So Chris and I were lying in bed last night, doing what couples do when they’re lying in bed at night (checking Facebook on our iPhones), and enjoying reading the sudden outburst of boy mischief being reported on Facebook.

The first Facebook Status we read was this one from our friend Rachel G:

“seriously??!!?? so now each of the older boys has chosen (to their detriment) to use my WHITE SHOWER CURTAIN to wipe the.. POOP off their bottom. seriously??!! And yes, there was a FULL roll of TP available.

i’ve got a great idea: when my boys get married. I will go to their house, take a poo and wipe MY bottom on THEIR shower curtain. Yes. sounds like a GREAT idea.”

And then we read this one from our friend Greg:

“The demo crew strikes again…Nathaniel & Zechariah decided to de-pop another section of popcorn ceiling…..uuuuhhhhgggg…..

Their bedroom is on the 2nd floor with some sloped ceilings…and they climbed up on the dresser!”

Of course, being the parents of a VERY docile and proper girl whose greatest moments of mischief hardly even deserve the title, we were laughing heartily (WITH them, of course) at the unbelievablility of these statuses.

And then we remembered.

Our faces paled. We shook with fear.

There’s a BOY in that belly of mine.

So we started to reason….both of those instances were the work of TWO mischievous boys working together…maybe having just ONE boy would keep us safe!!!

Chris said, “Yeah! Think about Luke! He doesn’t have a brother and he never does mischievous stuff like that!”

“Um, baby, Luke had to HAVE SURGERY last week because he stuck a bean so far up his nose!!”

“Oh yeah…”

Silence ensued as we faced the fear of our future.

“Well…maybe we’ll have a geeky boy that likes to play with Legos and Tinker Toys and doesn’t get into mischief.”

“I doubt it.”

“Well….maybe if we read enough of these, we’ll at least be prepared for a boy…it’s all about knowing what to expect, right?”

“I doubt it.”

It’s time we faced the facts. We’ve had it WAY too easy for WAY too long. Our life will not be THIS calm for much longer:


So let us have it. Tell us your scariest boy-mischief story. Help us prepare for our future. We’ll read them as soon as we’re finished installing the plastic shower curtains.

39 thoughts on “This Just In: Boys Will Be Boys. And I’m Frightened.

  1. Oh boy, don't get me started…

    Matt starting a fire in our backyard.
    Tyler climbing so far up into a tree we had to call the Fire Dept to get him down.
    Matt getting three sets of stitches in one year.
    Matt getting caught on a tree branch and hangs by his underwear until I can lift him off. And it starts to rain. And the underwear`rips and he falls face first on the ground.
    Tyler climbing up to our roof when he was two years old.
    Do you want any more? Cause I got more.

  2. Gosh, I just don't know where to begin. I'm about to have TWO of them! I like to think nothing could surprise me anymore.

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.

  3. Judging from Mama Hen's long list of frightening boy stories, I think you and Chris should have a chat with her about how best to prepare for Noah! :)

    At least Ali is very good at letting you know what's going on, she can be a good spy for y'all and warn you before Noah gets into too much mischief.

  4. Where do I begin… one son many happenings….
    when he was little he like to stick things up his nose and then when he was 4 or 5 he decided to take my red nail polish and paint the baseboards and door facings in our bedroom and then there was the poo story. Well what he did was took a napkin and wipe himself and did not tell anyone. I found it behind the tv cabinet. I was so mad but all he could say was don't tell dad. so it is our secret and I did punish him. But dad does not know. He is six – so I am sure there will be many more stories to tell….

  5. Alex is not even 2 yet (ok he will be in 2 months) but he gives his mommy (my sister) a heart attack at least once a day with his death defying, no fear climbing and jumping.

    We haven't had any major injuries yet though.

