Obviously, I’m a scientific thinker.

And being such, nothing confounds me more than things that SHOULD be scientific actually being ridiculously confusing and conflicting.

…which means that all methods of pregnancy calculations drive me mad.

First of all, the whole count-from-two-weeks-BEFORE-you-conceive thing. It’s an amazing feat of nature that on the day you conceive, you’re already magically two weeks pregnant.

(If husbands pondered THAT deep thought more often, they might live a bit more scared for their lives cautiously.)

…but you won’t find us women complaining too much about that one because it really just means that there are two less weeks that we ACTUALLY have to be pregnant.

Second ridiculousity. 9 months? 40 weeks does not compute into 9 months, whether or not you add in those two magic weeks. Using a 30-day-a-month average, 40 weeks is actually 9.33 months – a number no pregnant woman EVER wants to see.

And my biggest peeve, the calculation of how many months pregnant one is at any given point. No one can quite agree on HOW you calculate this mysterious number. It would seem to me that if I’m due on December 27th, then four months before that, which would have been August 27th, I was five months pregnant, making me about 5.25 months pregnant now.

But there are many pregnancy resources, including my nifty-little-iPregnancy app, that assume (very illogically) that a “month” is four straight weeks, so therefore, at 24 weeks, I am actually SIX months pregnant:

And really, even though the logic is ridiculous to my analytical self, I’d LOVE to consider myself six months pregnant – because then at least when people look at my belly,
then look at me,
then look at my belly,
then look at me,
then look at my belly,
then ask how far along I am,
getting to jubilantly answer “six months and three days!” seems to justify my gargantuanly monstrous size a LOT better than mumbling ashamedly under my breath, “a little over 5 months.”

BUT. If I’m six months now (and I can’t help but do the rest of the math because I’m an accountant), then that means that I’ll be pregnant for TEN GRUELING MONTHS.

So there’s just no winning.

…But I think I’ll say I’m six months anyway. Just because it sounds less fat.

17 thoughts on “Am I Five or Am I Six?

  1. it always confused me too! My typical response to the question how far along are you? was, "NOT FAR ENOUGH…SHES STILL IN THERE!"

  2. I agree the calculation are very illogical! However, my CFO informed me when I announced my pregnancy that it was in fact 10 months and to not be confused about the whole 9 month thing. And I went two weeks + 2 days over my due date! I was hoping for a new years baby, but my doctor wouldn't allow me to wait any longer.

  3. I know your a very analytical & OCD person, so am I. But still, I don't necessarily want to admit the fact that I indeed counted up the numbers in your pie graph, and yes, I did it twice just to make sure.

    It equals 103. :) Maybe you did that on purpose though, just to go along with the theme of the blog post. :o)

    Okay, I'm officially a loser.

  4. LOL!!!

    Elizabeth, I hereby award you with the OCD Trophy of the Month.

    Actually, I used Excel to make my nifty pie chart, assigned everything a number (not a percentage), then told Excel to assign the percentages. So either Excel has major rounding issues or Excel isn't nearly as OCD as you and I.

    …And I'm not nearly OCD as you, seeing as how I didn't go behind Excel and check its math.

  5. The way it works out in my mind (for counting months) is that every third month has 5 weeks.
    So, at 13 weeks, I'm 3 months.
    At 26 weeks, I'm 6 months.
    At 39 weeks, we hope the baby is here…and I'm 9 months!

    I'm anti-OCD enough to let that one week slide and round it all to a nice even 9 months..whether or not you count those two magical weeks from the beginning.

  6. Okay – here's my math.

    40 x 7 = 280 days of pregnancy (counting the first two non-pregnant weeks)

    280/9 = 31.1 days in a "month". Not completely accurate, but close enough.

    The way I figure it, if you calculate 9 calendar months from the date of conception and subtract approximately a week, then you get your due date. Think about it. If you conceived on April 4 (I only remember this b/c you mentioned something about baby-making on Easter Sunday and it was my b'day. :)), exactly 9 months from then is January 4. Subtract a week (8 days really) and you get your due date.

    I've given this a lot of thought myself…… :)

  7. I am always confused by the two week thing too. Some guy must have made that up. I mean, why? It doesn't even make sense?

    They should just count it from the real beginning and then you don't feel like you've been preganant for 10 months, which is definitely what 40 weeks at 4 weeks a month works out to. I think they just thought it would be funny to mess with some poor pregnant woman's brain and it stuck. :)

  8. You are too funny, but I like your thinking. I actually thought with each pregnancy that it was 10 mths., but who wants to say or think that????

  9. The whole 40 weeks and 9 months thing has always bothered me to…by the time you are actually 9 months pregnant you still have a few weeks to go, such a bummer!

  10. I have been having the same argument with myself in my head. There needs to be a complete re-vamping of the pregnancy calculation system – for sure. I vote that you re-write it and I'll back you up 100%. I am certainly not as OCD, but I go for whatever justifies my hugeness. Ugh, so glad you brought the inconsistencies out in the open!

  11. wait…so you spend only 8% of your time peeing? I spend at least 23% of my time peeing and a minimum of 8% thinking about it…maybet hat's because I don't have to worry about the puking part and all…

  12. Of my gosh…this post is so me right now. They have decided to take this baby at 38 weeks, so I want to add two weeks to my current status. Then, it will be okay if I look a little bigger :)

  13. Month 7 is the most confusing. No one agrees… .does it start at 27, 27.5, or 28 weeks…and who wants to be 7 months pregnant for 5 weeks? Month one is confusing too… is month 1 6 weeks or 4 weeks???? The madness!

    I totally agree about the ridiculousness of already being 2 weeks pregnant at the time of conception. I think they do that to give women false hope that 40 weeks will go by faster than anticipated and you may falsely believe that maybe you won't get THAT fat since you're already 1 month down.

    And for the record I am so with Leslie. I plan on mentally willing this baby out of my body 10-14 days early so even though I'm only 36 weeks I can tell people that I only have 2-3 more weeks to go and that's why I look ginormous. Do I sometimes feel guilty for lying… no! Ok yes, but it still makes me feel a little bit better about myself.

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