My Dearest Blog Readers,
I just wanted to let you know that I am looking out for you.
It’s not in my nature to hound you with advertisements, beat you over the head with product placement, or barrage you overly-unrequested opinions. And even when I do come across products and companies that I do find life-altering, such as Vault Denim and Flexi the Space Toaster, I am constantly and quite consciously aware of not being that annoying person that never shuts up about their “thing”.
Because I am naturally the super-paranoid type, I always strive to only bring things of value to the table.
(You know, like meat flowers and toenail art, pro-placenta-eating graphics and a helpful recipe for making breastmilk cheese.)
With that in mind, when I actually choose to do a product giveaway pitched to me by someone else, you can be assured that it was one of the few that made it through my grievous process of paranoid over-analyzation.
But oh, the opportunities I get.
For instance, sharing the details of how a contraceptive product works for me! And how fabulously it would work for you, too!!
Um, no thanks. I don’t want to be blamed when surprise child #4 rolls into your life based on my recommendation.
Oh, but wouldn’t you like to talk about these Outdoor Trash Bags on your blog, Rachel?
Yes, but can I talk about how well they hold up when one is stuffing the bodies of annoying PR people into them?
But my favorite opportunity as of late has to do with toilet paper.
Because really, who doesn’t want to read a whole blog post about toilet paper?
But it was even better than that – it wasn’t about the toilet paper itself – it was about the toilet paper roll covers.
Special, fancy toilet paper roll covers that are a part of a huge media blitz right now – Chris even was barraged with them by his grocery buggy last week.
I’m not saying that some people don’t find this product useful and necessary. I mean, if I walked by a display of pretty patterned toilet paper roll covers, I might consider it for a moment – until I remembered that they would just add to Ali’s stash of containers to hold her vast collections of tiny, useless items.
But the kicker was that they didn’t just want me to review it – they wanted me to have an…
(wait for it…)
in-home party.
A Toilet Paper Roll Cover In-Home Party.
Because I know you’d all be thrilled to drive to my house for a night of hors d’oeuvres and the opportunity to discuss your immediate need to cover your extra rolls.
“Watch now, as I put the roll in… and take the roll out.”
“Ooooooh….”
“Doesn’t it slide smoothly out of it’s home?”
“Aaaaaah….”
“No one will ever guess that these designer boxes sitting on the back of your commode are actually concealing toilet paper!!”
“I must have them!!”
But really, I think they should expand their focus. What if this toilet paper roll cover company decided to branch out and also offer their adult wet wipes at these fabulous in-home parties?
The hostess could serve Orange Metamucil and Prunes! And everyone could sit around and talk about the satisfaction of a job well cleaned!
(This type of party would most likely work best at homes with multiple bathrooms.)
Or perhaps we should have in-home parties for roach baits?
Because really, who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to come over to sip on coffee, eat petit fors, and talk about home infestations?
“Make sure that you clearly indicate on the invitation your assurances that there will be plenty of the large, flying cockroaches available to show off the amazing attract-and-kill power of the magic baits!”
In summary, I’m looking out for you. And I just wanted you to know.
…at least until I get offered a small fortune to promo The EZ-Curd© Cheese Maker: Mommy’s Milk Edition.
I have a new perspective to offering home parties now, so thanks for that! At least I have a cute, multi-functional basket for the TP…..
Ha! Having a toilet paper related item in the midst of many other items at a home party is quite different than having a toilet paper roll cover and only toilet paper roll cover party. Can you imagine how fun that would be to get people to come to?
It could make for interesting invitations to mail though!
They should definitely be printed ONTO toilet paper.
I must say that your invitations would be interesting along with the food that would be served. This post is yet another one that made me laugh.
Thank you…from the bottom of my heart.
Did we learn nothing from the crocheted toilet paper covers of the 60s?
Toilet paper is one of those strange commodities that can actually compel people to make purchases they wouldn’t otherwise. During my brief stint as a Kirby vacuum cleaner salesman, I learned the art of the cold knock. Essentially, one knocks on the door with a small gift in hand and says, “Let me try to sell you something and I’ll give you this for your time.” Of all the things we tried, the most successful was a 12 pack of Charmin. Apparently everyone wants free toilet paper; it got us in the door every time.
I’ve been pondering this all weekend. That is just…bizarre.
If strange guy showed up at my door and offered me a pack of toilet paper, I’d be MORE likely to shut the door in his face. I don’t want strange dude implying anything about my bathroom habits.
Ew.
(And yes, you’re “strange guy” in this scenario. No offense, of course.)
Ah yes… I forgot about those! I’m pretty sure my great-grandmother had one in every color.
I so appreciate your discernment and paranoid over-analysis! I am so saddened when a beloved blog goes infomercial. Flexi makes me jealous of my stone-aged van – oh to have a vehicle that did so much! :)
I agree. I have many blogs that I used to read because they had CONTENT, and now all they ever have are giveaways and reviews. That takes the fun out of blogging!! I do giveaways every now and then because I do have a lot of readers that love to win things, but I set a rule for myself a long time ago to never do more than one a week – and preferably not more than two a month – to make sure that I don’t lose the fun of blogging, which is writing.
I only wish my other former favorite bloggers had done the same…
BAAAHAHAHAHAHA! AWESOME! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sparing us the anguish! I think the fashion designer people are talking to these product inventors and are all trying to secretly sit back and laugh at the things we’ll buy. Sheeeeeeesh.
I’m just glad toknow that my daughter is not the only child to take every even- slightly interesting looking container and fill it with non-essentials.
Ali has a whole side of her room currently lined with boxes of “little things”. Drives me batty.
hahahaha. you are so kind.
Hahahaha! And I thought the Tupperware parties were bad!
Did you ever see those toilet paper cozies knitted (KNITTED) into the shape of a doll? With a doll’s head on the “dress” and everything. Next time you’re at craft fair – see if you can find one. Because everyone wants a doll/toilet paper cover on the back of their toilet, right?
YES.
Those are just scary.
The whole home party thing makes me feel icky. “Hey, come over to my house so I can market some crap to you that you don’t care about, then I’ll take pictures of you and put it on my blog. All so I can get paid or get some free crappy stuff for myself.” I just can’t do that to my friends. If I invite them over I want to do it just because they’re my friends, and I want to throw a real party for them.
The first time I saw this being advertised, the honest thoughts went something like this, “Are Americans really so bored that we have to invent things to wrap around the things we will wipe our backsides with?!” Moms do not need more things to make them feel like decorating failures! I’m gonna boycott the toilet paper wrapping paper.
I like Toilet Paper Wrapping Paper! Good name for it!