  6. I knew a boy who stuck a knife in the electric outlet and burned the knife. I still have the knife with a cut-out. Or the boy who tripped his little sister and cut her eyebrow off. Or the little boy who pushed his sister in the fire and then told her not to tell Mom and Day about the huge burns on her legs. Or the boy who locked his little sister in the closet until the Dad had to nail down the trap door in her closet because she was scared of the monsters her brother told her were down there.Or when the brother got old enough taught her how to roll yards. Shall I go on? Yes, I dearly love my brother very much. However, all of this is true. and we won't talk about the glider.Big Bro, try to deny any of this, ha…

  7. Averi has done her fair share of crazy things even though she's a girl:) But thankfully I have Mia giving me a running narration of everything she is about to do so like Christen said, I'm sure Ali will keep you informed:) Good luck…LOL!

  8. bwahahahahah You're in for a whole new ball game. Kyler once threw my flower pots off the back deck. (They crashed nicely.) He hid a frog in his room. We once found a turtle he had forgotten about. (He caught 9 of them that day.) His body odors could be used as a biological weapon. That's just off the top of my head. . .However, one look at that sniffly nosed little guy with the dirt marks on his face and you melt like buttah. Boys are foreign creatures. I have mostly stopped asking "why". Little boys have a very special place in their mama's heart and no amount of dirt or grossness or weirdness can erase that.

  9. Actually, my daughter is much more destructive than my sons….

    She's the one that wipes boogers on her walls and hangs on the banisters until they come apart.

    My boys, nope… they're actually pretty good! lol

  10. Your world, Rachel and Chris, is about to be rocked.

    My son sprayed pepper spray in his eyes last week. Oh yes, ROCKED.

  11. Do you have about 9 years because that's how old he is? LOL

    The first one has a few stories but nothing compared to the youngest who just keeps creating more and more and more…..

    Like the baby powder battle with his friend that covered my whole kitchen floor. To clean it up…they put liquid soap on top of it……

    You will have so much to write about LOL

  12. Because the idea of having a boy worried me a bit also, I asked around to my friends with sons and found out that usually you can look at the father and see how the son wil be. If this is true then I have nothing to worry about. From what I understand, the worst thing my husband did as a kid was empty a bottle of baby powder all over the nursery and once ate all of his sister's lipstick…please, please, please let the theory of son being like father true!

  13. My little guy broke his elbow at 2 and we didn't know it for 5 days. Turns out it never swelled or bruised or anything. He was jumping on a bed, didn't fall off just landed with his arm behind him.

  14. I don't think it is necessarily boys only! K could take on any of these stories with some of her own. :)

    My couins broke his brother's leg. He was 6 and his brother was 8, got mad and kicked him in the shin…with cleats on. Although my stepsister broke my other stepsisters wrist while playing pool (with the cue stick) when she got mad once, so that's not all boy stuff either.

    At least you will have lots to blog about! Poor Ali…poor you! Haha:)

  15. Well, there are far worse things than I'm going to tell you about, but when my son Bryan was 2 and his sister Sierra was 1, I heard a lot of splashing, giggling and flushing. Their "cherubic" faces were dripping with toilet water when I found them … I asked what was happening and Sierra told me, but I couldn't understand. So Bryan translated for her and said they were getting drinks. "Yeth, gink!" shouted Sierra, as she plopped her head in the toilet, Bryan flushed it, and they both fell on the floor laughing.

    Good luck.

  16. Uh. Yeah. Eli doesn't have a brother and it didn't stop him from diving head first out of a grocery cart on Tuesday. Although… He does have J.C. for a father, so maybe that explains it :).

    Boys are crazy, but you're gonna love it!

  17. Doesn't she realize that waiting till her son is married to wipe her butt on his shower curtain is only going to hurt her poor future daughter-in-law?

    I mean, who does she think is going to notice poop on the shower curtain first? And who is going to think, "I'll pretend I didn't see that, and then my spouse will have to take care of it?"

