I often come upstairs after quiet time to find an impressive display of random notes, all addressed to me.


Except for those times when they’re addressed to a character from The Jersey Shore, creating no small amount of confusion.


Until I turn them around and realize that they were addressed to me all along.


Consider this blog post to be your own spread of random notes.

I think that the previous owners of our house should have been required to disclose certain matters to us before we bought.

Just like you’re supposed to disclose if someone has ever been murdered in your house (isn’t that a law?) I think you should have to disclose it if your house happens to be Ladybug Disneyworld.

Twice a year, the entire North American Tribe descends upon our house. They formerly fancied Ali’s room, but since we replaced our windows, they’ve now chosen the garage door as their Mecca.

For the past month, every garage door crevice has looked like this:


Except for the hinges, which is a spot held only for law-breaking ladybugs sentenced to be executed.


Fortunately, their screams for pardon are drowned out by the garage door motor.

Every year about this time, I begin to feel great amounts of sympathy for Jewish children.

While Protestant, Catholic, and Otherwise Non-Jewish kiddos are dreaming of celebrating Jesus’ Resurrection with giant basket-like vats filled with this,

Easter Candy Aisle

The Passover aisle features exciting specialties such as this,




And the ever-frightening this.


There are sweets – if you can overlook the fact that they appear to be Turd Pops.


Please someone tell me that Jewish children get proper candy too, or I just might have to invent the Passover Basket.

I was cleaning out my spam folder yesterday and was shocked to find that Lord Mazuka himself had erroneously gotten exiled there. It was really the best email I’d gotten in ages, so very not worthy of spam.

So to make it up to him, I decided that I would share his message here.

Lord mazuka white magic spells.
Lord mazuka white magic spells.A temple where all kind of problems are
solved with the ancient powerful magic.
We cast all kinds of spells, and get results without any side effect. Out
spells is very fast in action, and lasts forever.
Contact us via email if you need our help, and tell us your problem, and we will solve it out with the supreme powerful spells of lord mazuka powerful spells. and all your problem will be solved, and you will live a happy life forever.

Sucess in exams – and with no side effect, y’all.

I love my city – it’s pretty fabulous, and it has dozens of places that you can’t find anywhere else. I photographed one and put it on my Facebook Page the other day, which was really quite inconsiderate of me since all it did was build up vast amounts of jealousy in all of your hearts.

America's First Office Park

But your previous covetousness will pale to the color of Luna Lovegood next to what you will feel when you realize that we have this. And you don’t.

America's First Sanitorium

Next week, I fully expect to find the sign proclaiming “America’s First Methadone Clinic.”

Math books sometimes ask stupid questions. So I told Ali that she could answer those questions any way she wanted.

And she does.


Speaking of Ali’s school, after our hundred days project, we started a notebook of writing prompts. The answers have been pretty awesome.


For those who need translations…

I think the world would be a better place if …It wod hav no bad gis in it
If I were president, I would…do wut im told
If Rapunzel was president, she would…obay flin
If I could create a holiday, I would call it…holiday av min
We would celebrate my holiday by…havig a parti
If I could have any pet in the world, I would get…a elafint

Deep thoughts like that can wear a girl out.


Ali’s best friend AJ also has a busy schedule – especially on St. Patrick’s Day. So she made herself a to-do list so that she didn’t forget anything*.


I’m not sure what kind of experiments they’re doing at their house, but I’m pretty sure that Lepercorn Crap is a key ingredient in Lord Mazuka’s Sucess.

* It should be noted that when you’re six, “trap” can be spelled “crap.”

15 thoughts on “Random Notes, To You.

  1. Lol! Love the girls’ notes! The ladybug thing is kinda creepy, BUT it’s a good thing it’s ladybugs and not spiders or cockroaches or some other type of bug. If you’ve got to have an infestation I’d say that’s your best bet. :) Oh and we DO have a TB Sanatorium, but not the “first” one. :) I think it houses offices now…I sure wouldn’t want to work in an old sanatorium!

  2. That’s so funny!

    I would MUCH rather have YOUR home infestation than mine… we have Ant Disneyland… it’s pretty awesome.

    When exactly is the best time to introduce the word crap to your child?

  3. Love the stupid math questions. Nothing makes my son more frustrated than when he gives the right answer on his math homework and then has to explain “why.” Recently I permitted him to write down “because it’s the right answer.” Duh! Why does 6 + 5 equal 11? Because it does! Because it doesn’t equal 10 or 12!

  4. We’ve had the ladybug infestation too. Very annoying. Occasionally there are so many that it makes the local news (http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/story/2011/10/14/ottawa-ladybug-invasion.html) Apparently warm soapy water helps. Ours bite and stain the woodwork orange if you accidentally step on them. Which is pretty hard to avoid.

    I always vowed I’d never laugh at kid notes but you are making it hard to keep that promise… My parents still laugh about my old notes, which I found deeply deeply irritating. Though I’ve got to admit that I find them kind of hilarious now. I used to schedule my day to five minute intervals, including scheduling time to “Bug David” (my brother).

  5. Ali’s notes are great!

    Our youngest, just turned 7, filled out something about being Prez at school a few weeks ago.
    “If I were president, I wood eat all day, even at night.”
    Yes, the kid has her goals down pat.

    My mother converted to Judaism when I was 13. The food was never a part of the traditions that I helped celebrate. I can light a menorah and say a prayer along with her but I won’t touch some of the food. No thanks.

  6. My brother lived near that sanitorium marker when he was a student at UAB. Actually, he lived in the former sanitorium, I think. It’s converted to apartments now. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. The Piggly Wiggly near there was the only place he could find SunDrop in Birmingham in 2006!

  7. I second the suggestion about warm, soapy water for ladybugs. My parents had an infestation a couple of years ago, and they set out a paper cup full of warm, soapy water. It’s evidently like manna for ladybugs because they dropped into the cup day and night. Of course, the gross part is emptying the ladybug corpse cup…

  8. Hi Rachel! I’m new to your blog and LOVE it! I will be a faithful follower because I am petrified…. I will be homeschooling my twin boys (they’ll be starting Kinder) and question whether I have “it” to do it. We are moving to Central AL next month so I’ll have a month or two to get “organized” to be ready for the new school year. I’ll be pouring over your blog in the mean time. This particular post was great, by the way!! : )

    1. Nice to meet you!

      Yes, homeschooling twins sounds like an adventure! But in some ways, that will be a lot easier than homeschooling two kids in different grades – you can just teach both at once and not have to teach two different grades!
      Where are you moving to in Alabama?

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