United Mommy’s Union (UMU)

New Policies and Announcements

December 2009

Dear UMU Members,

Merry Christmas!

I understand that at this point, mere days before Christmas, you may not be feeling exactly in the Christmas spirit.

Shopping, wrapping, parties, presents, feed-the-whole-family-Christmas-dinner planning, card-making, label-making, crafts with the kids, school functions, kids-are-out-of-school-so-you-can’t-get-as-much-as-usual-done, baking, decorating….it’s enough to substantiate a full out picketing strike.

Our sympathies are with you, as are our wishes for a holiday peace to come upon you.

Because we know exactly how hard you work during this crazy season, we are currently in talks with the United Toddler’s Union (UTU) to allow for a daily 30 minute Starbucks break for all UMU members.

Unfortunately, the UTU council pooped in their diapers at the mere suggestion.

However, we will continue our efforts in making headway in this revised benefits package.

We are also in talks with the United Daddy’s Union (UDU) to lock in arrival-home-from-work times.

Because we all know that the final 30 minutes before Daddy gets home lasts at least ten eternities, and if there is an extra 15 minutes tacked onto the end, then 1 Corinthians 10:13 about not being tempted beyond what we can bear becomes automatically null and void.

Luckily, the UDU is more open to our requests than the UTU. We will keep you posted.

In other news, we have recently been made aware that the UTU is using some very fierce battle techniques.

One of them is Sweetheart Mode. All UTU members have been installed with a sensor where they know when they have pushed their luck right up to the edge of the precipice.

When this sensor goes off, they immediately downshift into sweetheart mode, giving out unrequested hugs and kisses and showering you with “I LOOOOVE You Mommy!!”.

Another tactic being used by some younger toddlers (without their full reasoning abilities installed) is, “I’m so HAPPPPPY, Mommy!!!”

Do not be fooled. However, we recommend that you receive and enjoy the hugs. They’re toddlers, people – ya gotta get them when you can.

Secondly, they are using Boomerang Mode, which involves using our own ammunition against us. At the first sign of frustration from a member of the UMU, they will repeat their very same verbage back to them.

“Can you find your happy heart, Mommy?”

“We don’t argue, Mommy.”

“We don’t say no, Mommy.”

“Please don’t argue with me, Mommy.”

Best of luck in not laughing while correcting them. But hey – if it helps cheer you up, it can’t be too bad.

At any rate, by all means take your Starbucks break with or without the UTU’s approval (but don’t tell them we said so), slow down and enjoy the holidays!


The United Mommy’s Union

11 thoughts on “United Mommy’s Union

  1. I LOVE IT!!! I'm still laughing on over the I Corinthians reference!!! This is the perfect holiday post. Making a link to direct friends here for a dose of smiles!

  2. Excuse me but is anyone at all engaging in talks with the UPU (United Preschoolers Union)? They seem to have really begun aggressively pursuing the I'm so incredibly sweet and cute you can't stand to say no even though you have a million other things to do techniques of distraction.
    Great post!!! I am going to be tweeting on this!

  3. Cute post, Rachel, and so true. It has been years since we have had little ones but they still do the same things. Now I hear all this coming from the daughter and granddaughter.

  4. absolutely, hands-down your funniest post in at least. . .a week. Seriously, excellent post!!!

  5. That's awesome! I definitely am on board with UDU! I'll picket for on-time arrival! We've been lucky if we get him home by dinner lately! I'm trying to be understanding and stay positive b/c I know he's totally swamped with the year end books and all, but I just want him home!

    My little monkey has been working on perfecting the "sweetheartheart" mode too. :)

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