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27 Things I Learned in my 27th Year.

October 9, 2009 Rachel Callahan The Blissfulness of Life

So, being the geek that I am, I kept going back and forth on the accuracy of the above title. I think that technically, last year was my 28th year, seeing as how my first year was between 0 and 1 years old. But, then I was afraid that people would think I was turning 29 today – oh the horrors! So I’m being inaccurate because I would rather people think I’m turning 27 than 29.

But, to be completely clear, I am turning……28.

But no need to get caught up in numbers. The point of a birthday is not the additional digit unless you’re under 20. After that, the only perk (and it’s a big one, I might add) of birthdays is that it means that there’s a whole day devoted just to MEEEEEE.

So, without further unnecessary ado, Here is a list of what I’ve learned this year, in (mostly) chronological order:

Birthdays don’t always live up to their expectations. Puking can REALLY put a damper on a special day. (Hopefully, today will be NO repeat of last year.)
A lot can change in a year. I went from nearly having a complete social anxiety attack about merely attending my first blogger meet-up to being the instigator, planner, and leader of my second, third, fourth, and fifth blogger meet-ups… how did THAT happen?
Toddlers will believe that brown milk is something disgusting and undesirable for approximately nine months.
Speaking of disgusting, you can’t deny talent. Chris is very nearly as talented as his uncle at making Toenail Art.
Rooting out and finding the source of a husband’s aromatic crush is MUCH harder than one would have thought.
(No, I still don’t know what the magical scent is…if only I could have THAT for my birthday.)

(However, I DID learn my husband’s fantasy hairdo this year: Pippi Longstocking.)
Two things I’m REALLY NOT good at: Belly Dancing and pulling off Gold lamé leggings.
Phlegm, unfortunately, has chosen me to be his best friend. ALL YEAR LONG. As much as I’ve tried to oust him, he feels the need to continue on with this co-dependent relationship.
Mothering takes constant and continuing education to stay up to date with the current requirements of the job. This year, I learned that two year olds will figure out ways to be in control of their environment, using whatever brilliant means necessary. Whether it’s chipmunking or poop hoarding, they can, and often DO, have TOTAL control.
Even if you meant it as just a joke, if you teach your toddler to say something, like, say, “axiomatically bombastic”, it may very well become a part of their everyday vocabulary. Proceed with caution on teaching any new words. Especially “Funky”.
(Obviously, the creators of Thomas the Tank Engine did not realize this important point when naming a tank engine “Percy”. Thanks for that.)
I have learned to not be so concerned with image. After all, even Princesses aren’t perfect. Even CARTOON princesses may or may not get their hair color out of a bottle. Speaking of, I was also finally able to admit this year that I have a secret and strong desire to dye my hair pink. One day, people. One day.
One cannot escape from their past. Not even their fashion past. If it’s not the 80’s chasing me down, it’s the 90’s. I won’t be able to resist much longer, due to the total lackage of modern clothing available. Sometime this year, I may give in and become a visual example of my past fashion mistakes.
Those people that say that pacifiers are easier to take away before a baby turns one, as opposed to waiting until they’re a toddler? They’re right.
(And, for the (shameful) record, Ali still gets her paci halfway through her naps when she partially wakes up every day. I just can’t seem to stomach cutting naps in half to take it away. Yes. I’m horrible.)
You cannot, shall not, will not be able to be a mother without, at some point, doing things SO grotesque that your pre-Mommy self would have surely died right out at the suggestion.
April Fools + Blogging = Double the Fun! Especially when one of your best friends calls you, seething with rage at the fact that you DIDN’T TELL HER that you were PREGNANT with TWINS before announcing it on your blog!!! Hee hee!
Having a two year old in a wedding, although risky, is thankfully on the “cute” side of the Cute-to-Nightmarish continuum.
If you think the world will think you’re crazy because of your quirky OCD tendencies, then you’re probably right.
Sudafed is TOTALLY worth all of the ridiculous Crystal Meth Red Tape and scare tactics.
Although difficult, learning to tame a curly headed child’s hair is possible, and quite fulfilling when accomplished.
It only takes a couple of months and a couple of blog posts to solve a neighborhood mystery such as why there are dots on mailboxes. It was confirmed that it was the newspaper delivery service. I can now sleep again.
Apparently, you used to not be allowed to take a bath for six weeks after giving birth. Ew.
There is NO safe option for teaching toddlers about anatomy. You WILL be embarrassed, no matter how you go about it.
Waiting until she’s two to teach your child her whole name might cause confusion with zoo animals.
When it comes down to it, there are actually a very limited number of “usable” biblical names.
ALWAYS put the lid down on singing potties. On a related note, big potties make awesome pommel horses. On another related note, once kids start talking, the bathroom becomes a place of escape, rather than necessity.
Not everyone appreciates my sense of humor. Or finds it humorous. At all.
Sometimes, teaching your child improper table manners may help the greater good. Like achieving the actual drinkage of milk when taught how to blow bubbles in aforementioned liquid.
Calorie count listings ruin EVERYTHING. And nowhere has them listed more prevalently than NYC. So if you’re going to NYC and don’t want your favorite things ruined FOREVER (like, say, White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks), don’t go to any restaurants or coffee shops that you frequent back home. On a related note, just don’t ever read any packaging at all. You’ll live a much happier life that way.