  18. HI-LARIOUS, ABSOLULTELY HILARIOUS! Love this post and ALL the comments here on blogger! My lil guy carries around a basketball named Irish for a best friend. And now that he is in climbing mode, he thinks Irish is just perfect for that. He was climbing on Irish in the classroom one day. Because Irish is a ROUND BALL (for Pete's sake!) Jack spun as he fell resulting in a bleeding head, HUGE bruise on the side of his face and an abrasion on his chest… will have lots to write about!

  19. When my brother was four he colored himself green with a permanent marker, EVERYTHING he could reach. When asked why he simply stated "I wanted to be green". Needless to say future girlfriends will be hearing about it. (He is now 14)

  20. I agree that it's probably not just girls. Because Eden can cause some insane ruckus. But Ali is probably just really docile. Which could mean your boy will be too…or maybe they'll be polar opposites! :) At least Ali can give you an accurate play by play of what she sees go down when you aren't looking!
    One thing that I think is in every boy's genes: climbing. I can't keep the piano bench by the piano anymore because Salem knows how to pull it out, climb on it, then all the way to the top of the upright piano. He's one. We're in for it too! At least we'll have fun stuff to write about right?!

  21. Boys are MUCH different than girls. But, I too, have a girl as teh oldest child, who does give the play-by-play most of the time (but probably not when it matters most.)

    You will have a blast, but they are very destructive little creatures!

  22. There are many, but the one that first came to mind was the time a foster brother caught our house on fire.
    I have a brother who is seven years older than me. He was a total torture to me. Hopefully with Ali being the oldest she won't have to endure that.

  23. Well if it helps… my son is actually pretty well behaved and my daughter causes me more gray hair-wrinkle inducing moments than he ever did. I can't even think of a boy story to frighten you with. My brothers on the other hand… yikes, its amazing I've still got two good hands to type with!

  24. This is a hilarious post!

    I've never had children of my own, obviously, however, being the oldest child with a younger sister & 2 younger brothers I do know how boys can be!
    This one was a doozie: When Stephen was about 2 or 3 and David 4 or 5 they went out to lunch with some friends and Mom put them in the mini van afterwards and told them to get in their seats…She decided to talk to her friend but was standing right by the vehicle and cranked it to turn the AC on when Stephen (age 2 or 3) decided he wanted to drive the car and put it in reverse while standing behind the wheel while David held on to a seat belt for dear life WITH the sliding door open….

  25. Are you kidding me? Chris is about to have a new partner in crime!! Jeremy (yes, Jeremy) and Woods do stuff like that all the time!

  26. huh? i have to say rachel, it is in the kid, not the penis! my oldest is a girl and fairly docile, but she is the one who rubbed poop all over her walls when she was potty-training and three years old. why? because i, genius mother, put the little potty in her room, during nap time. that would be the nap time that she did not want to take…so…do not fear, they all poop, whether they be girl or boy and they all choose their paths of pain for their parents! my boy has been full of fun and kisses for his mom…but now my youngest (a girl w/ special needs) gives me hell! go figure!

  27. I was in the same boat with you. Abby is the sweetest, doing-something-mischievous-would-never-cross-her-mind kind of girl. Grayson is the sweetest, if-he-doesn't-think-it-will-kill-him-he'll-try-it kind of boy.

  28. OnlySon pushed an M&M up his nose so far that we had to use a vacuum to get it out.

    OnlySon took the sliding OAK doors from his closet off the rails when he was 18 months old. By himself. Without us hearing him. We were in the next room.

    OnlySon spent his "earned behavior points" in elementary school on gifts for everyone in the family. He was always bringing home little "treasures" for us, me especially. I still have every one of them.

