We decided it was finally time to register for a few things for Noah. And, since it’s been four years since I’ve filled out a baby registry, I learned a few new things.

My first surprise was that although adults (especially husbands) are completely mesmerized by the privilege of using The Barcode Gun, kids find them completely archaic and even downright dull.

Because really, how does a barcode gun compare to their mastery of the iPhone?

IMG_0659(This picture was taken at lunch on Monday when, after trying to encourage Ali and Kendall to actually CONVERSE and INTERACT for a while, we finally gave in and let them do what they both really wanted to do…play games on our iPhones. At least their knees were touching.)

We did convince Ali to give The Gun a try, but what with it not having a touch screen, interactive games, or EVEN a color display, she declined further grueling barcode-scanning labor.


Secondly, there are some new products on the market this time around.

BUT, just like you shouldn’t register for trash cans and plungers on your wedding registry (and yes, I’ve seen both), you most certainly shouldn’t register for anything that resembles the torture device utilized in The Pit of Despair: IMG_0662


(If only the similarities ended at the visual horror… but I’m pretty sure I’ve had more than a few years sucked right off the end of my life from months of torture suffered under the Pump of Despair.)

And finally, I learned the secret of Freaky Baby’s Freakiness.

Our registering took place at the new store in town, buybuy Baby. And, although we’re all thrilled that Babies R Us finally has some competition, the whole city is a little scared of Freaky Baby:IMG_0665
I always assumed that what made Freaky Baby so very, very Freaky was a bad Photoshop-Crop job, but I now possess the Knowledge of the Truth Behind the Freakishness…

Besides his positioning on the delivery trucks, I noticed that he was also displayed prominently on all of the employees’ nametags, so I mentioned it to one of them.

“Oh wow – so you have to actually WEAR a picture of Freaky Baby???”

The Store Clerk rolls her eyes.. “Yes… isn’t he disturbing?”

“Quite. He spooks me and all of my friends.”

“Well actually, he’s two babies – the two store owners took their baby pictures and spliced them together, making up the two halves of Freaky Baby.”


“Yes! You see? There’s a shadowed side and a light side? And see how his eyes, eyebrows, and shoulders are different? That’s their two different baby pictures mooshed together, and that’s what makes him look so freaky.”

And somehow, I’m now even more freaked out than ever.

…and I apologize in advance for all of your future nightmares about Freaky Baby and the Pump of Despair.

18 thoughts on “Ali Get Your Gun and the Explanation of Freaky Baby.

  1. We've been in that store numerous times and I've seen the truck several times, but I haven't noticed the freaky baby. Can't believe I've missed it!
    Some one needs to write the owners & tell them what a horrible idea that was & to get a picture of a real & CUTE baby!

  2. So… Are you supposed to wear that "bra" all day if you're regularly pumping? That would be kinda…. funky lookin'… :)

  3. Freaky Baby is truly freaky. Kendall looks really beautiful, I have not seen a pic since she was like 20 months old.

  4. I would LOVE to see a woman walking around the office (I mean if I worked in an office) with that hands free pumper!! It would be blogging gold for sure.

  5. Oh I totally agree – they're impossible to hold! I just made my own "contraption" last time using a tank top with a sports bra and a pair of scissors!

  6. Why on earth would they do that? Why didn't they just have two representative babies and save the rest of us from the hours of therapy we now need after seeing the freaky baby.

  7. I won't put a breast pump on my registery because it seems creepy to know someone besides myself or my husband bought something that will go on my boobs…

    That child is really not cool to look at…Freaky Baby is a good name for it…I mean them…

  8. Geez… you just know that they were a little tipsy when they came up with that "smooshing the pictures" idea.

    As for the pump – much worse than registering for a trash can on your wedding registry; it would be more like registering for honeymoon lingerie on your wedding registry. :P

  9. Okay freaky baby is WAY freaky :) Thank goodness no buy buy baby around here. I also have to laugh at the picture of the girls and their iphones, seriously how do kids know how to work those way better than moms these days? I don't get it – my three year old at 18 months completely knew how to turn it on and make a call – found out the hard way when giving it to her to play with to occupy her time – yeah a few calls later – agh!!!

  10. First of all, very brave to even take your older child to register! I got a babysitter. Being pregnant in a store where you actually need to take your time and top that with another child? I'd need that "one glass is okay" glass of red wine afterwards.
    Second, from my experience with the Swaddlers and boys I have one word: leakage. Just an FYI.
    Good luck with baby boy!!! Mine is 5 today and I am wishing I was registering for him again. :)

  11. Lol, the pump and torture pictures cracked me up. I had never noticed how similiar they are. I love the line at the bottom of the pump bra box…"Milking it for all your worth!" Hilarious.

    And I honestly didn't think freaky baby was all that freaky looking. After your explanation I looked closely but other than their eyes being different those babies must look like twins! Kinda weird that they didn't just get them both in the same outfit and take a picture if they really look that similiar. Odd. We don't have that store here.

  12. The Pump is funny…and disturbing as well. (By the way, I LOVE The Princess Bride).

    I loved Buy Buy Baby back in the day, but Freaky Baby is well, Freaky!

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