So. Today is my last day of being 28 years old.

Typically, I’m such a big fan of birthdays (particularly my own) and the personalized attention that comes with them, that I don’t mind at all the thought of becoming a year older.

But there’s just something distasteful about the thought of 29.

After all, 29 is the age that every woman OVER the age of 29 that is desperately trying to hold onto her youth claims to be.

When I hear the age 29, I immediately picture a 45 year old woman in tight leopard print pants and a hot pink shirt with too much makeup on and hair dyed and curled in the exact same style of her 1980’s Prom…

Come to think of it, I think I took a picture of 29 in my Tailgating post

Yes, she’s exactly my mental image of 29.

I know – everyone says that 30 is the difficult-to-swallow birthday. But at least when I’m 30, no one will doubt me. Because who goes around claiming to be 30 when they’re not??

But, for the duration of this year, every time I tell someone how old I am, they’ll look at me with doubt and suspicion, wondering if that’s how old I really am, or if I’m really just a very self-conscious 45 year old who still pulls out her prom dress to wear to football games.

Or maybe they won’t.

But whether they actually think that or not, I’ll be nervous on the inside, WONDERING if they’re thinking that, much like when someone casually asks, “Where in the world did Ali get those blue eyes and her curly hair?”, and I start nervously stumbling around with what color eyes her Grandparents have and trying desperately to subtly prove that she is indeed both mine and Chris’ child without looking like I’m nervous because then they’ll TOTALLY think I’m lying, and all the time wishing I carried a DNA test around with me.

So while I’m getting that portable DNA test, I’ll go ahead and stick my birth certificate in my Packet of Proof – so when someone asks me how old I am, I can spout out with a wild-eyed, slightly-insane look in my eye,

“I’m 29. And I’m REALLY 29, not just saying I’m 29. See? See here? Here’s my birth certificate. You can clearly see that I was born on October 9th, 1981, making me definitively 29. And while I’m at it, here’s my child’s DNA test proving that she is indeed a very odd mixture of mine and my husband’s genes. Anything else you’re thinking I’m lying about? Because if so, I can totally add it to my Packet of Proof!”

…and then they will slowly back away from me, a little scared…

So here’s to 29 years of overanalytical paranoid conclusion jumping.

19 thoughts on “29. And Prepared to Prove it.

  1. First off Happy Birthday! As someone who is about to turn 35 I have to say that 29 wasn't all that devastating for me, and since you are similar to me with any luck people will think you are actually younger than 29, nobody believes I am over 30.

    I also have to comment on Ali's eye's and hair, since I am the only curly haired blue eyed person among my immediate family. Haven't people heard of recessive genes or those not dominate. They can skip a generation,like blue eyes, curly hair, and left-handedness.

  2. First, you do not look 29. I do not know if that is a compliment to you or not but you look more like 23. Second, who can look at Ali and not tell she has both of you in her? Look at her eyes (Chris), nose (you), mouth (you), round face (you), fingernails (unfortunatly Chris), toes (not sure),faces she makes (you). I guess all that straight hair ya'll have made hers curly. And most importantly I hope you have the greatest 29th birthday anyone ever had in Atlanta. Eat some Greek for me.

  3. The best thing about that photo is that she looks like she's wearing the Nutrition Facts label.

    Signed, Thirty-six

  4. Wow… You think WAY too much about these things. When people ask you where Ali gets her eyes and hair, you should totally shrug and say "I don't know. Maybe the mailman?". :)

  5. I'm totally not looking forward to 29 either. It seems so weird. I don't feel any different than when I turned 22…other than the whole mother of two thing. Haha:) 29 seems old to me because I remember my mom turning 29. I was 11. My mom had a 6th grader at our age! Crazy.

    I hope you have a wonderful birthday despite the turning 29 part…and if necessary just practice the expression that the lady is doing in the picture. The "don't mock me, I AM too 29!" look. Haha:)

    P.S. Thanks for the striking tip!

  6. Happy birthday, Rachel!
    Age is just a number, don't sweat it! Another birthday is better than the alternative I always say. :D

  7. I used to think the same thing when I was 29 – I just knew people thought I was lying. 29… that just seems so LONNNNNGGGGG ago…

  8. I think the 29th birthday is way worse than 30. And don't even ask me about 40. Really bad! LOL! I'm teasing. It's all good. Happy birthday. You have fun, ya hear? You can still hear, right? Best wishes for a lovely day. It only gets better, I promise.

  9. My sweet little boy has red hair.
    Neither my husband nor I have anything close to it. I get that look ALL the time when I try to explain that my husband's grandfather had fiery red hair in his youth. Like "sure…uh huh…likely story…"

    so i totally get this.

  10. I've gotten used to the whole "where did that come from" comments. Imagine if you had a so blonde it's almost white haired, blue eyed, very light skinned boy.


  11. It's not so bad…it's kind of like when you hit 25 you were shocked that you didn't shrivel up and start using a walker…and then, in few years, you'll realize that perhaps people over 30 are the only people you should trust…then when Ali is older you'll look back at your youth and be thankful you aren't that age anymore (except for the being able to play and walk around wearing whatever without feeling self conscious….crap, now I want to be a teenager again)….

  12. Happy birthday!

    I know what you mean about having a child that doesn't look like you. I have dark hair hair and green eyes. My daughter has blond hair and blue eyes. At least she looks like her Daddy.

  13. Im with you 29 for me was harder than turning 30.I dont know why maybe because 29 evokes the end of something whereas 30 seemed to be the beginning.Mind you its all water under the bridge as i turn 44 in a couple of days:)
    Stop thinking and just enjoy!HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

  14. Ooh, I feel your pain! I'm about to turn 34… heading out of my early 30s, cannot even vaguely pretend to be young anymore :(

    However, I have mostly come to terms with this 'not being young' thing… I just wish I could be a slim as I was in my 20's so I don't *look* so matronly!

    BTW – you're gorgeous so don't worry looking a bit 'mutton dressed as lamb' (Do you have that saying in the US?)

  15. Ha ha! Happy Birthday a few days late. I LOVED turning 30 – turning 35, well that hit me big time this year. You look great – nobody will think you are pretending to be 29! :)

  16. Happy Birthday!! 29- it is the awkward year- agreed. However, once I hit 30, I wore that one proud! It was about time my number matched the place I feel I am in my life. I was happy to let the days of 20-something go- those 20 year olds make me tired and make me shake my head at "today's youth" haha!

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