I used to love it…
But after two seasons, I realized that it stressed me out so much that I might need medication if I watched another episode. Just hearing the mere “beep, BEEP, beep, BEEP” of the intro and before and after every stinkin’ commercial break literally makes my heart race with anxiety and dread of WHAT’S GOING TO GO WRONG NEXT.
(Actually, just THINKING the “beep, BEEP, beep, BEEP” makes my heart race. I’m telling you – the continued existence of this show is not good for my mental well-being.)
But, Chris still loves it. And I don’t want to miss out on our night times alone. So, when the dreaded time slot arrives, I sit in the living room, feet entwined with his, but eyes and ears two inches from my laptop, trying my DARNDEST to tune out the carnage happening on his Male Soap Opera.
And so, I present my case.
12 Reasons that I hate 24.
- They make it up as they go along – the writers actually admitted a few years ago that they only have a few weeks planned out at a time, and they make the rest up as they come up with “cool” ideas.
For someone who likes continuity and an overarching plan, this is TORTUROUS. Yet not surprising….
- For instance, in the last season that I cared about, they wasted three hours (aka THREE WEEKS of episodes) recovering an mp3 that Jack had, but let get taken back. He had it for at least an hour before losing it.
C’mon, people – if he’s really superman, he would have TOTALLY recorded it onto something else or played it over the phone to let someone else record it or SOMETHING. Those three hours were unabashed time fillers that I will never be able to recover.
- The show is supposed to be in real time for 24 hours. If that’s the case, why does no one ever pee?? Ever tried holding your bladder for 24 hours? That’s what I thought.
- I have a lot of issues with this whole real time thing. For instance: flights across country take 15 minutes.
- And driving a car across Los Angeles take 2 minutes.
- Also, Jack always happens to be in the exact city that a crisis is about to take place – whether that city is LA, NY, DC, Africa, or Needles, Arizona.
- And the most annoying time issue – every the-world-is-about-to-end crisis always resolves in exactly 24 hours.
But if it DOES resolve sooner, then there just HAS to be another crisis. And the two combined will equal … exactly 24 hours.
- Chloe O’Brian always looks like she just smelled the worst aroma ever concocted by a human, and she’s covertly looking both ways, trying to find out if it was the person at the console on the left…or on the right.
- Everyone in the world, good or bad, is related to Jack. Seriously – how many relatives can one man have that are on one side or the other of every terroristic plot on the face of this good earth??
- The ticking is so anxiety-inducing that I fear it will make me tear out a brick wall, Edgar Allen Poe Tell-Tale Heart Style.
- The violence. Apparently, there are golden tickets in the television industry, and if you get it, you’re not subject to normal rules of decency. For instance, 24 got the Violence Golden Ticket. Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives split the Sexual Content Golden Ticket. Oh – and Jersey Shore got the “Really??? People Actually LIVE LIKE THAT?!!?!?” Golden Ticket.
- There’s NEVER a truly happy ending. Nor will there ever be. Even Chris, deep down in his soul, would trade watching a whole season just to give Jack Bauer 24 hours of peace and happiness. In episode one of this year, he was already saying “C’mon, Jack, get on the plane with your daughter!! Leave it all behind!! Fly, Jack!! Fly!!! Fly far, far away!!!”
Of course, Jack chose to stay and fix the crisis-that-couldn’t-possibly-be-solved-without-Jack. And of course, this season, like all the others, will end up with Jack getting the snot beat out of him – for the TWENTY-FOURTH time of the season.
Face it – It’s not going to happen. Jack will never get a full night’s sleep, will never get to pee, and will NEVER be happy or well-adjusted. And Chloe will never quit smelling loathsome and offensive odors.