The CEO of my bank is a Tween Girl.
She is sitting at the top of her skyscraper downtown in her pink bedazzled office suite, chewing Bubble Yum, flipping through her Justice catalog, painting her nails a fabulous shade of Purple Me Tender, and talking on her jewel-cased iPhone.
“I know, like, right?? He is SOOO fetch. Oh – and girl, we have GOT to get together with Jordin and McKenna and do one of those all-jumping-in-the-air-at-the-same-time photos – ya know??? It would just be, like, SQUEE!!!”
I came to this conclusion due to the nature of my deposit receipts.
It started a couple of years ago, when, I presume, the Traditional Old Bald Male CEO must have handed off his reigns to his granddaughter.
At first, I thought the oddity was just due to a bizarre teller.
I drove to the drive-thru, slid my deposit into the drawer, and then received my standard green and white receipt back – except this time it had a personal note on it.
Written in large, curly cursive,
Is she…hitting on me??
I know that I come to the bank a lot… but LOVE???
All of a sudden, I felt an awkward haze between Mandy and I. I half expected to discover that she had also coated my receipt in a Romilda Vane-esque love potion, sure to send me into a romantic day dream about holding hands through the drive-thru drawer.
But then on my next visit, I received a similar declaration of affection from a different teller.
And it was then that I realized: This was no coincidence. Nor was this just a Bored Teller Time Filler – this was a declaration from the top. They have been commanded to do this in a legitimate corporate memo somewhere.
To All Employees Carrying out Teller Duties:
Effective immediately, please notate a revision in your employee handbook under Section 11 Chapter J subsection 37 stating that all receipts are to be personally signed in a font of the female persuasion and declaring great feelings of affection toward the customer.
A few months into this apparent corporate guideline, the “love” usage seemed to fade out, but they continued to lavish upon me girly, curly, and quite odd notes, considering the professional nature of the business transaction that was occurring.
But the love was most definitely and quite conspicuously missing. I could only assume that an alignment to protocol had been made.
To All Employees Carrying out Teller Duties:
Please make an adjustment in your routine to discontinue the usage of the word “love” when carrying out your duties prescribed in Section 11 Chapter J subsection 37 – we seem to be confusing certain customers unnecessarily, and some tellers are reporting an uncomfortable increase in phone number requests from male clientele. However, please continue writing a thanks and a signature in the aforementioned font of the female persuasion.
I began to find myself desiring to collect these receipts like trading cards, and desperately wished that I had saved some of the early vintage notes that housed such great affection toward me.
But even without the love, they still held an odd fascination for me.
Ooh look! I’ve got two Whitneys! One’s even in pink – surely that makes it worth more??
And OH!! The Elusive Male Teller signature!!! How refreshing and un-curly-cued. I wonder if he’ll get a bad review for his lack of flair??
Oh, speaking of flair – look at Heather!! She added a smiley!!
And does that one say ENJOY LIFE???? That’s almost better than love there – it’s gotta be a rare find for sure.
OOOH – look at her. Curly to the max, but it’s a stamp. Personally, I deduct points for using a stamp. It’s a sign of laziness.
And this dude – “Mr. Alex”?!?!? on a stamp?!? Who gets a stamp made saying Mr. anything these days??? What kind of banker do you think you are – Mr. Potter??
And Brittney – wow. Might want to try a narrower point marker, honey…
Oh! Oh! Oh!! An Elusive Vintage Heart!!! I feel loved and adored again!!!
…but she didn’t sign her name.
…But the true jewel of my collection would be if I could get ahold of just one of our Tween CEO’s emails. I bet they are written in pink Curlz font, 32 points big, and with dancing kittens in the background.
meow, meow, meow.
39 thoughts on “Can’t Buy Me Love.”
HAAAA!!! I KNEW this was Regions as soon as I started reading this post! I deduct points for the stampers too. Slackers. But I will say that Mr. Alex stamp is hilarious!
IDK who invented this policy but it’s kinda refreshing and kinda creepy all at the same time.
Ok, this is hilarious because my sister is a teller for Regions & my hubby works for them downtown! When Anna 1st started she wanted to have the best “signature” so she went to Michael’s (a less fun Michael’s than yours since it doesn’t have the Pres of the AIBC) & bought a huge curly-lettered stamp that said “Thank You” complete w/ an ink pad that’s purple & fades into pink WITH SPARKLES!!! & sparkly, matching gel pens to sign her name. Every time I go through the line I can’t wait to see my deposit slip in hopes of a fabulous stamp or note but sadly this week all I got was a pathetic, teeny, tiny wal-mart-esque smiley face sticker :( not even a signature to complete it. Lame.
But just for peace of mind, the CEO is in fact a bald man! Who-da thunk it?! ;)
Sparkles!! That WOULD be an awesome receipt to add to my collection!!!
I too was befuddled when I started getting such notes at the bank. At first I thought it might be flirting or hint-dropping, but when it started coming from multiple tellers, I figured it out. Oddly enough though, I bank at Compass! Apparently, it’s a trend spanning financial institutions.
Interesting. Makes you wonder which Tween CEO had the idea first and which other Tween CEO is just a Copycat Tween CEO.
