I love all forms of social media – yes, even Pinterest, despite my poking fun at it a little too often. But when it comes to playing favorites, I do not hide my adoration for Twitter and disdain for Facebook.
Twitter has its own set of cultural quirks and personal phrases that have sprung up over the years, and it’s time that we properly discuss them.
In my experience, one of the main problems with Twitter is finding a way to describe the euphoria surrounding the consumption of food without sounding completely ridiculous. For instance,
1. “Yes, Please.” – Often used immediately before someone consumes some morsel of goodness (i.e. “Double fudge brownie topped with chocolate ice cream? Yes, please.”), it has simply reached the decent end to its life. Anyone further who uses it? No, please.
(Yes, my son did use this phrase earlier this week. Yes, he meant it ironically.)
2. “Get in mah belly” – This is the term that some are beginning utilize to replace “Yes, please.” It’s frightening, really. I don’t want to think about what food looks like once it’s in yah belly.
3. “Nom Nom” – The preceder of “Yes, please”, and still not okay.
Perhaps it’s my problem. Perhaps I just don’t want to know how very tasty your food feels in your mouth. Perhaps I just need to get over it.
But let’s move on.
4. “Do me a solid.” – Despite its Seinfeld origin, this is an expression that’s just recently wormed its way into Twitter vernacular. And it is BEYOND UNACCEPTABLE, people. If there is anyone in the world that can hear “Hey – can you do me a solid?” without conjuring any images of toilets or worse, then they are LYING. Or just a less soiled person than me.
5. ‘Merica, ‘Murica, ‘Merikah, #Merica, #Murica, #Merikah, and any and all other front-abbreviated forms of America. Freedom is not free, people – and neither was that A that you just hacked. ‘Eorge ‘Ashington is cursing you all from his ‘Rave.
6. #ootd – Really. I’m happy for you that you wear an outfit every day. Or maybe I’m just jealous because there are more days than I want to admit where I don’t change out of my pajamas.
7. “Let me get in you” and “I am in you” – let’s not talk to our beds, baths, houses, cities, or restaurants in this manner. Have you no respect?
8. Tute. I understand that unnecessarily shortening words is a thing to do, but in this case, let’s keep it tutorial. It’s only four more characters – I know you can do it. Let’s go ahead and include in this ban totes, probs, deets, dupes, bestie, and whatevs.
9. Amazeballs. Yes, amazing is overused. No, amazeballs is not the solution. Amazeballs is never the solution.
10. The fact that there is no good spelling for “Whoa.” I cannot hear that word in my head without adding the “-uh” at the end. And “Whoe-Wuh” is not, I don’t think, the sound you’re trying to get from me. But unfortunately, “Woah” is not an acceptable substitution, and despite my love of all things spelling, I can’t find one that works the way we need it to.
11. “This –>” – if that’s all you can come up with to caption your photo, then perhaps you shouldn’t be tweeting it.
12. W00t, Squee, YOLO, and smh. These “words” denigrate Twitter to the status of a seventh grade slumber party. And no matter how much I enjoyed my seventh grade slumber parties (M.A.S.H. and all,) some things are best not relived.
So. Besides me and my sunsets, what is on your Twitter Burn list?