Having been an iPhone owner for a few months now (admittedly I am an iLateBloomer), I may have become a little more than addicted to it’s convenience, super-hero abilities to do anything I want it to do, and capability to amuse me in any second in which I might find myself becoming bored.

I (very shamefully) might have even gone through two full battery charges yesterday while we were tailgating all day.

Yes, I’m officially an iGeek.

However, in all of my iPhoneiness, I have run across a few ways that you can use it that would make your iPhone cry, if indeed it had tear ducts, which will coming in the iPhone 9, I’m sure. And that may might even make your phone so upset that it would, indeed, divorce you.

After all, I’m pretty sure that as smart as iPhones are, they could most definitely turn on you in an 80’s-movie-computers-take-over-the-world kinda way if you pushed them.

And so, because I like to be helpful, here’s my list of the Top 10 Reasons that Your iPhone Might Divorce You:

10. Your iPhone might divorce you if you use it’s superior technology and amazing touch screen abilities (especially the “pinch to zoom” function) to play the app “Pimple Pop.”:



9. Your iPhone might divorce you if you let your toddler play their games on it – with NO case at all to protect it from certain danger.

8. Your iPhone might divorce you if you let your wife use your phone with NO case on it – your wife who may (hypothetically) have a very sharply-edged diamond ring (that YOU gave her, for the record) – and she accidentally slides her diamond ring against your beautifully unmarred screen, leaving a two-inch scratch down the front of it.

(This may or may not have happened to Chris’ first iPhone. I may or may not have waited a few weeks to own up to my damages. I also may or may not have sweated my life away for a whole weekend waiting for him to notice and break out into tears.)

7. Your iPhone might divorce you if you Bedazzle it.
especially if you take away all it’s manhood and bedazzle it with “Hello Kitty”.

(Because all iPhones are men, right?)

6. Your iPhone might divorce you if you use it as a coaster, or as a hard, flat surface on which to apply your fingernail polish.

5. Although iPhones have wonderful tracking abilities through apps such as iPregnancy and Task Manager and are more than happy to allow themselves to be used to make your life more organized, if you use it to track your POO, it just might divorce you.



4. Your iPhone might divorce you if you only use it to make phone calls.

3. Your iPhone might divorce you if you dare buy the app iFrenchKiss and yes, actually practice your abilities ON your iPhone screen.

All iPhones are, after all, germophobes.

And these last two may not make your iPhone divorce you, but they are ways that your iPhone might get YOU divorced:

2. Your iPhone might get you divorced if you start your marriage out by proposing with an iProposal.


If you’re geeky enough to use this app and even think that it’s a possibility that your (hopeful) wife is geeky enough to appreciate it (which is really, REALLY not likely), please at least have more than an iRing to offer her.


1. And your iPhone might (or most certainly would) get you divorced if your wife finds your “I Am A Man” app in which you’ve been tracking her moods and “such”…


….and then finds out that there’s more than one woman that you’re tracking.


Unless you’re on TLC’s new polygamist show Sister Wives, this app is NOT for you.

16 thoughts on “Top 10 Reasons Your iPhone Might Divorce You.

  1. oh my! Those are some weird apps!!! wow. seriously?? really?? number 5 should have been number 2..gross.
    and I agree on the last one. *stalker*

  2. I'm a late bloomer iPhone gal too. That pimple thing, very odd, unless you're into that sort of thing. You'll leave a scar, folks.

    They do have freaky apps. Have you tried the doodle game? My family hasn't eaten since Thursday thanks to that little number!;) Okay, take the phone away…

  3. I'm gonna stick with my Blackberry Oregon Trail app….I'm an iNotAllowedTouchScreen person.

    Oh, Sister Wives….you leave me speechless….

  4. Holy Cow!! Those last two are just tooooo much. the "menses" tracker?! Really?! gag.
    And the zit thing is just plain nasty. People that sit around popping pimples on their iphone are probably the same people that have frozen dead bodies in their freezer or something. yeeeeeeek!

  5. Ewww, the pimple and poop apps are DISGUSTING! Seriously. Gross. That other ones, oh my word. Who comes up with this stuff??

    P.S. I don't have an iPhone so you are not the latest bloomer around here! Although I steal T's regularly, I am too cheap to pay for two iPhones. :)

  6. The simple one is disgusting!! However, I have to admit that I did search my Droid apps to see if we have some of those. Thankfully, the simple one is just for iphones.

  7. Ha! Fantastic finds- I'm not as app-tastic as you are… you must check out the "bedintruder" app.

    Happy Friday!

  8. Some of those are really ridiculous, although with three teenage daughters and a wife all have regular cycles, I'm pretty sure my dad would have loved that last one when I was growing up. :)

  9. Strange apps, but I do dearly love my iPhone. I use the most battery life playing Words With Friends. Someone will one day have a 12 Step program for dealing with WWF addiction.

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