First, I totally got the Harry Potter reference…well done. Second, these letters worked on me; I felt special, oddly enough. I even got one in the mail one time. That one actually creeped me out a little.
In the MAIL?? That IS a bit Creepy.
p.s. – I know where you live.
I’m more than a little thankful that we do most of our banking online now. :) Although it does sound like a fun “What am I gonna get today” game. My kids love handing our receipt to the door checker at Costco. They always hope for a smiley face. When they first started only getting the normal line down the center mark I was afraid they would complain. They just turned to me and said, “It’s a snake, Mom!”
Ali always asks for a smiley at Sam’s – just so they don’t forget. I love your kid’s optimism of seeing the boring line as a snake!! Ali sees a boring line.
um…i bank at regions and we don’t get cutesy notes! I want my own Whitney!
Wow – interesting. Your branches need to get on board with their instructional memos!!
My credit union does it too, so I think it is a new trend. I kind of like it since it adds a personal touch. Although none of mine have ever been signed Love, just thank you or sincerely.
HA! The first time I saw one of these, my husband brought it home. And I was pissed. Because he had OBVIOUSLY been flirting with the teller to have her sign ‘Love, Amanda’!!! I forgave him when I went to the bank the next day & received my own love note;)
That’s awesome!! I’m glad you found it in your heart to forgive him, poor innocent victim of a guy he is.
Oh darn…I thought it was just me that was special! :o(
That is one of the stranger things I’ve ever seen. I can’t decide if it’s uplifting or creepy.. but I think I’m leaning towards creepy.
I think it would be more creepy if it were just a couple of them doing it. But since they’re all doing it, notsomuch.
hilarious! you crack me up. thank you for making these midnight nursing moments so much more tolerable! :)
You are so hilarious. I love how you find the humor in every day things! Thanks for reminding me to see the humor in everything!
What in the world? My bank is boring.
For some reason I had a scenario in my mind – a jealous wife finds a “Love, Mandy” note in her husband’s car… :P
Ha! Someone said that very thing about her husband in an earlier comment. I guess it happens!!
Receipts… The green and white things are receipts. The deposit slips are what you use to make deposits. The rest of this blog… hilarious.
Oops – too true!!
That is awesome. Just plain awesome.
Wow, that is some strange bank teller love you guys have going in Alabama! I’ve never received a love note from any bank up here, that’s for sure! Lol.
But then again, I find it quite odd that you actually use cash at all. I deposit cheques once in a blue moon and pretty much never deposit cash (we just keep it and spend it slowly should we happen to get some somehow). Pretty much everything money related works online here – bills, wages etc. Eftpos is everywhere and free so I often have not a cent of actual cash on me. And I’ve never had any kind of personal note from a bank!
My bank sucks. All they have is a basket of suckers for me, I mean, my children. And not a single <3 to be seen anywhere :'-(
What a funny post! I do most of my banking online, so I don’t know if our bank gives hearts and smileys, but it’s funny. I’ve noticed that a lot of restaurants do that on the receipt too. What’s hilarious to me is that we seem to get them more when my husband and I go eat rather than when I go alone. There will be curly handwriting, sometimes with a heart AND a smiley, accompanied by a drink refill right as the check is given. I wonder if they’re trying to influence the tip. ;) I also wonder if they ask for handwriting samples in the job interview. I would have to buy a stamp or practice the curly writing.
I used to get them all the time when I lived near Birmingham, but they never do it here in Huntsville. :( I need them to pass that memo up this way so I can start my own collection!
I’m not getting them from some branches here – I guess some branches find that their customers find snooty more appealing.
This trend has been fascinating me for awhile too! The first one that I got said something to the effect of, “Have an awesome days! With love, Heather” and it was in curly purple ink. I called Blake as I drove away from the bank to share my wonder. I guess the idea is to make banking more personal, but it is a titch on the odd side. Odd…but mesmerizing all at the same time.
Ha ha ha enjoy life ’cause like you totally never know what could happen!
So weird but hilarious!
Hahaha. I totally used to work at Regions. I have to admit.. I was a stamper. I had different stamps though so I could change it up a bit. I know stamping seems lazy but do you know how many customers would come through the line per day? I would stamp all my receipts so I could spend time reading. Then this one time someone broke into my car and stole my work bag that contained my receipts. stamps and a philosophy book. So if any of you have any “Have a great day! Taren” receipts out there in the bham metro area.. THOSE are vintage since I haven’t worked there in 3 years.
I wonder if it was a jealous teller that stole your stamps. You must have been a better stamper than her…
Hahaha!!! My Regions has recently started doing that too and I thought it was a bit odd. It really must be some corporate memo. Teller at my local Regions, sorry for thinking oddly of you… ;)
Maybe next time you should write her an apology note, complete with a “Love” at the bottom? :)
Stop trying to make “fetch” happen.
I can one up this. Last year I received a delightful thank you note in the mail from a Regions teller in my area. Hand addressed, hand written no stamping involved. The note thanked me for coming in and depositing money. I was dumbfounded while reading it- mouth dropped open- the whole bit. I saved it for a while just for the pure ridiculousness of it. It did make me wonder why I never get a thank you note from my favorite grocery store!
Wow – how much money did you deposit?!? That is unbelievably bizarre…