  29. We finally had a boy after four girls. What a life change! He is certainly full of a different kind of energy – we've had to visit the ENT for the bead stuffed up the nose, we've had the poop everywhere when he was supposed to be sleeping (he was really just trying to tell me, "Come on and potty train me already! Just because I'm a boy doesn't mean I want to sit in poop!"), we've had him sneak out and lock himself in the van – twice. If you're standing in the pool ready to catch him as he jumps in, he'll pull a last minute twist and jump just out of your reach. With him, everything he has to say is an announcement. "I have to poop!" "I go peed in my underwear!" "Dinner! Dinner!" And my all-time favorite, "Holy! Holy! Holy! Lord God almighty! Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee!" It's hard to imagine our life without this little guy. He requires alot of energy, but the return on the investment is fantastic!

  30. Well…I hate to be dull and all, but I have two boys, and they are, well, really good. We haven't had any broken arms (yet), no stiches (yet), nothing up noses or in ears (yet), no 911 calls (yet), no climbing excessive heights (yet), or knocking out teeth (yet), and no black eyes (yet). So far, they've been sweet, loving (especially to the mommy), pretty obedient, and fairly laid back. They are a lot of fun and have a lot of energy, but they haven't caused me undue levels of anxiety or drama. After reading a lot of these other comments, they just might be getting ice cream for dinner…well my oldest might. My youngest doesn't like sweets. See? They're too good!

  31. Yes, you are wise to be timid about this situation. Landen has managed to get his arm stuck underneath the door to his room so snugly that we had to call 911 to come out and save his arm. He got stitches in his chin twice in one year and has been the culprit in most house-wrecking situations. He also manages to give me a heart attack at least 3 times a week, even at the age of seven. But, I just have to add (since I have one of each) that although boys can be totally destructive a good bit of the time, you will be overjoyed when they get to the age where they start playing sports. Baseball, basketball, soccer and football are great outlets for their never-ending energy. It's an amazing moment when you see your little boy step up to the baseball tee for the first time and hit a home run. It's just awesome to watch them come alive in moments like that. It's all about balancing the crazy with the amazing and you guys are gonna do great!

  32. Usually it is more dangerous when you have more than one boy in the mix. And sure they usually like more thrills and challenges. But it's funny that it was my daughter that had the broken bones, stitches in her face ( yes, I'll admit it was partly my fault), that pulled her older brother off her big wheel by his hair, sat on his back and beat him on the head. My daughter was right there with her brother riding coaster cars down the hill in the alley. When learning to drive at 15, it was my daughter who drove the winding backroads like she was in a race car.(After which I swore I'd never teach another child to drive.)

  33. They're fun, but destructive. My son loved to take electronics apart. I thought he was bomb making at age three. Hide your tools.

  34. I remembered another one….when I was small, the neighbor boy slammed the door on my hand and I lost the tip of my left pointer finger because of it!

  35. Boys are definitely different according to my mom, but the kind of trouble you are talking about is not just a gender thing. My mother-in-law hears stories about my siblings growing up (ok, so I may have been involved) and is horrified. Epic water fight on involving me and my then three year old sister on the roof and two soaked mattresses. The time we snuck into the forest during hunting season to sabotage deer traps and got shot at. The time we lit a fire in the hay against the garage – okay so that was my brother but I gave him the matches. My mother-in-law always says that she had THREE boys but the worst they ever did was trip and fall and get stitches or knock out teeth. Which my sister did too.

    And all the stories I know about beans and sponges and crayons and other items up noses involve girls.
    So I wouldn't be too worried just because he's a boy.

    Worry because he's not the first born (they say that the first child tends to be more responsible).

    But seriously, I think genetics have a lot to do with it. If you have a lot of family stories involving craziness, then you might want to have a plan for keeping the boy active in constructive ways. But if your stories are mostly friends, then I wouldn't worry.

  36. I am in late, but I have stories! Shortly after Ian learned to crawl he, unbeknowest to us, also learned to climb ladders.

    When he was 10 months old I walked into the kitchen and found him ON TOP OF THE REFRIDGERATOR! He was 10 months old.

    Be prepared for ADVENTURE!

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