I don’t chew gum, nor does Chris.
Yet Ali is completely fascinated by it.
Not with the someone-blowing-a-bubble part, or even with the chewing-it-endlessly-until-your-jaw-falls-off part. She’s never tasted it. Her obsession with bubblegum is with the stuck-under-the-table type.
Her favorite hobby at any eating establishment is to get under the table and inspect the bubblegum that’s mysteriously taken up residence.
When she first discovered this amazing phenomenon, she took great pleasure in touching it. I’m no germophobe, but I get chills up my spine every time I read that sentence.
However, I have spent much time explaining the perils of touching bubblegum – how it is yucky, nasty, disgusting, germy, gross, and generally detrimental to all aspects of her
Fortunately, she’s impressionable. She has modified her hobby to simply getting under tables, inspecting the chewy tenants, and then giving a full report: “There’s a BIG HUGE bright green piece of yucky bubblegum under the table!!!”
** ** **
The other day, I had to get her a new tube of toothpaste. It was her lucky day – I found Princess Toothpaste! And Sparkly! And Pink!
Obviously, this made me a millionaire in Mommy Points.
And then I spent every last one of them, quite accidentally.
I unwittingly mentioned the flavor. “Yumm!! It’s BUBBLEGUM flavored!!”
“WHAT?!?! That’s so Yucky!!!”
Brushing teeth has never been a fight. But it sure is now. “This tastes YUCKY!!! (spit spit) It’s SOOO gross!!! (hock hock) It tastes like bubblegum!! (gag gag) Bubblegum is SOOO yucky!!!”
Obviously, this was a rookie mistake.
Mommy Rule # 571: ALWAYS consider your toddler’s frame of reference before introducing ANYTHING new into their lives.
If I visualized my toothpaste as tasting like dirty, nasty, germy left-behind-by-strangers bubblegum, I’d probably be gagging too.
Actually, now I am.