So it’s getting to be about the time that I at least start going through my maternity clothes, seeing what I can acquiesce to wear again and what I wore so much with Ali that I can’t bear the sight of, and getting them washed and ready completely engulf my wardrobe.
I’m not showing yet, but I’m at that horrible stage of wow-she’s-really-packing-on-the-tummy-flab, my second least favorite phase of pregnancy appearance, only behind oh-my-gosh-I-just-gave-birth-and-I-had-no-idea-I’d-look-this-Jabba-The-Hut-horrific-how-am-I-going-to-get-rid-of-these-huge-slabs-of-gelatinous-skin?!? stage.
The thing that I’m least looking forward to about maternity clothes is the requirement of a cami. Since 99% of maternity shirts are of the crossover variety,
and people that have my, err, body type need a bit more extra coverage, I’ll be required to wear a cami for the next six months.
And, since in my delicate state there is nothing more uncomfortable than binding on my stomach area except for binding AND rolling up because maternity camis are all of a millimeter longer than a regular cami giving absolutely no coverage to the belly area, I just am not happy about this inevitability.
And so, I often find myself day dreaming about creating some sort of fake cami – a nice triangle of stretchy fabric that somehow affixes to each side of my crossover shirts, thereby pretending to be a cami without all the binding and rolling.
And that thought turns into reminiscing about Dickies.
I remember as a kid going to the flea market and seeing rows and rows of multi-colored dickies, all lined up and ready to be chosen by delighted 80 year old women. I especially remember the shiny gold and silver ones – wow were they AWESOME.
…but not nearly as awesome as Cousin Eddie in his show-thru-his-white sweater black Dickie, the absolute epitomic moment of Dickie history:
(Sadly for my husband, that’s one of the only moments I appreciate about that movie, with much thanks to my friend Nikki, who pointed it out the subtle moment to me when I would normally be going to my happy place all because THAT movie was on.)
Of course, even if I could revisit the flea markets of my childhood and procure one of these amazing contraptions, a dickie would never work for my crossover maternity shirts, because the bottom of the dickie wouldn’t QUITE make it down to the nethermost point of that way-too-deep V, so there’d be this awesomely awkward skin triangle, making me perfectly fit to be Cousin Eddie’s bizarre sister.
So, that being said, I’m just going to HAVE to create the world premier of the Maternidickcami. If I were to toast myself in a frosted moose glass regarding this undertaking, my self-toast would be…May I have the success of creating a garment accessory as classy as Cousin Eddie himself.
Oh and by the way – until you’ve said Maternidickcami out loud, you haven’t lived.