A Romance Story.

Dear Googly-Eyed Romantic Datey Couple sitting at the next table over at Zoës,

Thank you for enjoying my baby boy as he made faces, giggled, smiled charmingly, and in general flirted with you.  I was honored to contribute to your holding of the hands and dreamily gazing into each other’s eyes, imagining such a creature of your own somewhere in the future.

After all, I’m sure it doesn’t look like it from your end, but it wasn’t so long ago that Chris and I were dreaming those very same dreams as we watched other people’s children do adorable things.

So it is with the deepest sincerity that I apologize for him choosing that moment to noisily and revoltingly gag on his crammed-full throat o’ fruit.

I am also sorry that you had to watch, horrified, as I calmly beat his back with one hand while positioning the other under his mouth in anticipation of what was to come.

Furthermore, I apologize that you had to lose your appetite for both food and romance while watching him upchuck giant fistfuls of fruit, tossed in a fresh au jus of saliva, directly into my hand.

I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant to watch me dump my handful of gag into an empty fruit cup, then immediately return to using that same hand to cut up the rest of his dinner.

(Yes, my hand did smell a little funky.  Thanks for caring.)

He didn’t, I’m sure, add to the enjoyment of the envisioning of your future when he took the amount of au jus he had managed to swipe for himself and very methodically mousse his hair with it.

Nor did I, by going about my business and eating my dinner – again with my slightly putrid hand.

So anyway, since I wasn’t too helpful with my dinner illustration, I thought I would answer some questions about your future.

Yes, this is exactly what that googly-eyed romance leads to.

No, it’s not always like this.

In fact, he almost always prefers to noisily poo during dinner instead.

But really.  I know that getting an eyeful of that particular reality wasn’t exactly encouraging of your romantic notions, but when it’s puke coming from your own creation, as a result of your own googly-eyed romance, I promise that even catching it with your bare hands can be charming.

Okay.  Maybe not in that moment.

But when you take your vomit-crusted, fruit-covered, overly-juicy baby home,

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And give him a good scrub to remove their outer film of nast,

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You will be able to see that he is the absolute perfect culmination of googly-eyed romance.

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And you will find yourself staring at him, overcome with love – for both him and the one with whom all of this started.

Sincerely,

A still googly-eyed-in-love romantic.

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Comments

  1. Kitty Engle says:

    Great post for all googly-eyed-in-love-people. But he is so worth a little fruit filed puke now and then, huh? He is a little pig with his food. Maybe he is afraid Mommy will eat his food as most Mommies do with their children. I love his face after the clean up. Such a happy baby I have never seen.

  2. LOVE it! Is it awful that Nora now uses her hand to get buggers off her brother’s face? I think all notions of romance have already been broken.

  3. Awwww! Googly-eyed in love over here still too…and Noah is too cute!

  4. Love it…Noah is just too cute.

  5. Ah, yes. Been there, done that. Contemplated making my tagline say, “Scaring People Into Birth Control One Kid at a Time” Heh.

  6. I love this!! It is so very true!! It took me back – well, about 35 years when we would watch a little boy in nursery named Zachary interestingly enough. And when we got our own Zachary, I couldn’t have been happier.

  7. This might be one of my all-time favorite posts! It cracked me up on one hand, and I totally related on the other. I’ve caught many a puke in my bare hand, and I’m certainly still googly-eyed. Thanks for sharing this one!

  8. Awww

  9. Several years ago the newly-wedded hubs and I were grocery shopping and heard the most horrifying sound as we turned the corner into the next aisle. A toddler was throwing up and the poor momma was catching it in her hands. As much as we both felt compassion for her, we were cracking up and couldn’t believe that she would try to take care of the situation in that manner. Fast forward a few years into the future and we are now the parents that have been in that situation — funny how your first instinct is to reach out your hands! Oh, the joy of parenthood. This is the stuff they don’t tell you about. :)

  10. OMG…. you had me in tears I was laughing so hard, then I had to re-read this for my husband who found it just as hilarious! We have an 11 week old son and if his current behavior is any indication this story is exactly what our future holds! I found you off a link from Frazzled Five and have added you to my subscribe list…I can’t wait to hear what he does next!

    It’s no where near as funny, but if you get a chance, check out my husband’s solution to an explosive diaper:
    http://serendipityandspice.blogspot.com/2012/01/husbands-guide-to-explosive-diaper.html

    Have a great day!!

  11. Umm…yeah. I’m out in public by myself with my three kiddos all the time, and I get the pitying glances and the, “You’ve sure got your hands full,” comments ALL the time…

    But never more so than when one of my kids does something gross (or the middle one camps out in the men’s restroom at Lowe’s and refuses to emerge…AGAIN), and I just respond with a totally deadpan expression and keep on truckin’.

    And hey! You did those googly-eyed kids a SERVICE! They need a little reality mixed in with their romance. : )

    P.S. I included you in a mass email inviting you to my first ever Feature Friday Free-for-All Linky Party. I’ll be honest and say that you don’t strike me as a linky party kind of girl, but I included you because a) you’re awesome, b) I like you, and c) I think that well-told stories get the shaft in favor of crafts and DIY makeovers (which are good too), and I’d like to see that remedied!

    (Did I sufficiently stroke your ego enough for you to overcome your link party aversion, or am I wrong about that in the first place?)

    ~Abbie

  12. My sister just posted your article about “Long Butt” on Facebook, and I gave myself a coughing attack laughing. Love your blog! I’m adding you to my Google Reader. -Rachael

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