Every parent suffers abuse from their child on a weekly, if not daily, and sometimes hourly (depending on the child or number of children involved in inflicting said abuse) basis.
This plight goes far too unnoticed.
It’s time that someone took a stand for Reverse-Child-Abuse and brought those issues to the forefront.
Besides the constant internal kicking, straining, and pressing on things that ought not be pressed on by Noah, I also often suffer at the hands of Ali.
Here’s some cases of abuse I’ve suffered over the past couple of months:
1. Child playing silently in bed so as to fool me me into thinking that she’s napping obediently, when she’s really waiting for the perfect tortuous moment, an hour into her non-nap, to dash all of my optimism of said nap by talking calmly in her obviously not-napping, clear-as-day voice.
2. While coloring with child, child lets me color a perfectly beautiful picture by myself, all in the lines, all while she happily colors on her own picture. Child then waits patiently for me to walk out of the room, and THEN decides to help me out with my picture, making sure to scribble through every part of my formerly-so-therapeutically-colored masterpiece.
3. Watching cartoons with unbelievably stick-like-molasses-in-your-mind theme songs, then child absolutely refusing to let me break out into song with them, despite the fact that I CAN NOT erase them from my mind no matter how hard I try.
4. Child having unbelievably sculpted abs and a flatter belly than I ever dreamed of. With a Three Year Old Six-pack. All while my stomach gets larger, more unwieldy, and more impossibly and irreversibly stretched.
5. While having a cold, child starting to say that her ears hurt. Being very specific with where the pain is coming from and when it hurts, making me suspect an ear infection. After an hour and a half of waiting room and exam room time and RIGHT BEFORE the doctor walks into the room, telling me matter-of-factly that she was just pretending – her ears don’t really hurt.
6. Child making me eat the nastified combination of Skittles and M&M’s simultaneously, so that I can bite them in half and show her the middles.
Yes, reverse child abuse is painful. It is tragic. And there is nothing that we as parents can do about it, but we don’t have to suffer silently. At least we have each other…
What’s cases have you suffered from lately?