United Mommy’s Union (UMU)
New Policies and Announcements
Dear UMU Members,
I understand that at this point, mere days before Christmas, you may not be feeling exactly in the Christmas spirit.
Shopping, wrapping, parties, presents, feed-the-whole-family-Christmas-dinner planning, card-making, label-making, crafts with the kids, school functions, kids-are-out-of-school-so-you-can’t-get-as-much-as-usual-done, baking, decorating….it’s enough to substantiate a full out picketing strike.
Our sympathies are with you, as are our wishes for a holiday peace to come upon you.
Because we know exactly how hard you work during this crazy season, we are currently in talks with the United Toddler’s Union (UTU) to allow for a daily 30 minute Starbucks break for all UMU members.
Unfortunately, the UTU council pooped in their diapers at the mere suggestion.
However, we will continue our efforts in making headway in this revised benefits package.
We are also in talks with the United Daddy’s Union (UDU) to lock in arrival-home-from-work times.
Because we all know that the final 30 minutes before Daddy gets home lasts at least ten eternities, and if there is an extra 15 minutes tacked onto the end, then 1 Corinthians 10:13 about not being tempted beyond what we can bear becomes automatically null and void.
Luckily, the UDU is more open to our requests than the UTU. We will keep you posted.
In other news, we have recently been made aware that the UTU is using some very fierce battle techniques.
One of them is Sweetheart Mode. All UTU members have been installed with a sensor where they know when they have pushed their luck right up to the edge of the precipice.
When this sensor goes off, they immediately downshift into sweetheart mode, giving out unrequested hugs and kisses and showering you with “I LOOOOVE You Mommy!!”.
Another tactic being used by some younger toddlers (without their full reasoning abilities installed) is, “I’m so HAPPPPPY, Mommy!!!”
Do not be fooled. However, we recommend that you receive and enjoy the hugs. They’re toddlers, people – ya gotta get them when you can.
Secondly, they are using Boomerang Mode, which involves using our own ammunition against us. At the first sign of frustration from a member of the UMU, they will repeat their very same verbage back to them.
“Can you find your happy heart, Mommy?”
“We don’t argue, Mommy.”
“We don’t say no, Mommy.”
“Please don’t argue with me, Mommy.”
Best of luck in not laughing while correcting them. But hey – if it helps cheer you up, it can’t be too bad.
At any rate, by all means take your Starbucks break with or without the UTU’s approval (but don’t tell them we said so), slow down and enjoy the holidays!
The United Mommy’s Union