So Saturday Football did not disappoint.

I mean regarding my Scavenger Hunt, of course – what, you thought I was talking about the game?? It was good too.

The “interesting” fans were out in full force. Amanda B. did quite well on the Scavenger Hunt, and Green Door Girl did a fabulous job creating an Auburn version of The Hunt (thank goodness we don’t go around wearing curly-cued elephant tails on our butts like all the Tiger Tails she photographed – it wouldn’t be nearly as attractive).

But, just to prove that the phenomenon of football-fashion-overzealousness is not limited to the state of Alabama, the ones I DID photograph on Saturday were the Florida fans.

My two favorites were Ringling Brothers Visit Florida,

And Look! I Can Still Fit Into My Homecoming Dress from 1985.

Speaking of her, boobs seemed to be the theme of the day.

After all, it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

But unfortunately, “Cancer” apparently got left out of the dress-code memo for Saturday, and everyone just went with the theme of “Breast Awareness Month”.

I mean, you could even buy the T-Shirt saying so, as this girl was selling:


Doesn’t that shirt make YOU aware of cancer?

I didn’t think so.

She made Chris buy a bracelet in order to let us photograph her and her, um, wares…

(Obviously, as soon as we got home, I got out a Sharpie and edited his bracelet to read “My Wife’s and Only My Wife’s as per Proverbs 5:18-19”.)

But while I was gallavanting around in Boobieville on Saturday, pretty much all of my friends were either working at or shopping at The Infamous Kid’s Market.

Kid’s Market is a semi-annual gigantasauraus consignment sale that brings out an unparalleled frenzied state in the Moms of Birmingham.

It is held in an huge, empty retail building, and is filled with enough kid’s clothing, toys, beds, socks, and even panties (ew) to clothe and entertain the entire continent of Eurasia for at least a decade.

It lasts for a total of three weeks, but there is a three-tiered caste system as to when you earn your way in.

The most esteemed and respected members of Kid’s Market society are the Workers – the Moms who love their family and their budget so much that they are willing to work up to 20 hours for free – all in exchange for the privilege of shopping first. They TOTALLY get a Mommy Scout badge for their dedication.

The slightly lower members of KM Society are the Contributors – the people who consign. They get to shop after the workers, but they have to still earn their way – the earlier you arrive to contribute (aka camp out all night or get there at 3AM on contribution day), the earlier your prized shopping day.

And then there are the rest of us – the Scumbag Moms. We do nothing to deserve any sort of special treatment, and so we have to wait until the “Public” days to shop.

(In this sense, “Public” means “Crazy-Insane-Lines-Around-The-Entire-Perimeter-Of-The-Store-That-You-Might-Rot-And-Die-In-Before-You-Ever-Get-To-Escape” Days.)

And so, I showed up on Monday, with my shameful head hanging low, on the opening day of Scumbag Moms Shopping.

I’ve never attempted to shop on opening day before. I was scared – very scared.

And, on top of that, I was ghastly unprepared. I had my three-year-old in tow (a dangerous environment indeed for any child), and brought no devices in which to carry my finds.

(The inventions that Moms have to carry their loads are nearly par with Football-Tailgating paraphernalia – they have Laundry Baskets tugged with belts, Laundry baskets retrofitted with wheels, and I’m sure someone somewhere has a motorized laundry basket that adds up their total spent all while matching up outfits for them.)

But, I survived.

We arrived at 11:30, shopped for clothes for Ali and only Ali (sorry, Noah – kids aren’t worth the pain of Kid’s Market shopping until they’re breathing with their OWN lungs), got in line at 12:30, carried 26 items through line for 45 minutes all while very close in proximity to the token-Kid’s-Market-screamer-baby who screeched torturously THE ENTIRE 45 MINUTES (I think they hire him to punish us Scumbag Moms), and left at 1:15.

Was it worth it?

I think it will be once my arms quit hurting. Especially since Children’s Place was such a disappointment this year.

