An Appropriate Goodbye.

150430b Time of Day

We’ve been inseparable for 33 and a half years. Unequivocally attached to one another, bound by each other’s decisions, moods, and words.

But in one week and one day, that will end permanently.

My tonsils will be cut from my body and thrown away without so much as a proper goodbye. In fact, I’ll sleep through the whole thing – some hostess I am. (Good southern hospitality requires one to always say goodbye – even when their guests have to get up at 4am to leave for an early morning flight.)

But not this time – not for my tonsils.

And so, as we have exactly eight days left to spend in each other’s company, I feel it’s only right that we spend them with an appropriate level of consideration. That we find ways to have quality time together before that time is cut short with a scalpel and a suction and probably a little bit of cauterization.

We should eat ice cream – lots of it. I know that I’ll also be eating copious amounts of ice cream for the ten days after the surgery, but it’s not fair that my tonsils don’t get their own final bowls of ice cream before they’re brutally murdered and discarded in an opaque red “Body Parts” bag.

And we should sing. We should sing loudly. We should sing high. We should, as one twitter friend suggested, sing the highest notes of Bohemian Rhapsody. Perhaps we should even take opera lessons for the next eight days.

(I Googled “Will a Tonsillectomy Affect My Voice” right after writing the above sentence. Turns out it actually does, and there’s a “Singer’s Tonsillectomy” that focuses on injuring the pharynx muscles less than a normal old lazy Tonsillectomy. Who knew?)

(I can only hope that I’ll become a better singer from my scarred Pharynx – that I’ll inherit a sexy raspy voice with which I can win American Idol: Senior Citizen’s Edition in a couple of years.)

(Ryan Seacrest will make an adorable old man host. And we’ve already discussed Harry Connick Jr’s ability to get better with age.)

But let’s continue planning my last days with my tonsils. Because that’s what we’re here for.

We should go see a few sunsets. I’m sure that I open my mouth awkwardly when holding a camera and focusing on the horizon, so my tonsils have definitely grown fond of sunsets over the past few years. Plus, I’m supposedly not going to feel like getting out of bed for a week and a half, so I better stock up to prevent withdrawals.

And I think that they deserve at least three more dates with my husband – both for the food and for the making out.

(Tonsil Hockey is called Tonsil Hockey for a reason, right? They must enjoy playing goalie.)

I mean, they’ve known him for like 50% of my life, and since he’s more likable than me and he doesn’t feed them mashed cauliflower, they’re probably going to miss him more than me anyway.

(I couldn’t let that number go unchecked….turns out, not quite 50%:)

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Now that you’re all heaving onto your keyboards (who am I fooling – you’re heaving onto your iPhones), let’s continue…

Actually, let’s not.

I think that’s enough goodbyes for the Tonsils. Especially since I’m pretty hacked at them. They landed me in the hospital last month, and now they’re being all diva-ish and requiring what my ENT promises to be the worst surgery of my life – despite the fact that I’ve had six others.

(He’s a real comforter, my doctor. “You will need a full ten days to recover. It’s going to be awful. You will wonder why you agreed to do this in the first place and will probably hate me. You will not feel like doing anything, which is good, because if you exert yourself the most common side effect is blood spurting out of your throat. Not dripping – spurting. You will know it if it happens to you. If it does, we’re going to need you to come back to the ER so I can cauterize the incisions. And you don’t want that.”)

So yeah. Good riddance, Tonsils. You’re on your own.

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Comments

  1. I had my tonsils out when I was 15 and they were HUGE according to the ENT. I lost 10 lbs which as an adult would be cool, at 15 I was a string bean. That said it was not Awful. What I remember was this ton of extra spit in my mouth that I had to keep getting rid of every few minutes. The 2nd week was worse then the first but not terrible. Eat soft foods, rest a bit, and take the pain meds. I do not regret it at all. From age 10 to 12 I had strep or tonsillitis every month. Insurance would not approve the surgery. Then I got impacted and infected sinuses for 2 years and then I went back to strep or tonsillitis. I had my first case of strep in 23 years 2 weeks ago. Surgery, well worth it.

