Toddler Intelligence Agency, Home Office
Security Clearance: SLEEP
CODE RED INTELLIGENCE BREACH
The Toddler Intelligence Agency (TIA) has determined that “Noah”, hereafter named “The Agent”, has allowed a serious breach in confidential agency terminology.
On the afternoon of May 15, The Agent did so use a Code Sleep Security Command (CSSC) in the presence of “Mommy”, hereafter known as “The Target”.
After running an impressive exercise battery of refusing sleep for more than two hours despite The Target’s every effort at exhausting him that morning, in a delirious stupor of half sleep, The Agent had the following conversation with The Target, which was recorded and transcribed by undercover field agents:
The Agent: “I won’t take a sleep. I won’t.”
The Target: “You have to.”
The Agent: “I won’t.”
The Target: “You have to.”
The Agent: “Why?”
The Target: “Because if you don’t, you will be sad and Mommy will be sad.”
The Agent: [Silence.]
The Target: “Take a Sleep.”
The Agent, as programmed, promptly fell asleep.
Prior to this conversation, The Target had no knowledge of the existence of CSSCs. It is apparent that she suspects there is power in the phrase, because she repeated the CSSC that evening at bedtime, and again the next day at naptime, both, of course, immediately successful.
The Target then proceeded to experiment with a more blasphemous use of the CSSC, stating it over the baby monitor.
“Take a Sleep, Noah.”
It worked.
She was even able to successfully use the CSSC during a Lunar Toddler Eclipse, which is that period of time when naptime and The Agent’s poop schedule cross orbit, creating the most effective sleep-ending action known to the TIA. The Target proceeded to get The Agent, change his diaper, and then lay him down and tell him to Take a Sleep.
And it worked.
The danger of this power in the hands of The Target can not be underscored enough.
The Target can now be heard chanting “Take a sleep. Take a sleep. Take a sleep.” under her breath at all times.
Due to this grave security leak, The Agent must be called in immediately for a reprogramming. He may also need reformatting to prevent another similar informational leak.
All means necessary are authorized to contain this breach.
Breaking Update: The Agent has been successfully reprogrammed. The CSSC is no longer functional, and the new Sleep Key has triple encryption. Refusal to Nap Maneuvers are back in full operation.
Aww, man! I guess all good things come to an end. Bummer.
The Target made the mistake of overzealous overuse. When one discovers nuclear launch codes, one can’t just go skipping through the streets screaming “I HAVE THE NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES!!!”
Lol, well at least it worked for a little while! I need to figure out how to breech security around here on my littlest agent! Home is the key. She sleeps like an angel, but when we try to get out and about she will nap for tiny snippets, making her quite cranky, :(
Oh yeah. Noah would NEVER sleep out, and he screamed in the car at that age. I never had a flexible napper!
Haha! Toddlers are too smart for their own good! Mine just learns to tire me out enough that I let her sleep with me in our bed. I hope you learn the next set of codes quickly…before his brain matures out of those ones!
Nice! That’s a good strategy – one that blessedly neither of my kids have figured out. Shhhh!!
Oh! I laughed so hard reading this. But I am sorry that he caught on to you! Naps are the main reason I kept breastfeeding Elizabeth long past my intended stop point. Once you find something that works (even inconsistently) it is impossible to resist trying it. Betting you’ll try “take a sleep” on and off for the next couple of years. Here’s hoping you find new magic for nap time.
You’re so right – whatever works when it comes to sleep!!!