Pleading Insanity Due To Internal Parasite.

Pregnancy is a voluntary state of insanity.

It makes you do things, think things, and eat things that you would have never DREAMED of doing, thinking, or eating before nor (ohISoHope) after.

Ali and I went to lunch with Ashley, AJ, and Tessa last week. After lunch, we walked down the street to a local bakery. We got each of the girls a cookie, then sat at a table to let them eat their treat.

I’m not usually a cookie kinda girl. Especially the type they were having – completely iced sugar cookies, airbrushed and shaped into butterflies. WAY too sweet. Definitely not my thing.

But they just looked So. Darn. Good.

Luckily for me, I have a generous kid.

“Can I have a bite?”

“Sure!”

Mmmm…they taste even better than they look.

AT THIS POINT, a sane person would have simply walked up to the counter and bought a $1.50 cookie of their own. I mean, how hard is that?

But for some reason, I didn’t. A decision I shall rue for quite some time.

I just sat there and lusted after their cookies.

Ashley’s parents were walking by, and so they stopped in and were visiting with us.

I couldn’t very well ask Ali for ANOTHER bite and look like a total PreggoPig. It would just be uncouth.

While all of us were talking and I was thoroughly distracted, Noah took the opportunity to, yet again, completely hijack my mind AND body.

I noticed a big crumb on the table – must’ve fallen off my cookie bite. And without hesitation or thinking about it, I reached down, picked it up, and popped that crumb into my mouth.

From the table.

And, as I ate said crumb, I all of a sudden realized: That was not a crumb off of Ali’s cookie. That was a crumb off of a Petit Four.

We didn’t have any Petit Fours.

Which meant it belonged to the previous user of the table. Or maybe the one before that.

OHMYGOODNESSWHATHAVEIDONE?!?!?!

Then, my mind went into manic overdrive…

Seriously?? Did I just pick up a large crumb off the TABLE of a PUBLIC ESTABLISHMENT and eat it???

Did Ashley see it?

Did her parents see it?!?!?!?

Did that crumb come off of the person’s Petit Four before or after it touched their mouth??

Did I just swallow a horrible disease?? At least we’re in a snobby part of town. “Ladies Who Do Lunch in Fancy Dresses” eat here. Surely they’re not disease-ridden.

But then again, what if the Ladies Who Do Lunch in Fancy Dresses are the Desperate Housewifey type…ew!!

Maybe if I drink a lot of my coke really quickly, it will wash the germs straight through me.

Nope. I still feel gross.

I really want a cookie. Those cookies were much better than that Petit Four crumb.

Funny…I usually like Petit Fours.

It was probably stale.

WHAT AM I THINKING?!?!?!?

I really want a cookie.

******

But no, I still did not go buy a cookie. Mainly to punish Noah for his ridiculously disgusting behavior.

….I just REALLY hope that he doesn’t develop a taste for Placenta.