  2. Please, please follow the dr’s instructions (not that you’ve said you won’t)–my son had his out at 14, and the dr acted like THAT was having them out on the “old”-side. With 3 kids, we’ve had our share of bumps, bruises, and urgent care visits, and I’ve NEVER been as terrified of taking care of a patient as I was when he had his tonsils out.

    Praying that it all goes perfectly & recovery is a breeze!

  3. Your Dr. isn’t lying to you. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced (ray of sunshine here, right?). I got mine removed when I was 28. Days 1 and 2, not so bad. Day 3 = pain worse than you can imagine. It was a very hard 2 weeks of recovery. After surgery I found out that I was a strep carrier, and that my tonsils were covered in strep bacteria. I wasn’t going to ever quit getting strep without having them removed. It’s been 6 years, and I haven’t had more than a cold that entire time. No strep or tonsillitis at all.

    My biggest piece of advice to you – take it easy. and rest lots. I lost 15lbs from not eating. The liquid pain medicine burned really bad when I had to drink it, so I would have a glass of ice cold milk and would do a “shot” of milk before and after the pain meds and it helped ease the burn. Drink as much as you can so you don’t get dehydrated. And I didn’t have any blood spurting, but the scabs coming out in your throat is not a good feeling at all. Good luck, Rachel! I hate that you have to have this done, but I can promise you that it is totally worth it in the end.

  4. Lindsay D. says:

    My six year old son is having this done the day after you. (Along with adenoid removal and removal of an ear tube that was placed over two years ago to relive ear infections. It is embedded and needs to be removed and patched.) I am not looking forward to trying to keep him down for over a week. He runs wide open all day long. His pediatric ENT said the same thing about after the surgery. Keep him down, make him rest, or else he’ll bleed from the incisions and end up in the hospital. Jesus, take the wheel.
    I hope you do well. Will be thinking about you.

  5. Jennifer L. says:

    I hope it goes well for you! I had mine out at age seven. Make sure you take your pain meds religiously. Ice cream may be too cold at first, so pudding, jello and lukewarm broth feel good. Also, chew lots of gum, because it helps keep your throat moist.

  6. Yes your voice will change, my oldest spoke with a high pitched voice for about two weeks. I was so afraid he would talk forever like that, thankfully it went away.
    Do you have someone to take the kids for a few days for you?

    • Yes, I do have people taking care of the kids! My parents will have them the first couple of days, then our friends are splitting them up the next week, thank goodness!

  7. I’m shuddering for you. If I lived nearby and could be your ice cream supplier during your recovery, I would.

  8. I got my tonsils out when I was 12 and haven’t missed them since. Although now I wonder if they’re why I’m not a good singer. Either way, totally what I’m blaming it on.

  9. Nine months for a first kiss….your husband is a patient man :) Wishing you a speedy recovery!

  10. Ugh this sounds horrible! I’m hoping you’ll be an anomaly and breeze through the surgery and recovery! And I hope it’s not too painful so you can relax and enjoy the solitude…assuming your mom will take the kiddos! Will send up some extra prayers for you!

  11. I’m not trying to scare you but…….
    I’ve had 8 surgeries, this was by far the WORST!!!
    I had them removed when I was 39 & they told me “This will be horrible”
    Holy crap they weren’t kidding!! Good luck to you, I hope your recovery is faster & easier
    then mine was!!! God bless you!

  12. Oh just thought of something else.
    Do NOT forget pain meds! The liquid is like battery acid & burns.
    It does get better though!!!!

  13. I had my tonsils out at 19. Like Carrie and Amy, I’ve been much healthier since, so it was a good move.

    My experience was unpleasant but no worse than having 2 impacted wisdom teeth extracted.

    My most important advice: NO CITRUS FRUITS OR TOMATOES FOR AT LEAST TWO WEEKS!!! And wait a couple days for any kind of soda pop; it’s more acidic than you ever realized, and the bubbles don’t feel good at first. Stick with ice water, peppermint tea, and of course ice cream.

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