As I’ve mentioned a few times before, Ali is very curious about my chest, insisting that I absolutely must have babies in there. If I deny the presence of babies, then I am barraged with question after question of wanting very much to know what exactly they are.

I change the subject, I ignore, I stall…

But finally, I couldn’t delay her questions any longer.

One can only withstand being jabbed and asked, “But Mommy, what are they CALLED???” for so long, you know.

Since I adhere to the “vague” theory of Toddler Anatomy Terminology, I finally decided that the word we would use would be “chest”.

She has taken this new knowledge and run with it, and we have been talking about the chest even more than we talk about poo poo.

(I can’t deny that the subject change is actually a nice relief.)

Her questions are inquisitive, nosy, and analytical…

“Why do you have BUMPY chest?”

“I have a flat chest. When will I have a bumpy chest?”

“Why does Daddy have a flat chest?”

I have explained thoroughly that Mommies have bumpy chests and Daddies have flat chests.

“I don’t want to be a Daddy, then.”

“Don’t worry – you’re a girl. Girls grow up to be Mommies.”

“Oh. When I grow up, I’m going to be a Mommy and have a bumpy chest.”

…which got us off on a whole new tangent…

“If you’re a Mommy and have a little girl, what are you going to name her?”


(Obvious choice, seeing as how her cousin AND her best friend’s sister are both Tessas.)

“And then I’ll name one Sophie.”

(Not so obvious choice, seeing as how her Great-Grandmother’s Dog is named Sophie. The very same dog that bit her last year, for which Ali still hasn’t forgiven her. But, in Ali’s defense, she has a second cousin named Sophie, too.)

“What will you name your little boy if you have one?”


(The name of the boy she currently claims she is going to marry. I guess if her little scheme works out, her son will be Benjamin Junior.)

(But if it doesn’t work out, she’s going to have some explaining to do to her husband as to why she wants to name her son after her toddler crush.)

After her naptime, the questions start right back up.

She looks down, rubs her chest, and says, “It’s not bumpy yet!!”

“No, baby, it’s not. It will be a while.”

“Is AJ’s chest bumpy yet?”

“No, hers isn’t bumpy yet either.”

“What about Abby’s?”

“Nope, she’s still got a flat chest too.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Nothing like a good boob obsession to start at the age of 2.


19 thoughts on “We Must, We Must, We Must Increase Our Bust.

  1. That is too funny. Kinda reminds me of my nephew who is a couple months younger than Ali. The other day he told me and my mom that he wanted to see our winkies. After we quit laughing we explained that girls don't have them. Yeah I'm glad we were at home when that happened.

  2. We have the boob obsession going at our house too. Except we weren't smart enough to give it another name. So we hear "Boobs boobs boobs" all day long. Remember the pumpkins? Unfortunately my baby is only a few years off from getting her own. Sniff!

  3. too funny. my six year old son asked me the other day why girls don't have " peties " our term for the boy part. i just told him that was the way God made us. he accepted and went on about his business. but i have a feeling he will ask again.

  4. What a crack up! She is so funny with her early desire for a "bumpy chest". I love her inquisitiveness. I'm at the stage of the beginnings of "bumps" with my 11 year old. Sigh…

  5. What?I'm a mommy and I still don't have a bumpy chest!:)That is precisely why I breast fed each one for a year! Holding on to 'bumps' as long as I could!

  6. One day you will show this blog post to her fiance and she will be so embarrassed that she was actually photographed at 2 wanting bumps. Too funny!

  7. I'm absolutely cracking up!

    This is when I'm so glad that I don't have to worry about this with Jackson. He's just obsessed with booties right now. I'll take booties over boobies anyday!!!

  8. So glad to have a boy!
    Of course, my boy's Mama's chest is not so bumpy. Not so much to talk about. I probably would not have to have this convo with a little girl either.
    Please be sure to tell that I am in fact a Mommy flat chest or no….

  9. I think "chest" is so appropriate for little ones that age. Especially since they like to proclaim that they have parts to the world in the loudest "inside voice" possible.
    I have an almost 3 yr old little boy, and we have named his parts…his "boy parts" Because when he showers with mom and asks about my body compared to his body, I can just say that those are his "boy" parts and mom has "girl" parts. (And we also use chest, since that is the safest bet!) And since I am pregnant with #2 I also have a belly that is "baby" unfortunately my FIL also has a belly which has become "baby"…ouch! Good thing he has a sense of humor!

    Rachel, Thank you for your blog, it brings me humor everytime I read!

  10. I remember this line from "Are you there, God…" very well.

    My kid at 3 is also fascinated by boobies and when she will get hers and when will she be able to wear a bra. If only I could get her to realize they're more of a pain than they're worth.

  11. Haha, that is too funny! We use "chest" too but K doesn't really talk about it that much. She is fixated on "booty" and "tooting" at the moment. Maybe she will be a tom-boy. :)

  12. Maybe if you teach Ali the "chant" that Ryan's granny taught me, her chest will magically appear :)
    We must, we must, we must increase our bust. The bigger the better, the tighter the sweater, the boys depend on us!

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