And now, I’m off to celebrate the rest of the day that’s all about MEEEEEE!!!

…right after I do the laundry…and fix Ali some breakfast…and do the dishes…and play dolls with her…and get my work done…

Gumshoe, Mommy Style.

August 19, 2009 Rachel Callahan Mystery Solved, Toddlers: The Experience

I absolutely HATED the movie A Christmas Story as a kid.

Maybe it was because my Grandparents always had it in the VHS player, all too eager to cue up EVERY time we came over, regardless of whether it was July or December.

Or, maybe it was because it is THE MOST DEPRESSING MOVIE EVER MADE.

However, there was one part that I always found fascinating: The Decoder Ring.

I always wanted to be a detective as a little girl. In fact, there was a period of time where I insisted on being called “Carmen Sandiego”.

(I don’t remember exactly when that occurred, except that it immediately followed the time period where I answered to the name “Nancy Drew”.)

So, the idea of a decoder ring always fascinated me.

And now., I find myself a grown woman – a Mommy, a wife, with an accounting degree (just as exciting as “Detective”, don’t you think?), but I still have a thrill run down my spine whenever I solve a mystery.

(You might have already noticed my penchant for mysteries from The Neighborhood Mystery, The Perfume Mystery, The Magically Appearing Water Mystery, The Blue Light Mystery, or The ALDOT Mystery.)

Luckily for me, there are many mysteries to be solved when a toddler is underfoot, so even though my life may appear unadventurous on the outside, I can still convince myself that there are mysteries to be solved! Crimes to bring justice to! Puzzles to figure out!

And, I have had TWO spine-chillingly thrilling solved mysteries in the past couple of days, so obviously, I am one happy detective.

Case Closed #1: The Case of the Unfounded Hate.

I am pretty convinced that toddlers rarely say anything that is completely random. Nearly everything that they come up with is based off of some sort of prior frame of reference that someone has taught them.

Due to this belief, I was quite worried (and a bit mystified) the other day when Ali told me in her cheeriest, most endearing voice that she hated me.

But then, this morning (two weeks after the original hatred incident), it all came together.

I went to get Ali out of bed this morning, and again in the most sweet, cheery voice, she said, “I hate you calling me, Mommy!!”

“What, baby?”

Clear as a bell, again, “I hate you calling me, Mommy!”

“We don’t say hate, honey.”

Look of utter confusion.

Besides her reaction, something just didn’t seem right – that sentence sounded very familiar.

And then it clicked – she was quoting me. Except that she was just mispronouncing a VERY important word.

Background: She likes staying in bed for a while after she wakes up (if I come too soon to get her, she asks me to go away and close the door). Eventually, she starts saying in a quiet voice, “I’m ready to get up now, Mommy.” I hear this cue on the monitor, and go get her. I often greet her by saying in a cheery, sing-song voice, “I heard you calling me, Ali!”

And that’s it.

Line up the decoder ring, and:

Ali-nese: Hate

English: Heard.

Wow. All that time, she was just telling me that she heard me.

Life makes so much more sense now.

(And, if you want to experience this for yourself, I recorded it tonight. Just ignore the mess in the background, and my annoying and incessant efforts at trying to get her to say the same thing over and over.)

Case Closed #2: The Case of Tessa and the Snot.

Remember Ali’s observation that Baby Tessa was older than her snot?

Well that one definitely pushed the limits of my Theory on the Unrandomability of Toddlers. So it kept nagging at me.

What was the connection between Ali’s snot and Baby Tessa?

And then, laying in bed way past the time I should have fallen asleep (which is when I come up with everything of any importance), it hit me: The day that Tessa was born, Ali was getting over a cold. She had been telling everyone at the hospital that she “was a little snotty”, and I didn’t allow her to get close to Baby Tessa because of that.

(At which point, she asked me, “Because Baby Tessa will get me sick?”

“No baby, quite the opposite.”)

