:36: Baby finds a plastic hanger. Aaaaaahhhh – a moment’s peace.

3:37: Poke. Waaaaaah. Mommy takes hanger away from Baby.

3:38: Mommy finally stuffs Baby in an empty laundry basket.

3:38: Baby reaches over side and into another laundry basket and messes up the very few folded garments that Mommy has managed to have victory over.

3:39: Mommy gives baby a toy. Baby looks at toy, throws down. Not interesting.

3:40: Mommy decides that unfolded laundry is good enough for her. Moves Baby into other room and sits down with him to play.

3:41: Baby sits oddly still and perfectly content, not interested in playing or doing anything except taking a quiet break.

3:42: Mommy spontaneously develops a twitch.

19 thoughts on “It’s Like Doing Laundry With A Baby…

  1. hahaha. I believe every word. Especially the last part about suddenly wanting to sit still. because NOW he finally has your undivided attention. Much like the “mommy, mommy, MOOOOMMMY, mommy, mommy, hey mommy..” “WHAT????” “I love you.” true story.

    1. So true!! They only want attention when they don’t have it. Every time I try to do something purposeful, they want none of it. Oh well…

  2. Hahahaha! So true! I’m so thankful that my girls are old enough now to really help with the laundry. Although now when I ask them to help me they pitch a fit. Haha!

  3. It’s like you were watching me this morning. But while he was playing with the broom, started to cry because he smacked himself with the handle. The other fun thing to do is to try and load/unload the dishwasher without a baby trying to crawl into it!

  4. Baaaahahahaha! Laundry IS the hardest thing to do with a baby… I’ve considered sticking him in the dryer with the door open before! At least for now he just holds on to the edge of the basket while I (VERY quickly) trade the loads around – he likes to pull all the dirty clothes out, which may have its own dangers I suppose… oh well :)

  5. :) You’ve got such a knack for making ordinary things funny.

    Also, do you guys have “jolly jumpers” in the US? They’re little harness things on springs that screw into the ceiling. You put the baby in and they bounce up and down (and hopefully can’t reach anything they shouldn’t eat!).

    1. Yup – they’re called Johnny Jump-Ups here. We have one, I just hate clamping and un-clamping it to the doorframe, so I never use it. It WOULD be useful for laundry day, though.

  6. Sounds oh so familiar. My girl put any and everything into her mouth. Sometimes it is a feat of olympic strength to accomplish the simplest chores.

    1. Seriously!! Ali never put anything in her mouth. I can’t keep anything out of Noah’s mouth!! It’s quite an adjustment. Also? He loves outlets. Why are electrical outlets SO interesting??

  7. That is so funny. And to think I was so happy when he started crawling around everywhere. You know you are supposed to have is near as much fun as something you should not have, right?

  8. This is absolutely hilarious and so absolutely true!!!
    Luckily for me, Keith has taught Landen how to throw socks into the sock drawer, undies into the undies drawer, and so forth… making doing laundry with a baby in our house slightly less of an ordeal. Now, if only we could do something about the toilet/litterbox/bathtub nightmares. :D

    By the way, the 3:34 contemplation was so funny! I’m glad I’m not the only one who considers that on occasion (daily).

  9. Hahaha! We had a jolly jumper that we clamped semi permanently to our exposed rafters in the basement near our laundry so that helped. But mostly we just gave Elizabeth stuff to “help fold”. By the time she was walking I had her putting socks in the drawer, one pair at a time. If I was lucky I could fold one or two shirts by the time she got back. But we may have mostly given up on the concept of folding until more recently.

    Oh, and sticking baby in laundry basket works great, but it’s even more effective if you turn it upside down and tell baby to pretend they are a bunny in a cage….. What?

  10. This is why we have mounds of clean laundry in our bedroom on a weekly bases. I did finally tackle half of it last night (after kids went to bed) and the rest during nap time today. Levi isn’t the one who keeps me from the folding, it’s my 2 older “helpers”; they love to help fold (AKA wad up) the clothes and then trample all over them.

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