Wanted: Baby mattress with faux-flesh sheets, warms to a constant 98.6 degrees, has a built-in noisemaker that simulates a heartbeat and the occasional tummy gurgle (and maybe a snore or two), and has two built-in, conically shaped pillows that produce life sustaining milk when requested by the occupant.
…Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only thing that’s gonna make this kid sleep in his own bed.
Good thing he’s so unbelievably cute.
If that item isn’t available, I’m also interested in purchasing an As Seen In Hospitals call-a-nurse-who-will-come-take-your-baby-to-a-magically-faraway-nursery-so-you-can-rest button.
This blog post was composed at 2:58am, on Night One at home, with one hand, on an iPhone, before any sleep occurred for anyone but Ali. Luckily, the night (marginally) improved after that point. Although he may have won a battle or two, I won the war.