Anyway, she was remembering that she had been “A little snotty” the day Tessa was born, and so she associated the two together.

And THAT’S how Tessa got to be older than Ali’s snot.

Now that I’ve solved these mysteries, it’s time to go throw back my strawberry blond hair, kick back and celebrate with my best friends Bess and George and my boyfriend Ned.

And if they’re lucky, we might invite The Hardy Boys over.

~~– Rachel~~

– Nancy

Blupdate? Blogdate? Upblog?

July 19, 2009 Rachel Callahan A Day in the Life, Newsflash, The Magical Perfume

We are currently on our way home from the beach. I’m sure I’ll post more pictures later in the week, but there’s just a ton of tidbits that I haven’t had the chance to share on here in the past few days, so this post is the ever-random update post.

First of all, if you’ve seen any of my Twitter statuses scroll by over the past few days, you might have noticed that I’ve been all aflutter with crazy planning to do something extraordinarily spontaneous for me: I’m going to BlogHer ’09 in Chicago on Thursday!!

For those of you that are saying, “huh?”, Blogher is a very large blogging conference for women (took me forever to figure out how to word that – it started out as “very large women’s blogging conference”, but that just wasn’t coming across right) that happens annually.

I wanted to go, but just didn’t really pursue making it happen (i.e. paying for it myself or knocking down doors trying to find a sponsor).

However, last week, someone whom I’ve worked with through blogging for a long time contacted me and offered me a sponsorship if I would come and help them promote a new website they are starting (more details about that later).

I was immediately thrilled with the possibility, and have been working like mad trying to obtain a ticket (they’ve been sold out for months), flight, and hotel room. PLUS trying to figure out where I’m supposed to go, what I’m supposed to wear (still confused on that one), and on and on.

To say the least, it’s been completely overwhelming, yet exhilarating! But panicky too – I don’t usually travel without Chris and Ali. I will miss them terribly!!

So anyway, I’m sure I should have much to blog about at the end of this week – I mean, where is a better place to find blog fodder than at a BLOGGING CONFERENCE?

I also need to update you on The Magical Perfume.
Several people have asked me how the perfume was once I bought it.

And, I’m sorry to say, that the journey of discovery isn’t over.
Once I bought it, Chris wasn’t as sure. He would give me doubtful sounding responses such as “I LIKE it. . .”, and “it smells NICE. . . ”

NOT the responses that would be obtained had it been, actually, the magical perfume.

Luckily, I bought the tiniest itty bitty travel size they had, and he DOES like it, so it will do until I find The One and Only Magical Perfume.

So, the journey of aroma discovery will surely continue. And Chris keeps reminding me that all worthwhile treasure hunts take time, the gathering of clues, and, oh yeah, TIME.

So I shan’t be discouraged. I SHALL smell magical one day!

I’ve also gotten a few questions about the As-Yet-Un-Exorcised Fridge.

It has gotten better, but it’s still iffy. I turned the temperature down all the way, which seems to have helped, but my last half gallon of milk still went sour five days early.

I asked the milk guy at my grocery store about it, and he said that their milk normally lasts over a week past the expiration date for him (mine has been going bad 5-10 days early).

Then again, he WAS the milk guy.

Chris put an independent thermometer in the fridge, and it’s reading at 29 degrees – which seems surely cold enough for a fridge!! But I need to research it and find out if, indeed, that is the right temperature.

And, I anti-bacterialized the whole thing again.

I think I need a new, purty, fancy Fridge. Don’t you?

My Mom’s Leg.

She is MUCH better – in fact, she is allowed to put her whole weight on her foot, as of last Monday!!

Apparently, the doctor WAY over-emphasized the healing process when she was in the hospital, presumably because he could sense that my Mom was a very very busy lady and would potentially cheat the process if he didn’t make it sound super grim.

(Maybe it was my Mom begging “Can I still teach at Vacation Bible School next week?” that clued him in.)

So everything has gone quicker, smoother, and less painful than we were told, which is awesome!

My sister-in-law, Lindsay, is having Tessa Kate tomorrow! I’m sure she and I will have pictures and updates up tomorrow for you, and Eli will be a very proud big brother.

And, last thing – tomorrow is the last day to enter all of the Start of Summer giveaways (except for the Zoës Kitchen one) – so if you haven’t entered, be sure to do so!! Links to each one are at the top left sidebar.

Well, that’s it! I think I’ve addressed everyone’s questions, and in doing so, there’s enough update in this post to be a full-fledged newspaper! So feel free to print this out, lay it out on the floor, and let your dog pee on it. (Do people still do that?)

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