Ali will now have clothes to wear this fall:IMG_0979
And, as always, I got to spot some of the more awesome pieces of three-year-old consignment fashion…

Because what small child doesn’t need a pair of real suede pants??photoe

Or better yet, an entire leather outfit?? And yes, it was in the GIRL’S section.

Back Camera
…it’d go AWESOMELY with a Toddler Tat.

Or, for the especially stylish three-year-old, you just KNOW they have to have a pair of high-waisted jeans to fight their way out of each and every time they need to go to the bathroom:

Back Camera

…I have a feeling that in their pre-consignment life, those jeans may have gotten peed in more a few times.

15 thoughts on “Football and Kid’s Market: Two Different Forms of Crazy.

  1. This Kid's Market and last, I've lucked out and fallen into an entirely different class.
    A friend of mine has contributed and ended up not being able to go on "contributor's day," so I've gotten her ticket.

    My favorite is 50% off day. Can't beat it and there are TONS of clothes still left…and I'm talking boys…there have got to be a gazillion more left in the girls' section.

    Also, I cannot believe you didn't go ahead and shop for Noah while you were there. Crazy lady!

  2. Ooooh, I remember you talking about KM last year. You found amazing deals for a great price. I can't believe it lasts for three weeks and that you deal with all of that craziness. That's how I feel on Black Friday when I'm participating in that madness, all the while questioning why I do it in the first place. The first year that I went with my friend, Sarah, she was aghast that I didn't wear sneakers and that I didn't sprint at any point. She was befuddled at my ignorance. And the question is…?? Will I go again this year?

    I'm not so sure.

  3. I LOVE Kids' Market, as you know. However, this Fall, I am taking a break from it. I am not working, contributing, nor shopping. (Well, I MIGHT go for the 50% off days.) I'm not sure why, I just felt like I wasn't supposed to do it this time around.

    By the way, though, that crazy line is only on that first Monday morning that it's open to the public. By 2pm Monday, it's much more manageable, and the rest of the time isn't too bad, line-wise. But yes, the screaming baby is there that first day every year. I don't get it. For me, that's one of the main reasons to be a contributor/worker – kids aren't allowed to come to those shopping times!

  4. "three-tiered caste system" ahhhh!! I love it. laughing hysterically!

    and that ringling brothers couple is totally giving you the "why the crap are you taking my picture" evil eye.

  5. I applaud you. The mere thought of shopping at KM makes a little cold chill run down my spine. I thought you were my one hold out in small group, yet alas, I'm all alone. Oh well. Maybe one day I'll cave, but I wouldn't hold your breath. You're my hero!

  6. I FINALLY posted my photo scavenger hunt from Saturday's Game- yes, I know I'm late! Check it out on my blog! I think I did pretty good! haha! :)


  7. Wow, looks like you made a pretty good haul at the kid's market. We have a sale like that in our town but I have never been. It seems too overwhelming and unless everything is like a dollar I probably wouldn't feel like I got a good deal.

    Do you guys have Kohls? I just hit a huge sale at Kohls and got tons of clothes for my girls next year at 90% off…my reciept said money spend $74 money saves $376. Yay!

  8. Oh, and then I got $10 Kohl's cash for spending over $50 so I went back later and bought K some rainboots for $4. They're not as cute as Ali's but they're pretty cute. :)

  9. thanks for the link back – and our kids consignment sale is pretty much on par with yours – I should have taken pictures – I am one of the 1st tier caste people – lol and am working on Saturday – hmm, maybe I can be incognito and take pictures with my cell phone – as you know the refuse that has been there and passed over by several 100s/1000s of people are the BEST :)

  10. First of all, I'm not a fan of the boobie shirts & bracelets at all!

    Second, I'm really glad you were able to find Ali some clothes at Kid's Market, and 45 minutes in line isn't that bad; I think I had to wait at least 20 minutes. So, are you going back on 50% off day? :)

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